| PART II: Fun with Bodyswapping! [Cut to Kellner sitting alone at the table, as all the other villians are with our heroes. On the floor are various WBA writers, artists, storyboarders, etc. But they're not the ones we know and love--they're a "new generation", brought in to make sure that the lineup is particularly unfunny.] KELLNER: Hee hee…I eliminated almost all of the *GOOD* writers at WBA by my mistreatment of their shows…and these new writers are so *UNFUNNY*, The Scout Show can't fail! Mu-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa!!!!! STRORYBOARD ARTIST: Um, sir? We have a problem. KELLNER: Huh? What kind of a problem? WRITER: Well, analyzing this monstrosity you're creating...it *IS* an insanely stupid idea doomed to failure...and yet, combining all these funny cartoons into one show...it does have some slight chance of being...good. KELLNER: WHAT?! We can't have that. No... ANIMATOR: Well, um, the only way to eliminate that miniscule chance is by adding a distinctly unfunny character. KELLNER: And what would you suggest? WRITER: Well, you have had some huge bombs, which you could easily revive to become part of this thing...Waynehead, for one... ANIMATOR: And you still have some shows around that just aren't funny...perhaps, Elmyra? KELLNER: Hm...we shall see. Let me ponder this... [Walks over to window with an evil grin on his face.] [Cut to our heroes. Splicer and Phrankenstein enter.] DR. P: Well, I trust you've all had a nice nap? Heheeeheee...we haven't been discussing a conveniently-devised-in-the-interim-time plan of escape, have we? ALL: [sounding like a grade school classroom] Nooooo... DR. P: Good! Now, then, let's begin! SPLICER: Right, you are, my dear...[Turns to Buster] Hey, there, blue-ears, I've got a riddle for you: what do you get when you combine two squirrels, three rabbits, three "puppy-children", a genetically-altered lab mouse, a dog, and a cat into one monster-dog? BUSTER: I dunno...what? SPLICER: You get the source for a new Kids WB humor-based cartoon show, ha! SLAPPY: Hey, I guess it *is* like that Kitty Birdy Mickey Rooney Pinky Finger Big Cartoonie Show thing after all! [Now, Splicer and Phrankenstein are about to throw the switch to combine all of the cartoons' traits into Scout.] PHRANKENSTEIN: I'm afraid it's over! Mu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!! [She's inches away from pulling the switch, when through the door bursts Axel.] AXEL: Hold the (bleep)in' phone! That son-of-a-(bleep) Mr. Kellner has another smart-(bleep) (bleep)in' idea! SPLICER: Which is...? AXEL: He plans to throw one more (bleep)in' character into the mix. SPLICER: Hmm... another character? Why are you telling us this, *now*? We'll have to recalibrate... DR P: *Sigh* lock the 'toons back up, Axel... [Axel grabs them and drags them off] [Cut to everyone back in their prison cells.] BRAIN: Something just doesn't seem right. WAKKO: Like what? BRAIN: Everything feels so contrived. SLAPPY: Jeese Louise, over here... like that point hasn't been driven into the ground by now, thanks to those insipid writers? BRAIN: I'm still uncertain about this concept. SLAPPY: Everything that's happening is being caused by a buncha fans hangin' on that Internet thingamajig. Whatever they write is reality. BRAIN: So you're saying that the words coming out of my mouth at this instant are being written by someone at a keyboard? ALL: *Y-E-S* BRAIN: I don't buy it... YAKKO: It's true. Here, look at this script. [Brain looks over the script, and sees that every word that's just been said has already been written.] BRAIN: You and your siblings are famous for tricks like that. It doesn't prove a thing. DOT: Ok, Brain. Last we knew, Billie was staying with you and Pinky because you three finally were working together as a team after "Circle Closing In", right? BRAIN: Yes... DOT: So where is she? BRAIN: She decided to stay home in the lab today. DOT: If given a choice, would she rather stick by Pinky's side all day, or stay home for no good reason? BRAIN: So she's only absent because some story writers were too lazy to incorporate her into a story they were making? DOT: I give up... hey you at the keyboard? You've obviously been writing this for a reason, get to the point! [Cut to Romey at his computer, typing this nonsense just cuz he feels like it.] ROMEY: Oh fine, ruin my fun... [Back in the holding cells, the lights go out. A bright light flashes, followed by roaring thunder. The lights come back on, and Billie is now standing outside the bars.] BRAIN: Billie? BILLIE: Hey, how'd I get here? And why are you all behind bars? Where's Pinky? SLAPPY: We don't have time to give you the details. You aren't even in this episode. BILLIE: Oh, I get it! That's why I stayed in the lab for no good reason! This is a dimensional distortion created within the minds of people who are writing a fanfic! SLAPPY: I guess you're smarter than Brain... BILLIE: Well, I suppose I'm not meant to be here. I wish there was something I could do to help, but if we're under the control of some all powerful fanboys, there's not much I can do. Bye! [The room darkens again, more thunder and lighting strike. Billie vanishes.] SLAPPY: Hey, the guy who's writing this, I'd like ta have a word with you! [Romey enters the scene from out of nowhere.] ROMEY: Yes? SLAPPY: I think the readers are sick of this scene. Get on with it! ROMEY: But they all seemed to like it last time... and the time before that…and the time before that… [Slappy shoves a few sticks of dynamite down Romey's pants and blows him through the roof. Gene Splicer & Dr. Phrankenstein enter.] SPLICER: Come now kiddies, what's all the racket? ALL: Don't ask! SPLICER: Oh well, hee hee... the machine is recalibrated! DR-P: We're sure you'll all love to be one with... Elmyra! BRAIN: *Gulp* not again... SLAPPY: Ugh...talk about contrivance...talk about cliché...talk about overused plot device...oy... BRAIN: Well, stop whining. We need a plan! Again! YAKKO: Why does this seem so familiar? DOT: Who knows? All I know is the plot hasn't gone *ANYWHERE* in pages...hopefully Pinky will arrive to save us from this monotony soon... [Cut to Pinky and the Godfather...] GODFATHER: [Speaking into phone] Hello, my friend...yes, I have a proposition for you...It seems that a certain someone who will remain nameless at the moment for the sake of the quote-unquote plot is going to eliminate all the funny WBA 'toons from the face of the planet, thereby making the lineup all-Pokémon, all the time! And we need you to help. What can we give you? Well, um...I have some cheeseballs I could spare...and, um...Pinky, do you happen to have anymore of those yummy Chumpsickles™? PINKY: Mm-hm. [Pulls out two] GODFATHER: Excellent. [Hangs up.] He's agreed to help. He'll meet us in Central Park in an hour. PINKY: Now what? GODFATHER: We wait... [Cut back to our heroes...] SLAPPY: Y'know, we've been sitting here for about half the fanfic by now, and not a flippin' thing has happened! We're right back where we started! WAKKO: True... [All look up. Cut to Craig at his computer.] CRAIG: Alright, alright... [Back to the cartoons. Dr. P and Splicer enter with Elmyra.] ELMYRA: Ooo, I'm gonna be one with all my favorite fuzzy-wuzzy heads! Hyuk-huk! ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRAIN: Before you guys were being evil, but this is just plain *SICK*! We won't stand for it! C'mon, guys! Let's put our plan into action! DOT: *WHAT* plan?! You never told us any plan! BRAIN: Just read the script! It's all written down there before I say it, remember? WAKKO: Faboo! We can use this to our advantage! [All pull out their scripts, speed-read through the good part, and slam the scripts shut simultaneously.] BRAIN: Ready? ALL: Yeah! [Cut to Pinky and the Godfather sitting at a deli table, with a plate full of chocolate rumballs between them. The Godfather holds a rumball between thumb and forefinger.] GODFATHER: Y'see, Columbus knew the world was round, like this... [A hand reaches to pull back a corner of the background painting; Sharklady sticks her head through.] SHARKLADY: Hey, guys! Brain and the others are in urgent need of assistance- what're you doing hanging around here?! PINKY: Well, we were waiting for a contributor to decide what we're going to do to help. SHARKLADY: Well, we're finally breaking this monotonous standstill in the plot. So if you two want any role in this story, you'd better get moving! [She pulls the corner closed, then re-opens it] [To Godfather] By the way, I loved your performance in The Freshman! [Closes corner again] GODFATHER: [Shaking his head as he wraps the rumballs in a napkin] Some people are always in a hurry. PINKY: And she's probably impatient to get to a scene where Brain uses his intellectual prowess to defeat the Bad Guys. She really likes that kind of thing. GODFATHER: [Pocketing the rumballs] Well, let's go. It's almost time to meet our…friend. [They exit the deli.] [Cut back to the Bad Guy's lair, where we see the scientists strapping the Oaf to a table...] ELMYRA: Ooooh, I'll get to be joined with my big-headed mousey-wousey again! BRAIN: Oh, goody... [Brain rolls his eyes, and looks worried/irritated] DR. P: So, the boss wants us to drain Elmyra into Scout, huh? Well, sure, why not? SPLICER: Yeah, it'll be fun, my little mad scientist cupcake! [Splicer and Dr. P make kissy faces again, as the others look on with nausea] [The scientists then proceed to throw various switches and levers again; Dr. P is about to start singing again...] SLAPPY: Please, don't! We've heard enough singin' from you for one story already! It's almost as bad as that "Me-ow" song! RITA: Not with that song again! What is it with you and that one? SLAPPY: Hey, can I help it if you sounded like an alley cat bein' put through a blender? [Pauses] Hey, you *are* an alley cat! Heh, heh... RITA: *Sigh*…and to think there was even *MORE* of you dumping on that song in the unedited version…at least the editor has *SOME* sense… [Cut to Craig, who displays a huge smile. Cut back to Rita.] RITA: Whoa. That was weird. Almost as if some all-powerful being was putting words in my mouth… DOT: How odd… SLAPPY: Enough with the meta-humor already... BRAIN: SILENCE! Splicer, Phrankenstein? We are prepared to fully co-operate with your experiment! SPLICER: Woah there, kiddies what the heck are you talking about? This experiment is supposed to be an unspeakable act of science gone astray! It just doesn't work if you willingly co-operate! BRAIN: [Whispering to Slappy] I hope this works... SLAPPY: Trust me, it'll work... unless the writers get into an argument an' start throwin' anvils at each other, then we're doomed. Actually, that's pretty probable, now that I think of it… BRAIN: How reassuring... DR P: [To Splicer] Who cares whether they're willing or not? They'll probably suffer intolerable levels of physical pain anyways! SPLICER: Thanks, I was worried that having willing victims would make the procedure feel less evil, ha! BRAIN: Blast! [Gives Slappy an angry glance.] SLAPPY: Well, I guess they did get into that anvil fight after all... [Jump ahead to all the WB good guys strapped down on tables, ready to be melded into one, inside the body of a dog...]
DR P: Everything's ready! We just need to set the timer and throw the switch! Come, let's leave for no good reason at a critical moment in our plan! YAKKO: Yes, Mr. Bond… [Dr. P throws the switch; a computerized voice counts down, as she and Splicer exit] COMPUTER: Mental transfer in... 10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 [All the characters are gritting their teeth, not knowing what to expect] 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1... [A huge surge of energy flows along wires from the 'toons to Dr. P's dog. Their bodies tense as they lose consciousness, then collapse, lifeless and dead. All is dark... all is nothing... nothing but thought] BRAIN'S THOUGHT: Where am I? I feel cold, naked...well, moreso than usual... YAKKO'S THOUGHT: Really? I can't even feel my legs... BRAIN'S THOUGHT: How can you hear me? I'm not speaking! SLAPPY'S THOUGHT: Coulda fooled me! BRAIN'S THOUGHT: Wait! It's all coming back to me... we were on tables, with wires connected to our cerebrums. Of course, the plan! Everyone, we need to concentrate on the same thing, to regain consciousness. We're inside the same mind, we must create a pseudo reality to get our bearings. WAKKO'S THOUGHT: What should we think of? BRAIN'S THOUGHT: Visualize everyone else. [Through the darkness, one light at a time brightens, taking the shape of an individual character. In front of them appear two large eyes, from which they can see the outside world] BRAIN: Perfect! We've managed to stay as individuals in the same brain. Now we can take down this insipid operation from the *inside*. SLAPPY: Great, so how do we control this body? YAKKO: And where's Elmyra? BRAIN: Hmm, if none of *us* have control, and Elmyra's not here then... she's controlling the body! We must find some way to take control, and execute our plan... [Suddenly, there's movement outside Scout's eyes; it's Zalgar entering the chamber. Smirking, he steps to the table where Brain's body lies, unstraps it, and delicately plucks off the electrodes.] BRAIN: [Horrified] Oh, no! Zalgar's come to claim his entree- we've got to stop him! [The eye-view lurches forward- but then dives against the floor, pain-stars obscuring the view.] WAKKO: Oww! We'd better get more coordinated before we try that again! [The stars fade, allowing them to see Zalgar, smacking his lips, carrying Brain's body from the room.] BRAIN: [Desperate] If Zalgar eats my cerebrum, my body won't be fit for me to return to! I'll be stuck inside this hideous canine carcass permanently! RUNT: Aw, you get used to it after a while. DOT: Umm, just a moment- I think I'm getting some control of the neck muscles. [The eye-view shifts again, as the head turns from side to side... and suddenly stops, as Dot's attention is caught by another approaching creature. This one is much smaller; orange with brown spots, and a crooked tail. It's Pikachu. Nose wiggling, he regards Scout with curiousity.] SLAPPY: What the heck is that? A defective calico puppy? YAKKO: Whatever it is, it sure is cute! DOT: Hey! I'm the only one who gets to be... BRAIN: Please, not now, Dot! Do any of you have enough control over the legs to move us closer? RITA: I think I might... [The eye-view lurches a bit nearer to the critter, now sitting up and staring at them, round-mouthed.] What I could really use is control over our jaws- that thing looks delicious! BRAIN: [As they continue the approach] No, don't hurt it! Just get us near enough to touch...somehow I have a feeling, my consciousness is still attached loosely enough to.... [Through the eye-view, the dog's nose is seen to lightly tap Pikachu's, and suddenly there's a blinding white flash. Pikachu squeals. Pull Back to show Pikachu tumbling across the room, fetching up against a table base. Carefully he gets to his feet, feeling himself all over.] PIKACHU: [Speaking with Brain's voice] This may not be a particularly formidable body - but at least it's the size I'm used to handling! And I don't have to share... [Takes a quick look back, at the dazed and wobbly Scout] I'll be back soon- I must rescue my cranium! [PikaBrain leaves the room, in hurrying pursuit of Zalgar. In the usual jerking Amine fashion, PikaBrain bounds into the hallway, and is dismayed to see only a row of closed doors.] PIKABRAIN: I don't have time to check every room! [Wiggling his nose] But I seem to possess improved olfactory sensitivity. And this creature I share consciousness with is fortunately willing to accept my dominance. If I can only tap into it's memory, to learn the identity of these scents... [PikaBrain raises paws to either side of his head, concentrates for a few seconds... then resumes sniffing, his nose promptly turning toward one particular door. Close in on this door's keyhole, through which can be seen a contented Zalgar, fastening a napkin around his neck. Pass Through keyhole to get the complete view: Zalgar is seated at a fully appointed dining room table. On a plate before him lies the comotose Brain, his upper cranium marked with a black dotted line.] ZALGAR: This delicacy has taken an inordinately long time to acquire- but it should taste all the better for that! [Zalgar grasps a small circular saw, positions it above Brain's head and is about to activate it... when PikaBrain suddenly leaps onto the table, straddling the plate protectively and baring his teeth.] ZALGAR: [Annoyed] Shoo, you cloyingly cute import! Go back to Kellner's office! [Zalgar pulls back a hand to swat PikaBrain. Instinctively, PikaBrain arches his tail and shoots an electrical bolt at Zalgar, who falls unconscious to the floor.] PIKABRAIN: [Looking surprised] This creature has better defenses than I originally perceived! [He turns attention to his former body.] PIKABRAIN: Well, I have some time to figure out how to reverse the consciousness-transfer! [Experimentally, he touches his nose to Brain's; sighs when nothing happens] It was too much to hope I could do it that easily. Back to the chamber, then! [In the manner of a mother cat transporting a kitten, PikaBrain grasps the mouse-body in his mouth, jumps down from the table and darts away.] [Fade back to the new-and-"improved" Scout; we see Dr. P, Splicer, the other villains, and Kellner looking pleased over their evil work...] KELLNER: Excellent work, Splicer and Phrankenstein! With all the popular WB characters drained into this monstrosity of a mongrel, the one new humor-based show in my partners' planned all-Poké lineup will be sure to crash and burn, discrediting both humor-based shows on Kids WB *and* the artists, writers, voice talent, and directors that work on this show! Ha! SPLICER: Anything for evil, sir....now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get to work on performing a few more experiments on those pastel-colored bunnies, heh... DR. P: And I'd like to preserve that sheepdog's brain for my personal collection...it has great lines, very rare! A real collector's item... KELLNER: But of course...that was part of the bargain. You may all do as you wish with your respective enemies...see you all later! [Kellner exits the room] [The villains all have a delighted look in their eyes...] WALTER: Finally, I'll get the chance to do what I've always wanted to do to that Slappy Squirrel! Time for a reenactment of... [Whips out a hand grenade] the First World War, Miss Squirrel! Ha! [The mad scientists look at the lifeless body of Elmyra] SPLICER: Gee, I wonder what we should do with the lifeless body of this dimbulb redheaded girl... DR. P: I dunno...file it under "A C Priority" for now, my darling! SPLICER: Anything you say, sugar lips...[Splicer sticks Elmyra's body back into a stasis tube] [Cut back inside Scout's head...] WAKKO: What do we do now? They're gonna do horrible experiments on all of our bodies! SLAPPY: That, or start singing that "Hands On Kind of Gal" song again...either way, we've got to stop them! RITA: But how? We still haven't completely mastered how to control Scout here yet...and Brain is still missing! [We see the scientists round up Buster, Babs, and Runt's bodies to use for their own nefarious ends. Axel, Montana Max, and the Monstars also enter and go about collecting their respective enemies. And we see Walter, Beanie, and Sid stick Slappy's body under a large anvil... ] SLAPPY: [Looking out of Scout's eyes] Oooh, Walter's gonna pay big-time if we ever get outta this Kitty Birdie Cartoonie Cabana Whatever Show of a dog here! [Cut to Pinky, with the Godfather] PINKY: Um, we don't seem to be seeing much action in this story, do we, Mr. Godfather? GODFATHER: Indeed not, my friend...I can only hope things improve for us soon. [Heavily labored, as if to imply something] *COUGH*, *COUGH*... [A mysterious figure approaches the two.] PINKY: *Gasp* Look! [The figure is wearing a hood, obscuring his face.] GODFATHER: Why da heck are you dressed like that? Are you being followed? Is someone after you? Are you undercover? HOODED FIGURE: Nope...it's just that the writers couldn't figure out who I am yet... [Cut to Craig] CRAIG: [Nods his head sadly.] I'm having some writers' block... I can't force it...I need *INSPIRATION*! [Cut back to the trio.] GODFATHER: Very well...we shall save your identity for later...as for now: to the villains' lair! PINKY: Which is where...? GODFATHER: Well, according to the script, it's right behind us! [They spin around, and there they are.] HOODED FIGURE: But...we were in the middle of Central Park a moment ago! PINKY: Naaarrrrffffff...it's almost as if some all-powerful force is controlling our every action, every word...the entire universe! GODFATHER: Ssshhh! We three haven't discovered that revelation yet! PINKY: Oh, right... GODFATHER: Well, my friends, it is time to separate the men and the mice! No offence, of course... PINKY: None taken...TROZ! HOODED FIGURE: Then in we go! [They walk toward the door.] [Cut to a nearby hallway, where we see PikaBrain, Brain's body still in mouth, running in the direction of the lab...] PIKABRAIN: I hope I'm not too late!... [He reaches the chamber door. Dismayed to see all the villains present, he ducks beneath a rolling tray table.] PIKABRAIN: [Thinking] I leave this place for five minutes, and it turns into Times Square... [Cautiously poking his head out, PikaBrain sights Scout, still looking dazed and unsteady on his feet. Suddenly, Scout's eyes focus, alarmed. PikaBrain follows Scout's line of sight, and sees Walter Wolf raising a huge mallet above Slappy's head, about to smash her. PikaBrain flicks his tail forward and fires an electric jolt at Walter's backside.] WALTER: [Leaping nine feet in the air] YEEOOWW! [All the other bad guys turn to stare at Walter, perplexed.] SPLICER: What on earth's the matter with you?! WALTER: [Clutching his rear, furiously glancing around for the culprit] Something just zapped me! [Zalgar enters, also furious] ZALGAR: And I know what! It's that precious orange rat of yours, Kellner- it just knocked me out and stole my dinner! [Scout looks much happier. PikaBrain shrinks further back into his hiding place.] KELLNER: [Puzzled] You mean Pikachu? But what reason would he have to...? [Kellner's pocket pager buzzes loudly; Kellner impatiently whips out his cell phone.] KELLNER: This had better be important! VOICE OVER PHONE: [Urgent] Mr. Kellner, this is Security! We have a situation developing! [All the bad guys crowd around Kellner to listen to the Security report. PikaBrain, taking advantage of the distraction, darts toward Scout and scrambles beneath an adjacent table base. He carefully sets down the lab mouse body, then sticks out his head to address Scout.] PIKABRAIN: How are all of you doing in there? [Scout's facial features twist, becoming similar to Slappy's.] SCOUT - SLAPPY'S VOICE: We're getting things sorted out. Rita's in control of the front legs, Bugs has the back ones, I've got the mouth... PIKABRAIN: [Dryly] You always have. [Scout gives PikaBrain a dirty look.] SCOUT - SLAPPY'S VOICE: I'll let that one go, but only 'cause you just saved my head from getting pounded into lumpy oatmeal... Where was I? Oh yeah; Runt has the tail [It wags], Buster and Babs have the ears [They swivel], I've got Skippy tucked into the nose... that Elmyra kid seems ta be taking a nap, and we're making a point of not disturbing her. PIKABRAIN: Very wise. And what about the Warners? SCOUT - SLAPPY'S VOICE: Those brats are still running around exploring in here. [As she speaks, the dog's head suddenly swells up into Wakko's face, making a Gookie.] SLAPPY'S VOICE: [Heard from inside Scout] Hey! Knock it off! [The head returns to Slappy's.] SCOUT - SLAPPY'S VOICE: [Very sweetly] Wakko, why don't you just settle into the stomach? I'm sure you'll feel right at home there! WAKKO'S VOICE: [Heard from inside Scout] Okay! SCOUT - SLAPPY'S VOICE: But as you can see, we're still a work in progress, so don't plan on taking us into combat any time soon! PIKABRAIN: [Glancing back toward the clustered villains, now jabbering and gesturing excitedly] That probably won't be necessary. It appears we're about to have this room to ourselves again. KELLNER: [Sure enough] We are all going to be needed, to deal with this! Battle stations, everyone! [The bad guys rush from the chamber, except for Kellner, Dr. P. and Splicer. PikaBrain smiles gleefully... then looks dumbfounded, as each of the three villians extracts a security key from the machine's control panel, and leaves with it.] PIKABRAIN: Oh, not! We've got to get those keys back, or we'll never be able to activate the transferring apparatus to return to our rightful bodies! SCOUT - SLAPPY'S VOICE: It figures! Those lousy writers have thrown us a new complication, to keep this story going. They don't care that *we* end up doing all the work...not to mention that this thing is already over-length! [There's a noise from the other end of the room. Scout and PikaBrain turn their heads to see Pinky pushing open a window, and jumping onto the sill.] PINKY: [Addressing the motionless bodies on the tables] Wake up, everybody! You can all escape now! [Looking about for one particular prisoner] Brain? Where are you? PIKABRAIN: [Sighs] I forsee a particularly difficult explanation coming up. [Coming into the open] I'm over here, Pinky! [Pinky leaps from the sill and hurries over.] PINKY: [Delighted] Pikachu! What are you doing here? And have you seen...? [Pinky gasps, spotting Brain's seemingly lifeless form beneath the table] Brain!! NOOOOO!!! [Pinky lifts the body and cradles it tenderly, weeping loudly all the while.] PIKABRAIN: [Shouting over the noise] Pinky! Stop that blubbering! I'm not dead- I'm here! PINKY: [Staring at PikaBrain in complete confusion] How... how come you're talking with Brain's voice? PIKABRAIN: [Indicating the machinery] This device was used to transpose my essential consciousness into another vessel, and I managed to... [Pinky just looks more confused.] [Scout's facial features twist again, becoming those of Yakko.] SCOUT - YAKKO'S VOICE: 'Scuse me, Brain, but I think I can explain it faster. Pinky, did you see last night's rerun of Gilligan's Island? PINKY: Yes. It was the one where the mad scientist came to the island, and he used that thing with the salad bowls to switch the personalities of all the... [Comprehension dawns. Pinky drops Brain's body, to PikaBrain's displeasure. He runs over to PikaBrain.] PINKY: [Hugging PikaBrain] That's how you ended up in there, Brain! You look wonderful! You're bigger, and your fur is so colorful, and your tail... [Leaning around to check] Well, that hasn't changed so much. [Points between Yakko's body and Scout.] And that's how you ended up inside that monster-dog thingee! [Scout's face changes again, into Rita's.] SCOUT - RITA'S VOICE: Actually, we're all in here. And it's pretty crowded! You wanna explain how you did that jumping-out-the-nose trick, Brain? We want to get back into our original selves! PIKABRAIN: I've already attempted that with my own body, and failed. It seems the physiology of this 'Pikachu' creature is required to... [Rita's face changes to Slappy's, looking crankier then ever.] SCOUT - SLAPPY'S VOICE: Enough a' this egghead theorizin'- let's have some action! Rita, Bugs, ya wanta give me some help? [Scout haltingly crosses the distance to Slappy's table. Scout repeatedly pushes Slappy's nose against his own.] Come on, already! PIKABRAIN: [To Pinky] Unfortunately, that method is unlikely to achieve the desired results. The unique bodily structure of this life-form enabled me to transfer inside it, but our own WB bodies are substantially different. PINKY: Umm, maybe it's the same magic that makes the Pokémon fit inside those tiny little globes? [Scout moves from table to table, trying the same maneuver with no better luck.] PIKABRAIN: [Frowning] What is 'Pokémon'? Isn't that the title of that infantile Saturday morning show you always watch? PINKY: [Somewhat resentfully] You should know about it too, Brain! We did film that Promo for it. PIKABRAIN: [Grimacing] We didn't film that, Pinky—the WB hasn't asked us to make anything new for months! They just reuse the same material from old episodes…and that commercial was one of the more insipid ones…flinging myself into unarmed combat against a fire-breathing dragon. How flagrantly out of character... [Scout totters back, now with Bab's face and a very sore nose.] SCOUT - BAB'S VOICE: It looks like you were right, Brain. So the only thing left to do is try to retrieve those security keys. But I wouldn't bet on our succeeding at it, in this clumsy dog! [Even as Babs speaks, Scout's feet tangle and the dog falls in a heap.] PIKABRAIN: There is another possiblity...but you may not like it... SCOUT - BABS' VOICE: Well, what is it? PIKABRAIN: What if you all got into Pokémon hosts instead? [Scout's eyes widen, and his body parts twitch as though glancing at each other.] SCOUT - BAB'S VOICE: The general consensus seems to be, Why Not? At least we'll have separate bodies again... [Bab's face changes to Dot's.] SCOUT - DOT'S VOICE: Ick…being one with a Pokémon…well, strike up another lame-brained idea for our "writers"…and I use the term loosely… PIKABRAIN: I'm afraid it's the only way... [Pressing paws to his head as he taps his host's memory] Pikachu recalls, there are many more 'Pokémon' in Kellner's office. But not all of them are liable to be cooperative. But we should be able to find at least enough for you to transfer into. [Scout's face changes to Bugs Bunny's.] SCOUT - BUGS' VOICE: Hold on, Doc! We can't just abandon our real bodies- what if the Bad Guys come back? I soitanly don't want to stuck in a Poké-body forever... PIKABRAIN: That is a problem... [Just then, the Godfather appears at the window. Frowning to see all the reclining forms, he opens the window all the way.] GODFATHER: Hey, Toons- this is no time to take a nap! You'd better get away while you can! PINKY: They aren't asleep, Godfather! They've had their consciousnesses transferred inside this dog! GODFATHER: Oh! Like on that Gilligan's Island episode? PIKABRAIN: Yes. And until such time as we acquire the means to transfer ourselves back, we need somebody to move our bodies to a safe location and guard them. GODFATHER: I'll do that. [He climbs in through the window.] SCOUT - BUGS' VOICE: Then we're off to Kellner's office! [Scout lurches off, with Pinky running behind. PikaBrain stays back to carefully hand Brain's body to the Godfather.] PIKABRAIN: Just one question, Mr. Corleone; if you're here, who is creating the diversion that drew our enemies away? GODFATHER: [Tucking Brain safely into a coat pocket] A new ally, who prefers to remain conveniently anonymous for now. PIKABRAIN: Very well. We shall contact you as soon as we've completed our operation here. [PikaBrain bounds away after his friends. The Godfather proceeds to sling all the WB bodies over his shoulders.] GODFATHER: [Shaking his head] Seems like every time I meet those lab mice, I end up volunteering to do somethin' totally bizarre.... [Cut to Kellner's Office. Scout, surrounded by a crowd of inquisitive Pokémon, stands to one side of Kellner's desk. The dog cautiously extends his nose to Clefairy, a round pink Pokémon with a curly forelock. As their noses touch, there's a small white flash, and Clefairy goes tumbling. She gets to her feet and examines herself delightedly.] CLEFAIRY: [Dot's voice] I'm cute again! [Dotairy happily starts bouncing like a rubber ball] Boingee, boingee, boingee...! [Pan to the other side of the desk, where PikaBrain writes on a clipboard. Beside him are Pinky and two Pokémon; Psyduck, a rather stupid-looking yellow duckling, and Squirtle, a thick-tailed turtle who's playfully spinning on the back of his shell.] PINKY: [Pulling at PikaBrain's arm] Oh, can't I please be a Pokémon too, Brain? Please-please-please-please-please...? PIKABRAIN: [With strained patience] No, Pinky! In the first place, the transfer can only be done by way of that peculiar canine - for reasons unknown, but I'll research them when I have time. In the second place, why do you want to? You haven't been exiled from your proper body! PINKY: It would just be so much fun, Brain! I could be... [Drawing himself up] Pinkymon! Maybe I would have the power to... to throw hundreds of spitballs and make the bad guys all confused! PIKABRAIN: This isn't for fun. We're engaged in a military operation. SQUIRTLE: [Sitting up and speaking with Wakko's voice] I'm ready for it! Lookit what I can do! [Wakkle opens his mouth and sends a spray of water into PikaBrain's and Pinky's faces. Pinky laughs uproariously, while PikaBrain irritably wipes himself off.] PIKABRAIN: Save it for our enemies, Wakko. [Scout approaches, his face changing to that of Skippy Squirrel.] SCOUT - SKIPPY'S VOICE: Brain? Me an' Aunt Slappy are having trouble getting out of here... PIKABRAIN: [In a flat tone which suggests he's explained it several times] You imagine yourself in the end of that dog's nose - the very tip of it - and the moment you feel it touch a Pokémon nose, you push yourself off. Like jumping off a diving board - have you ever done that? SCOUT - SKIPPY'S VOICE: [Grimacing] I did that once, an' it was scarrry! PIKABRAIN: Then ask your Aunt to assist you. Timidity is not one of her failings. [Scout shuffles off, as Dotairy literally bounces up to the group.] DOTAIRY: Look at me! I'm pink all over! [Jigglypuff - a similar creature, with larger eyes - strolls up.] JIGGLYPUFF: [Rita's voice] So am I, sweetheart! DOTAIRY: [Offended] Hey, no fair! How is anybody supposed to tell us apart? RITAPUFF: Easy. I'll be the one with the microphone. [RitaPuff whips out that instrument, and begins singing, "I want to be the very best/ Like no one ever was..." Most of the others cringe, but Psyduck smiles.] PSYDUCK: [Runt's voice] Your Michael Jackson imitation is pretty, Rita! PIKABRAIN:[Crossly] But somewhat distracting to those of us with work to do. If you could please relocate your concert? [RitaPuff looks huffy, but goes; RuntDuck follows her. Charmeleon, a small red dragon with a flame on the end of it's tail, approaches. PikaBrain's ears flatten, as if that sight has negative associations for him. Smiling gleefully, the dragon pauses to belch a mouthful of flame into a wastebasket, incinerating the contents.] CHARMELEON: [With Slappy's voice] Y'know, this ain't all bad! PIKABRAIN: [Checking 'Slappy' off his clipboard] And where is Skippy? SLAPMELEON: I want to keep him safe, so I got 'im here. [The dragon swings her tail about, to show the flame has a happy Skippy face.] FLAME: [With Skippy's voice] Hello, everybody! [Dotairy and Wakkle turn pained looks on each other.] DOTAIRY: Did we really need another one of those? WAKKLE: No, but I guess we've gotta put up with it for now. This story's got an overly-large cast as it is. [Three successive white flashes flare from the other side of the room.] SLAPMELEON: That's gotta be the bunnies. [A trio of Nidorans - which look like rabbit/horned toad hybrids - hop over. The largest one, Nidoking - who has a powerful-looking tail - pulls a carrot out of nowhere and starts to nibble on the tip.] NIDOKING: [Bug's Voice] Ehh, what's up, Pokey-Docs? [The shorter-horned small Nidoran reaches up, as if to stroke back her spines.] PINKY: [Concerned] Be careful about touching those horns, Babs - they're venomous! OTHER SMALL NIDORAN: [Buster's voice] Neato! We're gonna be great in a fight! PIKABRAIN: [Checking off three more] That's almost done. But where is...? [Right on cue, an untrustworthy-looking cat, Meowth, swaggers over.] MEOWTH: [Yakko's voice] Hey, sibs! Getta load of Me! PIKABRAIN: [Stern, with hands on hips] Yakko, I specifically said no Cats! YAKKOTH: But Meowth is such a neat cat, Brain. He's all attitude! PIKABRAIN: Yes - bad attitude! Pikachu considers him evil! PINKY: Oh, no, Brain! There are no evil Pokémon - just evil trainers. YAKKOTH: [Taking offense] And how could you think I'm any less myself, just because I... [At that moment, Persian, the beautiful lady-cat Pokémon, strolls past. Yakkoth's eyes bug out, his tongue lolling to the ground.] YAKKOTH: Hellooo, Feline Nurse! [Yakkoth starts to pursue Persian off-screen. Dotairy grabs his tail and yanks him back.] DOTAIRY: I don't think you have anything to worry about, Brain - he's definitely still Yakko. PIKABRAIN: [Grudgingly] Very well. [Checks Yakko off his list] That accounts for everybody, except, [Shudder] Elmyra. YAKKOTH: I just left her inside Scout. I didn't want to risk the consequences of waking her up. [PikaBrain has a cautious look around the desk. Still surrounded by curious Pokémon, Scout slumbers on the floor. He stirs a bit, murmuring "Chokit pie!" in Elmyra's voice.] PIKABRAIN: [Darkly] Fine! She'll do very well where she is. [Turning back to his group] All right, everyone, listen up! [The WB Pokémon all gather 'round, as PikaBrain reads from his clipboard.] PIKABRAIN: First, I recommend you all spend some time getting to know your hosts. We undoubtedly have confrontations ahead of us - the more you know about your own Pokémon's fighting capacities, the better. In addition... [PikaBrain glances up from the clipboard and looks – really looks - at his variant 'troops.' He blinks, losing his train of thought.] PIKABRAIN: Excuse me for just a minute. [PikaBrain leaves. The others glance at each other, puzzled.] WAKKLE: Maybe it's a Potty Emergency...? [PikaBrain walks from the set to a blank white space, and sits down.] PIKABRAIN: Let me review this from the beginning. I am a laboratory mouse with megalomanical tendencies, currently situated inside an electrical-generator slash Technicolor rodent... And I'm about to lead ten similarly ensconced animated characters on a mission to prevent Kids WB! from becoming an All-Pokémon lineup... [Loudly] Could this plot possibly be any more ludicrous!!?? [Once again, a corner of the background is peeled away, and Sharklady looks in.] SHARKLADY: Think of it this way, Brain: it's better then getting your mouth washed out for the hundredth time. PIKABRAIN: [Regarding her piercingly] So you bear responsibility for this situation? What are you - a rabid Pokémon fan? SHARKLADY: Hardly! I've only watched the show a few times. I just wanted to try something we haven't done before. [Fidgets guiltily] And, I do find Pikachu rather cute... The point is, don't fret, Brain! We've got some good writers here - things will work out! [Sharklady pulls the corner shut.] PIKABRAIN: [Pondering] Admittedly, things always have before, even the most ridiculous situations... [Standing] Back to work, then! [PikaBrain marches back to the set.] [Cut to Brainatra, stuck with being forced to use the library's Internet terminals for the time being...various persons surround him at other terminals, e-mailing their friends in all-caps and/or downloading pictures of video game characters and/or lewd photos...a large sign stating "30 minute time limit per day, only!" is seen...] BRAINATRA: Great...it was hard enough keeping track of the *WB* characters in this thing, now I have to keep track of who's in what bizarre-named Pokémon character, as well... [Someone taps him on the shoulder. It's Craig, who is somehow in a library halfway across the country from his hometown, with absolutely no explanation…] CRAIG: Yeah, even *I* find his plot inane and contrived and confusing...and *I'VE* gotta edit this thing! BRAINATRA: [Stares at Craig oddly for a moment.] Alright, I guess I'll think of something...now why don't you return back to the real world? CRAIG: [Blinks] Real world? Wuzzat? [Exit, looking confused.] BRAINATRA: Now, lesse… [Begins to type.] [Fade to Kellner and co....] KELLNER: [To the WB villains] Look at the glorious promo I've come up with for my all-Scout series! [We see a screen displaying the ridiculously long title of this new show: The Scout the Doggy, Buttons, Mindy, Katie Kaboom-ie, Elmyra, Waynehead, Hip Hippo-y, One and Only Humor-based Cartoonie Show...] KELLNER: Taking up a suggestion that I throw in unfunny characters to help my quest for discrediting the humor-based shows, I've made this change to the lineup! Scout will still be the star, but these changes *and* Scout will ensure the success of our plan! DR. P: Hey, what about that security phone call you received earlier? KELLNER: Oh, it was nothing...probably another one of Rupert Murdoch's pranks. Why won't that guy leave me alone...? [Cut back to the WB characters, who're talking amongst themselves...] RITAPUFF: OK, so "Blitz" wasn't that great, but neither was "Critical Condition!" I mean, a bad review merits two *acts* worth of stupid revenge gags? SLAPMELEON: What can I say? It beats "Wings Takes Heart"... PIKABRAIN: Quiet! Alright, we're heading over to Kellner's office. The siblings will take him from the east. Slapmeleon, Ritapuff, and Runtduck will go through the north gate. Pinky and I will take the south, and the bunnies will go west. Any questions? [Glances at Pinky, who looks like he's about to speak.] Any *INTELLIGENT* questions? [Pinky clams up.] Very well, then. We're off! I-- OFFSCREEN VOICE: HOLD IT! ALL: Huh? [Coming onscreen--it's the hooded figure.] HOODED FIGURE: Greetings. I have heard your plan of attack. However, there's no need for violence. I have a better idea... PIKABRAIN: I'm listening... HOODED FIGURE: Remember, you are all Pokémon. The lineup becomes all-Pokémon next week. If you guys pretend to be the actual Pokémon, you'll be put on the air, and once you have access to the airwaves, you can restore quality programming to Kids' WB! PIKABRAIN: Hm...interesting...brains over brawn...very well. As clichéd as that plot is, it does have its advantages. We'll do it! HOODED FIGURE: Excellent! PIKABRAIN: But, who are you, mysterious figure? HOODED FIGURE: Oh, you'll find out in time... [The figure leaves] PIKABRAIN: So, does everyone think that starring in this show will be of any benefit? SLAPMELEON: Well, it might beat doing promos for that hack-job Catty Cornered Birdy...um...er... BABSRAN: No, no, I think it's the Cat and Birdy, uh....Brainy...Smurfy...um...er......a little help? PINKY: Ooh, ooh, I know! It's The Cat and Bunny Warneroonie SuperLooney Big Cartoonie You'll Laugh Till Your Face Turns Bluey We Must All be Really Looney 'Cuz Its Name is So Not Puny It's Got Cheese and Pepperoony Cat and Bunny Warneroonie SuperLooney Big Cartoonie Show! NARF! ...um, "that's all we know"? [All stare at Pinky, looking surprised and shocked] PIKABRAIN: [Speaking first; annoyed] Well, then, now that we've gotten the name of that hackneyed clip show, does anyone think that starring in this lineup will serve to our advantage, or do you wish to pursue our original plan? YAKKOTH: Aaaaactually, I'd like to go with the original plan; I kind of miss my old animated body, if you know what I mean... BUGSRAN: Eeehh, I feel de same way, Doc. I mean, dis is a radder humiliating pre-dicalment fer de greatest cartoon character of all time... PIKABRAIN: Very well...the Warners and the rabbits may go to try to retrieve the keys. The rest of us will await your return on the soundstage where they film Pokémon. BUGSRAN: Alright, den. Let's go, Buster! [The three rabbits head off. The Warners run off in a different direction.] [Brief cut to Brainatra, with Craig yelling from off-screen something about wanting to include "an irrelevant scene or three with the Warners doing those 'right behind him' and 'two places at once' bits again for the zillionth time"...Brainatra, annoyed, replies, "*NO*"...cut to the sibs, heading towards Kellner's office...] YAKKOTH: Hmm…betcha we encounter some type of threat that'll delay our entry into Kellner's office, you guys... WAKKLE: What makes you say that? DOTAIRY: The script, Wakko...and I wish we could give some of these meta-humor references and writer-bashing jokes a rest for a little while... [The sibs stop in their path...down the hall from them, they see two of the Monstars, along with Dr. Splicer...] YAKKOTH: [whispering] Hey, guys, what do we do now? Attack these losers with various Animanaics- and Pokémon-based antics, or just sneak past them since they won't recognize us? DOTAIRY: Yakko, I think you *and* the readers know the answer to that one...[All three sibs smile at each other smugly...moments later, we see the Monstars and Splicer running down the hall, screaming, with the sibs yelling after them...] DOTAIRY: Wait! We were gonna go hang out at McDonald's and peel off a zillion of those "Monopoly" game pieces! [Turns to brothers] Well, that was pointless... YAKKOTH: True, but c'mon, Kellner's office lies straight ahead! [Cut to the bunnies...] BABSRAN: So, any idea what you wanna do after all this Kellner-bashing blows over? [Smiles at Buster] Maybe something really...fun? [She winks at Buster] BUSTERRAN: Oh, yeah...I think there's a Knicks game tomorrow! Wanna go? [Babsran looks irate, and is about to lash into Buster, when suddenly, a shadow comes over them...] [END OF PART TWO] |
