starring Daffy Duck and Speedy Gonzales
Written by Matthew Hunter (a.k.a. BeepBeep), Brandon Pierce, and Pietro
(We open on Daffy Duck's cozy little home beside a frozen Lake Acme, USA. The mailman is
bringing Daffy a package)
Daffy: Aw, shut up will ya? I'm comin!
Mailman: Delicious delicacy delivery designated for Daffy Duck!
Daffy: Why, thank you my good man! Quite a blitthard, ain't it? Ah! This must be that
Mexican cheese I ordered. Wouldn't be a burrito without it. I'm a sucker for good Mexican
food...as long as it's done RIGHT.
(Daffy rips into the package, ready to load the contents into the refrigerator. But the
contents are not cheese:
Speedy Gonzales: BURRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP! Oh, pardon me, senor pato! Hey, where am I? Thees
don't look like the Ajax queso factoria to me....
Daffy: What in the?! A mouse? I ordered CHEESE!
Speedy: Oh, I am sorry senor! Was that queso reserved?
Daffy: As a matter of fact, it WAS, rodent! I'm supposed to have a party next week, and
the food and theme are MEXICAN. It's a FIESTA, mouse, and that cheese was supposed to go
in the burritos!
Speedy: Oh, I am very sorry senor pato. I would gladly pay you for the cheese senor, but
you see I gots no money. I am a mouse, and I was helping my hungry amigos get their supper
when I fell into a packing machine!
Daffy: Well, either way, you're a pestht! You've eaten my rare and expensive cheese, and
you're an unthanitary little rodent! I'm gonna have to exsthterminate you right now!
Speedy: Hey, wait senor! Do not blow your top! I meant no harm. It's probably not kind to
eat and leave, but I would appreciate it eef you sent thees package back where eet came
from, so I can go home!
Daffy: You made yer bed, now sthleep in it! I'm not sthpending the money to send ya back
ANYWHERE! You know how expensive stamps have gotten lately? Thirty-seven thents, which is
more money than you've got mousthe!
Speedy: Well, I guess I have no choice. I weel have to stay weeth you.
Daffy: WWWWHHHAT?! I think not! Lastht thing I need a week before I have a bunch of
limelight-hogging cartoon cothtars in my housthe is a mousthe wreckin' it! Now get out!
(Daffy kicks Speedy, box and all, out into the snow)
Speedy: Aye, carumba! Eet must be cold eenough to freeze boiling tabasco sauce out here! I
am not used to thees, we do not have weather thees cold in Mexico! I weel surely
fr--fr-FREEZE to death!
Daffy: I hated to do that, but the lastht thing I need is a pestht in my nestht!
Speedy: Well, eet ees either eempose on the duck or become a mouse-icle...I weel just have
to ram through the door!
(Speedy, with an "Andale! Andale!" and a powerful burst of speed, leaves a
perfect cutout of himself in Daffy's wooden doo)
Daffy: Dagnabbit! Firstht a mousthe, now artisthtic termitesth!
Speedy: Hello again Senor duck! I forget to tell you, I am Speedy Gonzales, the fastest
mouse een all Mexico, and I suppose a few parts North. I am a friend to all, but I
do not weesh to die of the frostbites!
Daffy: I thought I told you to thcram!
Speedy: Hey, amigo, leesten. That ees nasty weather out there. Neither one of us can
leave. We must tolerate each other at least unteel the snow stops...then I can run home. I
can go faster than even the aero-planes!
Daffy: Aw, great. A live-in pipsthqueak mousthe. Well, sthtay outta my way will ya?!
Speedy: Okay, senor Duck!
Daffy: Fine! (Yawn) I'll just be catchin' some Z's now! Whatever you do, don't disturb me!
Speedy: Ce, Senor!
(Daffy climbs into bed)
Daffy: (Yawn) Boy, this bed feels good, just like in one of them deluxe hotels!
(Daffy turns around and sees Speedy in his bed too)
Daffy: ACK!! What are you doin' in my bed, ya stupid rodent?
Speedy: Sleeping, senor pato! I am very tired, I theenk!
Daffy: Oh, is that so?
Daffy: Well, I guess ya can!
Speedy: Gracious senor Daffy! And eef you don't mind, I like listening to music. It makes
Daffy: Okay, sure, kid! Just don't disturb me.
(Speedy turns on the radio)
Announcer: Thes is your local non-stop Mexican music company, bringing you six hours of
non-stop hot Spanish music.
("The Mexican Hat Dance" starts to play. Daffy tells Speedy to turn down the
sound, but Speedy can't hear him, and he can't hear Speedy. Daffy finally gives up and
tries to sleep. Everytime a different song starts we see Daffy in a different position in
the bed. Then, we see he on the couch while the music is still playing. So, he finally
runs outside into the snow and tries to sleep there, but he can still hear the music.
Finally, the music stops, and Daffy looks at the audience and starts crying and laughing
insanely at the same time)
Speedy: Now that's what I call a loco duck, I theenk!
(Later, Daffy gets back in the house and continues to sleep. In the morning, he wakes up
at 11:30 with extremely blood-shot eyes)
Daffy: (Yawn) What a night! It feels like I hit the corn juice again!
(Speedy rushes in)
Speedy: Oh senor plato! Would you like to join me for brunch?
Daffy: Sure... I might as well eat something before the party starts...
Speedy: What you mean before? The party started 5 weeks ago Rip Van Duck.
Daffy: WHAT?! I missed my own party?! Why didn't you wake me up?! I musta really looked
ridiculous on the floor.
Speedy: As a matter afact, one of the party members buried you alive. I save you.
Daffy: Oh..... well.... thanks... HEY! How do I know you saved me!? I was asleep!
Speedy: Uhhh....is these the sixty-four peso question?
Daffy (taking out a gun): Eat gun powder rodent!
Speedy: No thanks. I already have gum powder.
Daffy: I said GUN powder not GUM powder! Now stand still! This hurts me more than it does
(Daffy pulls trigger, gun explodes Daffy now has gum all over him)
Daffy: Ohhh... you little rodent! You've REALLY asked for it this time!
Speedy: What you complaining about, Senor Pato? I got gum on me too!
(Daffy starts chasing after Speedy, but starts to slow down and run with noticeably more
effort. He tries grabbing Speedy, but he misses, and snaps backward)
(Daffy is flung into the wall.)
Speedy: Hey, senor duck, I theenk you step in gum.
Daffy: Why, you little.....
Speedy: Ah-ah-ah, remember, We gotta live nice together unteel the snow ends.
Daffy: Oh yeah?! Well if it's been FIVE WEEKS, the snow would've ended by now!
Speedy: Deed I say weeks? I am sorry, ees my poor English. I meant to say
"hours." I got up at the crack of dawn, you sleep for five hours after that.
Daffy: So-so...so...I DIDN'T sleep through your sthtay here?
Daffy: And....and I DIDN'T miss my own party?
Speedy: No. Just my party.
Speedy: I deedn't theek you'd mind. You actually get a preety good mariachi station on the
radio. I had a lot of fun weeth a cucaracha....the only problem weeth bugs ees that when
the sun gets too bright they go back eenside the wall.
Daffy: Aw, Thanks!! What a houseguest! You keep me up all night, ya get me all worked up
over a sthlip of the tongue, and ya hostht a party at MY house and attract roaches at the
Speedy: De Nada.
Speedy: Why you so mad you loco duck?
(Daffy grabs Speedy and carries him to the door. He then kicks Speedy out into the snow)
Speedy: Hey, what you do that for?
Daffy: No more mithe in my houthe! PERIOD!
(Daffy slams the door
Speedy: I theenk I gonna have to come up weeth a plan. I cannot stay out here een the
cold, but I cannot stay een there weeth the duck. Say, I theenk I gotta come up weeth a
disguise that that duck ees scared of, so he stay away....
(Speedy eyes a white linen napkin on the clothesline)
Speedy: That's eet!
(During the night, Daffy is sitting by the fire place, all snug in his arm chair)
Daffy: Gee....I wonder if I've been too hard on that rodent! Maybe I'll let him in for a
few minutes to warm him up, then I'll throw him back!
(Daffy walks outside and sees a snowman version of Speedy)
Daffy: ACK! He's frozen!
(Daffy immagines himself in an eletric chair)
Daffy: (Gulp) I gotta get him inside before it's too late!
(Daffy brings the snow Speedy in and puts it in front of the fire place)
Daffy: Please don't die! Please! Pleeeeeease don't die!
(The snowmam melts. Speedy flies down, via umbrella, in an angel costume)
Speedy: Greetings senor, Daffy! Are you still a loco duck?
Daffy: Oh, uh...........hi Speedy! Heh, heh, heh.......
Speedy: Since you've done thes cruel act of murder, I'm sending you....you know....down
there, I theenk.
Daffy: I'll do anything! ANYTHING?
(Fade out. Fade in: a party by Speedy and his friends)
Daffy: What a revoltin' development this is!
Mouse #1: Hey, Speedy, thes is a great party!
Mouse #2: Thes is good Mexican cheese, Speedy!
Daffy: Mexican Cheese?
Speedy: Of course, you loco duck. What would a fiesta be without Mexican cheese? I saved
just enough for the party in that package.
Daffy: Y-you mean you had it all the time?
Speedy: Of course I did, you loco, pato!
Daffy: H-h-he had it all the time? HE HAD IT ALL THE TIME! WOO HOO! WOO HOO HOOO!
(Daffy insanely hops off in the distance)
Mouse #3: Gee, Speedy, what is the problem weth that loco duck?
Speedy: I dunno. I guess maybe he don't like Mexican food! Hehehehehe.
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
A Warner Bros. - Seven Arts CartOOn
A Vitagraph Release