|"The Daffy Dog"
Written by Pietro
[We open on a very snowy day, a flock of ducks flying south while Daffy Duck laughs]
Daffy: Suckers! Well, I ain't flyin' south this winter! Why fly south when you can stay
around and check up on this winter business!
[Daffy pulls out a paper advertising "Cozy Ski Lodge" with a picture of a
beautiful woman on skates. Daffy makes a Wolf whistle.]
Daffy: Now all I need a small shelter to spend the winter evenin's.
[Daffy spots Porky's house]
Daffy: Humm....now there's a pigeon. I'll give him my "help I'm freezing my tail
feathers off" routine.
[Daffy walks up to the house and knocks on the door with "shave and a haircut two
[Porky opens the door and sees Daffy shivering]
Daffy: Help! (Cough, Cough) I'm freezin' my tail feathers off!
Porky: Why you p-p-poor half-frozen d-d-d-d-d-d-malard. I'll take you in where it's nice
[Porky's dog, Mandrake (aka Barnyard Dawg from the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons) is sleeping
peacefully on the rug when Porky pulls it out from under him and "tucks" Daffy
in with it]
Porky: Now wait here while I get you a nice warm glass of milk and some nice warm
[Porky leaves. Angry and feeling replaced, Mandrake thinks up hate clouds of ways to kill
Daffy by knife, ax, gun, mallet, anvil, bomb, and TNT]
Mandrake (to the audience): Humph. One of those wise quacking ducks! I'll show him a trick
[Mandrake cuts out the beautiful woman and pastes it on the window. Then, he looks at it
the door and starts making howling noises and wolf whistles]
Mandrake: What a dame!
[Daffy gets up]
Daffy: Hiya Joe, what do ya know?
Mandrake: Check out, dat doll!
[Daffy looks at the window and starts wolf whistling]
Daffy: Hoooowwwwwwwwllld is she?
Mandrake: She told me she has a big surprise out there if ya know what I mean?
[Mandrake elbows Daffy in the stomach]
Daffy: Woo Hoo Hoo Hoo! What a gal!
[Mandrake opens the door]
Mandrake: There she is now, kid! Now her on her feet!
[Daffy runs to the door]
Daffy: Humm....I don't see that beautiful dame no place!
[Mandrake kicks Daffy out in the snow]
Mandrake: And stay out! Ya doity duck!
Daffy: Humph. Looks like one of the jokers from "The Dog Star." I'll fix his
little red wagon once and for all! Help! (Cough, Cough)
[We cut to Mandrake all cozy inside by the fireplace roasting marshmellows]
Daffy (from outside): I'm dyin'! I'm catching pneumonia! Open the door, Richard!
[Mandrake's evil side pops up]
Mandrake's Evil Side: Dat a boy, Mandrake! Let him freeze! It's your home, why should
other people be stayin' in it? Mwa ha ha ha!
[Mandrake's good side pops up]
Mandrake's Good Side: I beg of you not to leave that poor, defenseless duck out there in
the cold. Remember the time he helped you.
Mandrake's Good Side: Well, you should still let him in. He has no home, no food, and no
money. He'll die!
Mandrake's Evil Side: Don't listen to dat sissy! Let him die! Mwa ha ha ha!
Mandrake's Good Side: Aww, shad up!
[Mandrake's Good Side punches Mandrake's Bad Side hard, right through the window. They
Mandrake: Well, I guess I could let him in ta warm himself.
[Mandrake runs outside and sees a Daffy snow man and starts bringing him in, when he sees
Daffy: Ah yes! Cold, isn't it?
[Mandrake immagines himself as a "Sucker." Later we see Daffy inside humming
"Ya Musta Been a Beautiful Baby." All of a sudden he hears Mandrake howling
outside and starts tossing and turn. Then, he gets up]
Daffy: Well, ya wouldn't think for a minute I'd let him freeze!
[Daffy walks outside and finds that Mandrake is inside]
Mandrake: How are things in Alaska, duck!
[Daffy runs towards the lower half of the door. Mandrake shuts the lower half of the door
in Daffy's face, causing him to vibrate. Daffy says a bunch of stuff real fast then
suddenly stops vibrating]
Daffy: Sold! To the stupid dog with blood-shot eyes!
[Daffy wacks Mandrake on the head with a mallet]
Daffy: Woo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo!
[Daffy runs off into the living room and hides in picture hanging on the wall of the
"petrified forest" and acts as a hole in the tree. Mandrake grabs and gives a
swing at the tree but then he vibrates because the tree is petrified. They start fighting
forming a cloud of dust]
Porky: Hey w-w-what's goin' on in there?
[Porky walks downstairs and grabs both of them by the neck]
Porky: N-n-n-n-now out with b-b-b-both of ya!
Daffy: Okay dokay!
[We go outside and see Porky and Mandrake being thrown out]
Daffy: And that is that!
[The phone rings. Daffy answers it]
Man: Yes. This is the land-lord, you're three months past payment! You owe a five thousand
dollar debt fee.
[Daffy makes a shocked look. Then, he kicks himself outside with Porky and Mandrake]
Daffy: This shouldn't happen to duck!
THAT'S ALL FOLKS