| "The Daffy Dog" Written by Pietro Shakarian [We open on a very snowy day, a flock of ducks flying south while Daffy Duck laughs] Daffy: Suckers! Well, I ain't flyin' south this winter! Why fly south when you can stay around and check up on this winter business! [Daffy pulls out a paper advertising "Cozy Ski Lodge" with a picture of a beautiful woman on skates. Daffy makes a Wolf whistle.] Daffy: Now all I need a small shelter to spend the winter evenin's. [Daffy spots Porky's house] Daffy: Humm....now there's a pigeon. I'll give him my "help I'm freezing my tail feathers off" routine. [Daffy walks up to the house and knocks on the door with "shave and a haircut two bits"] Porky: C-c-c-coming! [Porky opens the door and sees Daffy shivering] Daffy: Help! (Cough, Cough) I'm freezin' my tail feathers off! Porky: Why you p-p-poor half-frozen d-d-d-d-d-d-malard. I'll take you in where it's nice and warm. [Porky's dog, Mandrake (aka Barnyard Dawg from the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons) is sleeping peacefully on the rug when Porky pulls it out from under him and "tucks" Daffy in with it] Porky: Now wait here while I get you a nice warm glass of milk and some nice warm s-s-s-s-s-s-broth. [Porky leaves. Angry and feeling replaced, Mandrake thinks up hate clouds of ways to kill Daffy by knife, ax, gun, mallet, anvil, bomb, and TNT] Mandrake (to the audience): Humph. One of those wise quacking ducks! I'll show him a trick or two. [Mandrake cuts out the beautiful woman and pastes it on the window. Then, he looks at it the door and starts making howling noises and wolf whistles] Mandrake: What a dame! [Daffy gets up] Daffy: Hiya Joe, what do ya know? Mandrake: Check out, dat doll! [Daffy looks at the window and starts wolf whistling] Daffy: Hoooowwwwwwwwllld is she? Mandrake: She told me she has a big surprise out there if ya know what I mean? [Mandrake elbows Daffy in the stomach] Daffy: Woo Hoo Hoo Hoo! What a gal! [Mandrake opens the door] Mandrake: There she is now, kid! Now her on her feet! [Daffy runs to the door] Daffy: Humm....I don't see that beautiful dame no place! [Mandrake kicks Daffy out in the snow] Mandrake: And stay out! Ya doity duck! Daffy: Humph. Looks like one of the jokers from "The Dog Star." I'll fix his little red wagon once and for all! Help! (Cough, Cough) [We cut to Mandrake all cozy inside by the fireplace roasting marshmellows] Daffy (from outside): I'm dyin'! I'm catching pneumonia! Open the door, Richard! Mandrake: (Gulp) [Mandrake's evil side pops up] Mandrake's Evil Side: Dat a boy, Mandrake! Let him freeze! It's your home, why should other people be stayin' in it? Mwa ha ha ha! [Mandrake's good side pops up] Mandrake's Good Side: I beg of you not to leave that poor, defenseless duck out there in the cold. Remember the time he helped you. [Mandrake shrugs] Mandrake's Good Side: Well, you should still let him in. He has no home, no food, and no money. He'll die! Mandrake's Evil Side: Don't listen to dat sissy! Let him die! Mwa ha ha ha! Mandrake's Good Side: Aww, shad up! [Mandrake's Good Side punches Mandrake's Bad Side hard, right through the window. They fade away] Mandrake: Well, I guess I could let him in ta warm himself. [Mandrake runs outside and sees a Daffy snow man and starts bringing him in, when he sees Daffy inside] Daffy: Ah yes! Cold, isn't it? [Mandrake immagines himself as a "Sucker." Later we see Daffy inside humming "Ya Musta Been a Beautiful Baby." All of a sudden he hears Mandrake howling outside and starts tossing and turn. Then, he gets up] Daffy: Well, ya wouldn't think for a minute I'd let him freeze! [Daffy walks outside and finds that Mandrake is inside] Mandrake: How are things in Alaska, duck! [Daffy runs towards the lower half of the door. Mandrake shuts the lower half of the door in Daffy's face, causing him to vibrate. Daffy says a bunch of stuff real fast then suddenly stops vibrating] Daffy: Sold! To the stupid dog with blood-shot eyes! [Daffy wacks Mandrake on the head with a mallet] Daffy: Woo Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoo! [Daffy runs off into the living room and hides in picture hanging on the wall of the "petrified forest" and acts as a hole in the tree. Mandrake grabs and gives a swing at the tree but then he vibrates because the tree is petrified. They start fighting forming a cloud of dust] Porky: Hey w-w-what's goin' on in there? [Porky walks downstairs and grabs both of them by the neck] Porky: N-n-n-n-now out with b-b-b-both of ya! Daffy: Okay dokay! [We go outside and see Porky and Mandrake being thrown out] Daffy: And that is that! [The phone rings. Daffy answers it] Daffy: Hello? Man: Yes. This is the land-lord, you're three months past payment! You owe a five thousand dollar debt fee. [Daffy makes a shocked look. Then, he kicks himself outside with Porky and Mandrake] Daffy: This shouldn't happen to duck! Iris Out. THAT'S ALL FOLKS |
