|BRAIN OF TWO WORLDS
[We open on a standard shot of ACME Labs, apparently during the evening ... we fade
into the interior, and see Pinky, Brain, and Billie standing in front of what looks like a
modified version of a mouse cage running wheel---said wheel having various wiring, a car
battery, a coat hanger, and control panel hooked up to it. Scattered about are various
blueprints, papers, a pencil, a copy of "A Brief History of Time," some assorted
"Flash" comics (including the classic "Flash of Two Worlds" story),
and several texts, including "The Time-Life Guide to Home Maintenance and Quantum
Physics, Volume 5: Interdimensional Travel and Bathrooms" ... ]
BRAIN: Tonight's plan promises to be most particularly rewarding, Pinky ...
PINKY: Ooh, are we going to pour honey all over our bodies and whistle "Turkey In
the Straw" in front of the president? *ZORT*!
BRAIN: *No*, Pinky! Tonight's plan involves the fascinating exploration of what
traditionally has been rendered solely in the realm of science fiction and those insipid
comic books you enjoy reading...
PINKY: You mean---(gasp) how we can hear stuff can blow up in space if theres no
air? Ive been pondering that one in each weeks "Star Trek" episode,
BRAIN: (Moans) *No*, Pinky, Im referring to---*interdimensional travel*! My plan
is thus: we shall travel to an alternate reality, one where our otherworldly counterparts
have either succeeded in taking over the world, or are still attempting to do so,
"compare notes" with our counterparts, and return to our own reality, with the
information we need to succeed in our goal! And to do so, we shall utilize *this*
invention of mine---(points to the modified running wheel) the "intercosmic diametric
BILLIE: (Walking over) *Ahem* ... you mean, *our* invention, Eggy ... remember, it was
my idea to convert this device to something a bit less hazard-inducing than your initial
proposed prototype (holds up a picture labeled "Original Prototype", which
resembles the transporter from "Stargate").
PINKY: "Stargate"? Ooh, I loved that movie! And I make sure to tape its TV
spinoff "Stargate SG-1-90210-46202-whatever" that airs every Saturday night at
2:30 A.M.! *TROZ*! Hahaha! [Imitates William Shatner] "Captain's Log,
Stargate---" [Brain clasps Pinky's mouth shut]
BRAIN: Wrong science fiction movie, Pinky ... [Brain unclasps Pinky's mouth]
PINKY: Ooh, right ... sorry, Brain, *TROZ*!
[The mice turn towards the intercomsic diametric transposer]
BRAIN: (with violin music playing in the background) The intercosmic diametric
transposer is capable of transporting one beyond the boundaries of time and space
*itself*! By running along the wheel, we shall set up a series of quantum molecular
vibrations that will teleport ourselves into an alternate reality!
PINKY: Naaarf! Just like the Flash and his "cosmic" treadmill! Hahaha! Are we
going to go to the 25th century and meet his worst enemy, the Reverse Flash? *TROZ*!
BRAIN: [Sighs] Try to stay focused, Pinky ... as I was saying, while in this alternate
reality, we shall be wearing *these* ...
[Brain pulls out from behind his back a pair of wristwatches, one of which he gives to
Pinky, who immediately straps it on]
BRAIN: As any thinking person knows, [Pinky looks around, asking "Thinking person?
Where?"] there are a myriad of number of alternate universes, each one with their own
uniquely evolved states! Some may be worlds where the dinosaurs still rule the Earth ...
still others where history might've played out differently, such as Germany winning the
Second World War ... and others---
PINKY: ---where "Another World" is still on the air? *POIT*!
BRAIN: [Heavily sighs] Yes, my melodrama-addicted friend, worlds with those, too.
Anyway, each universe possesses its own unique quantum signature, with access to each of
those realities merely being a matter of "tuning in" on a certain universe's
unique signature; these "watches" are attuned to our *own* universe's unique
quantum signature ... by pressing that small button you see on the side of the watch, a
minute amount of quantum energy shall be unleashed and reverse the teleporting effect of
the transporter, thus sending ourselves back to our own dimension! Now remember, Pinky,
*only* push the automatic return button when I tell you to! Got it?
PINKY: [For once vaguely comprehending Brain's instructions] Um ... push the
button-thingy only when you tell me to ... *POIT*! Got it! [Still staring at the watch,
admiring it] Egad, Brain, *brilliant*! This is just like "Timecop," only without
Belgium kickboxers! *NARF*!
[Brain walks over to the control panel, begins punching a series of buttons, and pulls
a few levers.]
BRAIN: There! The coordinates are set for what I hope will be an agreeable alternate
PINKY: Um ... is Billie going to come with us, too, Brain?
BILLIE: 'Fraid not, Pinky ... I thought I'd stay behind and monitor this thing to make
sure nothing goes wrong...you never know...
PINKY: Oh, yeah ...
[Brain and Pinky both step onto the running wheel]
BRAIN: Prepare yourself, Pinky, for a dimension-spanning journey that will lead to
*total world rule*!
PINKY: Wait, Brain!
BRAIN: What is it, Pinky?
PINKY: In the "Flash" comics, Flash always needed superspeed to operate his
cosmic treadmill-thingy! *POIT*! Won't we need to do the same?
BILLIE: Don't worry, Pinky ... thanks to my work, this thing doesn't need superspeed to
operate it! [Opens up the control panel, showing that one of the hypervelocity suits as
seen in "The Fastest Mice Alive" chainlink story is hooked up to the device]
See? I've modified the device to utilize the residual superspeed energy accumulated in the
suit from our little Mexican adventure as an aid in partially powering this modified
PINKY: [Not understanding a word she said] Naaaaarf ... it sounds kind of *squishy* in
a good way! *POIT*!
BILLIE: [Thinking for a moment] Yeah, I guess it does! [Billie giggles; Brain rolls his
BRAIN: Come on ... let's get going!
PINKY: Righty-o, Brain!
[The mice begin running along the wheel, which soon begins to emit a strange,
warm-looking glow ... as they go faster and faster, the glowing grows stronger ... ]
PINKY: *NAAARF*! I feel all tingly-wingly!
BRAIN: Yes! The tingling means it's working! Keep running!
[Billie reaches behind the transporter, and pulls out a handmade sign reading
"Hail the World Conquering Heroes," which she holds up with one hand. She uses
the other to blow a kiss to the vanishing lab mice, who soon completely disappear from
sight ... ]
[Fade into what looks like the outside of the ACME Labs building, where a strange glow
emits on the main walk to the front entrance; we soon see that the glow forms into the
shape of Pinky and Brain, who, still in a "running" position, continue running
down the path once their bodies fully emerge. Brain quickly skids to a stop; however,
Pinky's braking control isn't as meticulate. Pinky runs smack into Brain, sending the two
mice rolling down the sidewalk a bit, until they come to a stop. Pinky, lying on top of
Brain, emits a feeble laugh.]
BRAIN: Evidently, I'm *not* going to have to hurt you, Pinky ...
[The two mice get up, and dust themselves off ... Pinky, looking up at the lab
building's exterior, emits a gasp ... ]
PINKY: [Pointing to the building's roof] Brain, *look*! The lab's sign!
[Brain looks up at the roof ... we see that the building itself does look like
"our" ACME Labs, complete with the traditional city skyline and bridge behind
it; however, the "ACME Labs" sign on top of it looks circular, with the sign's
writing in cursive ... basically, the same sign as seen on top of ACME Labs in "Brain
BRAIN: *Y-E-E-E-S*! We've arrived! Come, Pinky, let us explore the interior of this
alternate universe's ACME Labs; perhaps there we can find clues as to our counterparts'
whereabouts, and whether they've succeeded in taking over their Earth ...
[The mice walk to the labs, and enter the building via a mailslot in the front ... ]
[Inside, we see that this ACME Labs' interior resembles our "own" lab,
complete with the usual test tubes, wall calendars, etc ... .we also see what looks to be
a very familiar-looking laboratory cage on one table ... ]
PINKY: [Whispering to Brain] Look, Brain, that looks just like our cage!
BRAIN: [Whispering] Yes, Pinky ... [Tone of disappointment] while I had hoped that our
counterparts would have succeeded in conquering their Earth, perhaps they haven't reached
that point yet ... let us continue investigating ...
[The mice climb up to the table the cage is on, and walk over to it ... they see that
the cage's interior is standard looking in appearance, complete with a water bottle and
running wheel ... seated in the interior are a tall, skinny, buck-toothed white-colored
mouse, and a shorter, white-colored mouse, complete with an oversized head ... however,
they appear to be somewhat older looking than "our" lab mice; both mice have a
few wrinkles and slightly greying fur, with the shorter mouse wearing what looks like
reading glasses. The shorter mouse appears to be reading over what looks like a set of
calculus equations, and is holding a pencil, while the taller mouse looks onward ... ]
[Pinky and Brain stare on at this, unsure of what to do next ... ]
BRAIN: [Whispering] Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
PINKY: I think so, Brain, but shouldn't we wait until the newer, faster iMac models
come out in a few weeks?
BRAIN: [Sounding annoyed; whispering] *No*, Pinky ... I mean, the occupants of that
cage! [They peer onward]
PINKY: [Whispering] Brain, those mice ... they look exactly like *us*! Do you think
*they* might know where our counterparts are?
BRAIN: [Whispering harshly] Pinky, I believe those *are* our counterparts! And from the
looks of things, I believe we've answered the question of what stage our counterparts are
at on their world-domination quest ... we must introduce ourselves to them ...
[To Brain's startlement, Pinky walks over to the cage, and knocks on the cage's door;
the two mice in the cage look away from the equations, and at the "visitors"
standing outside. The mice look at each other, with completely shocked expressions on
their faces, before rushing over to the cage door ... ]
TALL MOUSE: (Who talks a lot like Pinky did in "Win Big", vs. his more
refined voice in the latter PatB episodes) Egad ... look, Brain, it's ... *us*! After a
facial and a bit of plastic surgery, that is, *NARF*!
SHORT MOUSE: (Who talks like Brain did in "Win Big") Hush, Pinky, and let me
deal with this ... [To our dimension-hopping heroes] just *who* are the two of you? You
bear much resemblance to ourselves appearancewise ... that is, the way we might have
looked years ago, as my associate Pinky noted ...
BRAIN: We have come across the vastness of space and time, from an alternate Earth in a
parallel universe ... alternate to *yours*, that is ... one which, from what little we've
gleamed of your reality so far, bears at least some, if not many, similarities to your own
world. My associate is *also* named Pinky, and I am named the Brain! We have come to this
world via a dimensional transporter of my own design in order to seek out our otherworldly
counterparts for assistance in my latest attempt at global domination!
THE "OTHER" PINKY: (Bowled over by Brains wordy speech) *Naaarf*....
THE "OTHER" BRAIN [Henceforth referred to as "Brain-2"]: [Pondering
this revelation] Fascinating ... but how do we know this *isn't* a trick of some sort? ...
THE "OTHER" PINKY [Henceforth referred to as "Pinky-2", natch]:
Oooh, I *know*! [to "our" Pinky] Which character on "Saved By the
Bell" is your *favorite*, *POIT*?
PINKY: Why, Screech, of course! He's truly the *smart* one, *NARF*!
PINKY-2: Egad, that's *my* favorite character, as well! You really *are* another
"us", *NARF*! Can we let them in, Brain?
BRAIN-2: [Thinking] Well, I suppose so, Pinky ... I would like to have a further
discussion with my "counterpart" here so I may obtain more information on his
origins ... [The "other" Brain unlocks the door to the cage with his tail, and
opens it; the "other" Pinky motions for "our" mice to come inside ...
[Fade into a scene inside the cage; apparently, some amount of time has passed ... both
Pinkys are seen going through what looks like a photo album. We also see "our"
Brain going through several almanacs and encyclopedias, similar to the opening sequence of
"Meticulous Analysis of History," while his counterpart stands nearby ...
Brain-2 is no longer wearing his reading glasses]
BRAIN: Interesting ... this world bears much similarities to our own, yet with the most
obvious difference so far being the apparent ages of our counterparts ... the same
landmarks, similar histories, same Presidents ...
PINKY: Same "Saved By the Bell"s? *POIT*!
BRAIN: [Rolling his eyes] Yes, Pinky, even similar inane situation comedies ... [Brain
closes the book, and turns to his otherworldly counterpart] ... so, you say that you and
your version of Pinky have been trying to take over the world for years now, and with no
success? [Looks a bit startled] Wait a minute ... *years*? I would've thought that there'd
be no surpassing the usual rodent lifespan of 4 to 5 years! A most unpleasant thought for
myself and future world rule plans ...
BRAIN-2: To answer your question, while our genetically-altered states have apparently
given Pinky and I extended lifespans surpassing those of ordinary mice, the fact that in
the ensuing years we've failed to conquer our world has not been particularly encouraging
... and there's also the fact that Pinky and I definitely aren't as young as we used to be
... if nothing else, my left ear is starting to become a bit, as Pinky puts it,
"floppy-woppy" ... [Brain-2 wiggles his left ear as if to demonstrate] still,
who has time to worry about one's age when the world is in need of my rule? Plus,
theres no guarantee that our results will prove to be the way *youll* age,
even if our two worlds seem quite similar...
BRAIN: [Finger under his chin] Hmm ... perhaps you have a point ... perhaps aging isn't
as bad as I've feared ... I suppose part of my concerns come from a scientific projection
I made once as to what Pinky and I's twilight years may consist of, and the projection was
*definitely* one of a worst-case scenario ... [Brain frowns a bit as he remembers his
virtual reality goggles' prediction of his old age from "This Old Mouse"] ... a
scenario of which, since then, I've rejected as being an absolute prophecy of my own fate
BRAIN: [Turning his attention towards the photo album] Hmm ... judging from your
Pinky's photo album here, you've led a most interesting, and fairly extended, existence in
the meantime ...
BRAIN-2: Yes ... Pinky felt compelled to keep track of our exploits in photographic
form ... apparently, he has some marginal level of skill at photography ...
PINKY: [To Pinky-2] You can take really good pictures? Ooooh, I've never been any good
at that ... they always come out completely dark, *NARF*!
BRAIN: That's because you forget to take the *lens cap* off first, Pinky ...
PINKY: Oh, right, I knew it was *something*, *POIT*!
BRAIN: [Glancing through photo album, reading descriptions of the photos that are typed
on labels under each picture] Hmm ... an attempt to thwart Ronald Reagan's 1980
presidential campaign via stealing his debate notes ... an attempt in 1977 to utilize the
monopoly of the late Bell Telephone System to bring the nation's phone system to its knees
with a now-primitive version of today's voice mail systems ... several versions of my own
inventions, including the Reverse Geotropic Arrestor, Personalitron, and the
Superconductive Magnetic Infindibulator ... hmmm ... your attempts truly do mirror my own,
only with a larger amount of experience lifespan-wise in your favor---[Turns to Pinky,
who's poking Brain on the shoulder] ... yes, Pinky, what is it?
PINKY: Um, the other Pinky here and I want to know if we can go to the carpet store and
try some samples of the carpet ... he says they've gotten some more shipments of those
yummy stain-resistant carpet samples in! [Pinky-2 licks his lips, as Brain-2 merely rolls
his eyes ... ] So, can we please go, Brain ... uh, Brain*s* ... um ... er ... egad, these
alternate reality thingies *are* confusing! *NARF*! Um ... [Glancing quickly at both] so,
which one of you should I ask?
BRAIN: [Sighs] Me, Pinky ... and despite our great similarities, there are some
distinct differences between the two of us ... such as the previously-mentioned greater
photographic skills your counterpart has displayed, as well as their greater age overall
PINKY: [Scratching his head] I'm still kind of confused, Brain ... this place and our
home both look a lot alike! Even the bulletin board here has that same "Dilbert"
cartoon attached to it! *POIT*!
BRAIN: [Sighing] Very well, if it helps your understanding, you may think of this
universe, its assorted aspects and its denizens as a second, fraternal twin sibling Earth
to our own ... an "Earth-2", if you will, compared to our own world as an
"Earth-1" of sorts ... you do remember *that* concept from reading those
"Flash" comics of yours, don't you?
PINKY: Oh, yes I do, Brain! *TROZ*! They explained it so clearly ... but won't we get
in trouble for using their words "Earth-1" and "Earth-2" for these
parallel Earth-thingies, though?
BRAIN: Please, Pinky ... after that "Crisis" series of theirs, and their
constant confusing revamps and backstory rewrites, I somehow doubt they care...
PINKY: [Marginally understanding what Brain said] *Naaarf* ... OK, then, just checking!
[Giggles] ... .but just one more question, Brain ...
PINKY: If we call this place "Earth-2", what if NBC cancels *this* world like
they canceled "Seaquest", *POIT*? Oh, how I miss that really smart dolphin so
BRAIN: [Placing his head in his hands, and moans] Pinky, I am only cruel to be kind ...
[Brain, using his own head, bops Pinky ("*ZORT*!"); Brain subsequently rubs his
forehead in pain ... ]
[Moaning] I suppose I've forgotten *why* I rarely hit Pinky on the head in that fashion
BRAIN-2: Um, yes ... anyway, I believe we should begin setting to work on our plan.
[Turns to his Pinky] Pinky, why don't you go run off and, uh ... eat some of those
Stainmaster carpet samples, or something, with the other Pinky for awhile?
PINKY-2: Um, sure, Brain, *POIT*! [The two Pinkys begin whispering to each other, then
turn to their respective Brains] Um, Brain, I think *we* have a plan ...
BRAIN: *You*?! Ha! [To his counterpart] This ought to be good for a laugh ...
PINKY-2: The other Pinky and I were thinking, as long as there's two of us in same
dimension-Earth-place-thingie, we could go to Washington, D.C., and scare the president by
pretending we're in two places at once!
[Both Pinkys begin laughing in trademark fashion; Brain-2 looks unbewildered by this
statement, and merely rolls his eyes; however, "our" Brain is showing his usual
reaction towards this tiresome gag's mentioning ... ]
BRAIN-2: [Still rolling his eyes] I believe you were mistaken by that "laugh"
comment, my friend ...
BRAIN: [Angrily] Pinky, I thought I told you to never mention that insipid spatial
distortion gimmick in my presence *ever* *again*! [Brain grabs his Pinky's snout and pulls
him down to Brain's face level] Do you *hear* *me*?! [Glances at Brain-2, who's merely
watching Pinky-2's giggling taper off and watching Brain's chewing out of Pinky]
BRAIN: [To Brain-2, somewhat calmed down] Hmmm ... why aren't *you* upset at your Pinky
over the mention of this inane cartoon gimmick? Unless your dimension doesn't have
counterparts to those obnoxious Warner brats ...
BRAIN-2: [Speaking in a calm manner] The Warner brothers and sister do exist here on
our Earth, my transdimensional brethren, and they were the users of that inane spatial
distortion trick; however, they have with the passage of time found other cartoon
trickeries to perform, one factor for that being that they did that "two places"
bit so many times, it stopped being annoying, and everyone quickly became bored with it
... [Glancing at his Pinky, who's still chuckling] ... everyone with a sense of humor more
sophisticated than "Full House"'s, that is. [To Pinky-2] Pinky, cease this
giggling at *once*! To answer your question, our plan will *not* involve that insipid
joke! [Sighs] ... Perhaps you and the other Pinky should just go watch TV until my
doppelganger and I complete our plans for our respective worlds' conquest ...
PINKY-2: Sorry, Brain ... but I hadn't heard that gag mentioned in *years*, *NARF*!
Besides, I was just trying to think of something for us to do before Billie comes back
from the store ... she said she'd buy me some ice cream, *NARF*!
BRAIN: [With hand under his chin in a "pondering" look] There's a Billie in
this universe as well? I wonder if she's as smitten for this Earth's Pinky as our Billie
BRAIN-2: [Answering Brain's query] Well, she's---
[Just then, a brick comes hurtling through one of the lab's closed windows, shattering
glass everywhere. The mice, startled, turn their attention towards the sight. We hear the
sound of screeching tires from the road outside the lab ... ]
BOTH PINKYS: *NAAAARF* ...
BRAIN: What was *that*?!
BRAIN-2: I don't know; we'd best investigate ...
[The mice run over to where the brick is lying on the floor, and notice that a piece of
paper is tied to the brick by a string. Brain-2 unties the string, and reads the paper.]
BRAIN-2: "If you wish to see your lovely Billie again, come to this address at
once ... come alone, or the mouse dies!"
PINKY-2: [Gasps] Egad ... Billie's in trouble! Oh, we've got to save her, Brain!
BRAIN-2: [Concerned sounding] Yes, we must ... [Reading the address on the note] Hmm
... the address is in Washington, D.C. We must hurry there at once! [Turns to
"our" Pinky and Brain] Would you be willing to put our plans for global conquest
on hold for a brief period of time, and provide us assistance in rescuing Billie from
whoever sent this threatening message?
BRAIN: But of course ... between our two intellects and our two Pinky's ... um ...
"unique" talents ... your Billie shall be rescued in no time at all! Come, let
us get to this Earth's Washington, D.C., and rescue her!
PINKY-2: Egad, Brain ... er, Brain*s* ... who would want to kidnap Billie, and why?
BRAIN-2: I don't know ... but the only way we'll find out is to meet whoever sent this
note at this address! Come, we must head for Washington at once!
[Fade to a crowded interior of a cargo plane, with piles of boxes seen; we zoom in on
one box in particular, labeled with "Fragile" and "Federal Excess"
labels. We fade into the box's interior, where we see the four mice sitting on the
Styrofoam insulation; all of them are wearing backpacks. "Our" Brain and Pinky
are still wearing their return-trip wristwatches.]
BRAIN: Why would anyone want to kidnap your Billie? She isn't by any chance some sort
of famous or important figure in this dimension, is she?
PINKY-2: Um, no, she's just an ordinary mouse, just like us, *NARF*! ... Uh, an
ordinary genetically-altered lab mouse who's really, really smart, that is!
BRAIN: Just like our own Billie, then ... hmmm ... [A look of concern crosses his face]
tell me, is there a hamster by the name of Snowball on this Earth, by any chance?
BRAIN-2: [A bit surprised by this query] Why, yes, there is ... but we haven't seen our
Snowball in at least several years ... and I doubt he's to blame for this incident, as
vile as that miscreant hamster may be. I take it there's a Snowball on your Earth, as
BRAIN: Yes, there is; however, our version of that treacherous hamster was accidentally
sent back through the ACME gene splicer some time ago, and, as far as we know, is still an
ordinary hamster stranded on a tropical island ...
BRAIN-2: Our Snowball is still, as far as I know, completely sentient, but hasn't been
seen in some time ... though I feel that another confrontation with him may be inevitable,
I highly doubt that this is how'd he go about "announcing" his return ... no,
given that factor, and the city this address is located in, I suspect that another
Washington, D.C.-associated individual may be responsible for this grievous crime ...
PINKY: Who? Jesse Helms?
BRAIN-2: *No* ... I refer to none other than another foe that we haven't encountered
for some time, as well ... *Wallace Faust*!
[Both Pinkys, and "our" Brain, gasp at this; the ominous "Circle"
music starts up in the background, then comes to an abrupt stop ... ]
PINKY: Um ... *Wallace*?! Don't you mean "Wally"?
PINKY-2: Ooh, no, he hates being called "Wally"! ... and for some reason, he
also hates to be called "Mr. Puss-In-Boots", *POIT*! [Brain-2 glares at Pinky-2]
BRAIN-2: If Billie's kidnapping truly *is* Wallace Faust's doing, I can only assume
that nefarious years-old foe of ours most likely has some type of trap being laid out for
us ... that is, my own Pinky and I. I would highly doubt Faust is even aware of the
existence on this Earth of two versions of us ... hopefully, the items we're carrying in
our backpacks will prove to be somewhat useful!
BRAIN: [Sounding a bit angered] There's a *Circle* on this world, as well? If they're
anything like *our* Circle was and are the ones responsible for this, your Billie is
surely in bigger danger than we've thought!
BRAIN-2: *Was* a Circle ... Billie, Pinky, and I had an encounter with Mr. Faust years
ago where we finally managed to bring down Wallace Faust's entire operation. Until then,
the Circle had been a constant thorn in our side ... we were often harassed by their
primary agent Faust. At one point, we even had to go so far as to leave our lab and hide
in various pet shops to escape his pursuit, before Pinky and I got separated from Billie
and wound up "staying" for a time with the incomparably aggravating Elmyra ...
PINKY: Egad ... you had to live with Elmyra, too? *POIT*! So did we! We were on the run
from the Circle-thingy, too! Brain didn't care much for her fun, fun, silly-willy games,
BRAIN: [Shooting an angered glance at Pinky] Living in that horrific domicile was *not*
"fun, fun, silly-willy"! It was abhorrent, aggravating, and abusive! I suppose
one can only hope that somebody eventually gets that redheaded dunderhead some type of
assistance ... especially since her own parents don't seem too concerned with her constant
animal abuse ...
BRAIN-2: Indeed ... [Suddenly, the box rattles sharply, throwing the four mice inside
it around the box's interior ... the rattling soon comes to a stop.]
BRAIN-2: Hmph ... I take it from that rough manhandling of this package that we've
finally reached our destination ... and we'll finally see who drew us here ... if it *is*
Faust, we'll be ready, courtesy of a device unused by myself for quite some time ... the
catalytic immobilizer! [The "Earth-2" Brain removes his backpack, pulls out a
device that looks like a squirt-pistol] With a few improvements, of course. Thanks to the
collection of Pinky's toy squirt guns ...
PINKY-2: You're quite welcome! *NARF*!
BRAIN-2: ... and our own modifications, our improved immobilizers shall provide us with
a more accurate targeting means, as well as making the freezing formula much easier to
BRAIN: Indeed ... of course, due to the modifications required for these devices and
due to our time constraints, the weapons only possess enough of the formula to freeze
someone in place for 20 minutes, rather than 24 hours! And the guns only carry enough of
the formula for several shots, so we must be extra-careful as to where and when they are
fired ... [Brain looks at Pinky while saying this last line] We wouldn't want a repeat
similar to our failed "World Leaders Summit" scheme at *this* crucial moment ...
BRAIN-2: [To "our" Pinky and Brain, pointing towards the bottom of the
package] I think the two of you should hide under the Styrofoam packing material; if
something should happen to Pinky and I, the two of you can provide backup ... plus,
Id sooner that Faust didnt discover the presence of *two* versions of us...
PINKY: Oooooh, *backup*! Onto Zip disks, or an external hard drive?
[The two Brains and Pinky-2 stare at Pinky ... ]
PINKY: [Blushing] Oh, sorry ... been reading the lab's copies of "MacWorld",
[Brain shakes his head at this, then burrows his way into the box's Styrofoam packing
material, followed by Pinky; their counterparts remain in sight, preparing for whatever or
whoever awaits once the box is open ... from under the packing material, we hear Pinky
make a few giggling noises, followed by the sound of a bop to the head ... ]
[From the box's exterior, we see the box is being carried by some figure through a
darkened hallway; only the figure's shadow is seen. The figure enters a room, also equally
darkened, except for a table in the room's center with a ceiling light hanging overhead.
The figure sets the box on the table, and begins opening it ... ]
[From the box's interior, the "Earth-2" Pinky and Brain look upward with some
amount of trepidation ... with both mice's immobilizers removed from their backpacks, they
set their backpacks to one side, and clasp the immobilizers behind their backs ... ]
BRAIN-2: Prepare yourselves, gentlemen ...
[Soon, the box's lid is opened; the overhead light shines into the box's interior ... a
figure peers into the box, to see what is inside. We see the light reveals Pinky-2 and
Brain-2; Pinky-2 looks horrified, while Brain-2 has a heavier-than-normal scowl on his
face ... we also see who the figure finally is ... ]
BRAIN-2: [With a heavy dose of sarcasm] Hello ... .Wallace.
FIGURE: [In a very familiar voice] Hello ... Brain! [Still partially covered in
shadows, Wallace smiles at this scene with some amount of delight; we hear dramatic music
similar to "The Man From Washington", but no bizarre chanting ... ]
BRAIN-2: [His hands still behind his back] I see that the years since we've last seen
each other *haven't* been kind to you ...
WALLACE: Ah, Brain ... I'd expect such a snide response. As for your query, I've
decided that I'd rather not spend the rest of my existence in the confines of the state
penitentiary ... I have much *bigger* goals in mind than producing license plates, thus, I
decided to give myself an "early release", heh, heh ...
BRAIN-2: [Fingering the trigger on his immobilizer lightly] Goals such as taking over
the world, and forcing me to provide you the assistance to do so?
WALLACE: I see that your advanced intelligence hasn't succumbed over the years either,
Brain, or your sense of judgment---having been foolish enough to mail yourselves straight
to this specific address without knowing who might be located there ... nor has,
apparently, your resistance lessened towards servicing my ultimate goal of taking over the
BRAIN-2: Indeed ... and I doubt that, after our last encounter, this current attempt
will prove to be any *more* successful. [Smirks] In fact, I have a feeling your sinister
plot is about to be ... *frozen* ...
[With that comment, Brain-2 and Pinky-2 whip out their immobilizers, aim it at the
non-startled Wallace, and pull the trigger ... .however, nothing happens. Wallace,
watching Brain's surprised reaction, begins to chuckle ... ]
WALLACE: How foolish of you to think, Brain, that I've learned nothing from my previous
encounters with you. The room you're in has systems designed to automatically neutralize
electrical mechanisms on any and all devices save for the ceiling lights, including that
piece of weaponry you're holding ... some type of freeze gun, I gather? Hmmm ... perhaps
it might prove useful for some aspect of "our" goal, once you're under more ...
"desirable" ... working conditions.
[With that statement, Wallace whips out what looks like a Binaca breath freshener
bottle, aims it at Brain-2 and Pinky-2, and presses the button on the top of it; a fine
gas sprays out from it, enveloping Brain-2 and Pinky-2, who immediately begin coughing ...
BRAIN-2: Should've ... seen this ... coming!
PINKY-2: Must ... stop talking ... like ... William ... Shatner! ... *NARF*!
[The two aged mice collapse; underneath the packaging material, Brain and Pinky lay
still silently, Brain carefully listening to the entire conversation ... ]
BRAIN: [Thinking] This alternate version of Faust is apparently no less
"courteous" than our own version of Faust ... as I would only expect from a
counterpart to Wally, I suppose ...
PINKY: [Whispering] Brain, what'll we do? That "other" Brain and Pinky are in
BRAIN: [Whispering] Don't worry, Pinky ... I'll think of *something* ... [looking a bit
worried] I *hope* ...
[Cut to Wallace standing by the table, grinning evilly. He lifts the knocked-out mice
out of the box, and puts them into a black bag. Wallace then turns on all the lights in
the room, which reveals said room to be windowless and completely empty, save for the
table, a floor-level ventilation duct, and a door. We also get our first good look at
Wallace: he does indeed resemble "our" Wally Faust, only older---Wallace's hair
is more receded/greyer than Wally's, and Wallace's face looks a bit more wrinkled, as
well. We also see that he's wearing clothes similar to what "our" Faust wore in
"Man From Washington", slacks, dress shoes, and a short-sleeved polo shirt.]
WALLACE: I admit it was a bit short-sighted on my part to not have taken the time to
have your package X-rayed for any such trickery, my unconscious friend, but I'm afraid our
new base of operations here is still in the finishing stages of construction. However,
quite shortly, I expect my new "business partners" to aid me in having this
facility fully functional. I'll also soon be in a position to begin implementing a new
plot for global conquest, with *your* assistance ... and after this assistance, I doubt
I'll see any further need to "continue" our "partnership", heh heh ...
[Wallace exits the room, closing the door behind him. Sensing that Wallace has left,
the mice crawl out from underneath the packaging material ... ]
BRAIN: Hmm ... apparently, Wallace's facility is still under a fair amount of
construction, including having yet to finish installing a surveillance system. I presume
that Wallace is so eager to begin his global conquest plans that he isn't patient enough
to take care of this security detail. This may be to our advantage when we try to free our
PINKY: [Concerned] Oh, Brain, how are we going to rescue our koppelgangsters from that
"other" Wally? *TROZ*!
BRAIN: First, I believe we should find our way out of this room, and see where our
foe's taken the "other" Pinky and Brain to ... and that's *doppelgangers*! Now
[The mice climb out of the box, still wearing their backpacks ... Brain and Pinky walk
over to the ventilation duct ... ]
BRAIN: If this Faust's facility is anything like our own Faust's, using the ventilation
ducts may be the best means of navigating his complex ...
[Brain removes from his backpack a eyeglass-kit-sized screwdriver, and begins removing
the screws holding the grid in place ... ]
[Fade to a separate room in the complex, where we see Wallace strapping our
otherworldly Pinky and Brain to a table. The mice turn, and see that strapped with them is
their world's Billie, as well. This Billie looks as similarly aged as the
"other" Pinky and Brain ... her "hair" is more conservatively styled
than "our" Billie's ... it resembles Billie's longer hairstyle from "Brain
PINKY-2: [To Billie-2] Billie! Boy, are we glad to see *you*, *POIT*! I was worried
something terrible might've happened to you!
BILLIE-2: [To Pinky-2] [Excited] Pinky! Eggy! I'm so glad you're here! ... too bad it's
not under more "desirable" circumstances. [Billie glares at Wallace]
BRAIN-2: [To Wallace] What do you plan on doing with us, Faust? I can assume you aren't
planning on killing or maiming us, given your need of us to complete your plan ...
WALLACE: As you've surely gathered by now, Brain, I kidnapped your female friend to
lure you to my facility---I know, "how clearly obvious", you must be thinking.
Anyway, now that I have both you *and* Billie here, I hope to use *both* your intellects
to aid my quest in taking over the world!
BRAIN-2: [Heavily sarcastic] How typical ... I'm sure Billie and I will be *more* than
willing to aid you in your *glorious* quest ...
WALLACE: Ah, but *this* time, my dear Mr. Brain, I won't be needing your *willingness*
to do my bidding ... now that I have *this*!
[Wallace pulls out from his pocket a remote control device, aims it at a wall, and
presses a button; instantly, the wall opens, revealing an unweildly looking ray gun-like
device being aimed in the general direction of the mice. Pressing a few more buttons on
the remote, Wallace manipulates the device so that it targets dead-center on Pinky-2; from
the perspective of the device, we see through a red-tinted viewfinder Pinky-2 gazing at
the device, looking worried ... ]
PINKY-2: *Naaaarf* ... it looks so shiny ... and reeeeeally deadly!
WALLACE: This, my friend, is an experimental molecular disrupter device that was being
tested by your ACME Labs' Cincinnati branch before it was, shall we say,
"liberated" from their grasp for more constructive purposes. [Wallace presses a
few buttons on the device itself] Once we leave this room, Mr. Brain and Ms. Billie, the
device's DNA-tracking sensors will be automatically activated; if anyone enters this room
or if your friend attempts to break his binds, the disrupter will be fired, and your
little friend will have uttered his last "narf" ... that is, provided I haven't
already erased him from the face of the Earth with this remote control device [Wallace
fingers a bright red button on the device, and grins broadly] ... *now* do I have your
cooperation, Mr. Brain and Ms. Billie? [Brain-2 and Billie-2 look at each other, nervously
[Billie-2 glances at the control panel on the disrupter; she sees what looks like a
digital LCD display ... ]
BILLIE-2: [Thinking] Hmm ... it looks like a counter device ... possibly a timer? How
typical of someone like Faust to use such a thing. He's clearly not someone who's ever
seen that "ways not to be an Evil Overlord" list bein' circulated on the
Internet, though I guess there isn't much time to surf the Web while breaking rocks in
prison! I'd better think of a way to save all of us, or else!
BRAIN-2: [Thinking] I can just imagine how that device was "liberated" from
our sister Lab's grasp! [Sighing] Very well, Faust ... I suppose you have us ... for *now*
WALLACE: Yes, indeed, "for now" ... and what happens after that
"now" will depend on your behavior ... [Wallace grins, then reaches under the
table and releases a few bolts; the panels that Billie-2 and Brain-2 are resting on come
loose ... Wallace walks towards the door, carrying the two mice, who're still strapped to
WALLACE: Just a little precaution, Mr. Brain ... I'll let you and your female cohort
loose upon reaching your new work quarters ... .
[Wallace leaves the room, carrying the two mice ... once outside of the room, Wallace
presses a few buttons on the disrupter remote control device; a loud beep is heard. We see
a large, thuggish-looking guard standing near the door, who looks rather bored; we see him
fingering his pistol ... the mice gulp]
WALLACE: There; the molecular disrupter's sensors are now active! Not to worry, you
two; you'll be reunited with your little friend soon enough, if you do everything I say
... if *not*, well ... let's say that if the disrupter doesn't kill him, my good assistant
Damien here will ... [Wallace and Damien smile] It's amazing what type of assistance one
can get these days ... especially thanks to the well-financed backing of my new Circle
[The two captured mice look at each other, with anxious looks on their faces, as
Wallace carries them down a hallway to a separate room ... ]
[Meanwhile, we fade back to "our" Pinky and the Brain, who are making their
way through the facility's ventilation system ... the mice are still wearing their
backpacks ... ]
BRAIN: Come, Pinky ... one of these ducts must lead to wherever Wallace's main control
room lies! I'm confident that's where we'll find what we need for locating our
PINKY: Right, Brain!
[The mice reach a junction in the ducts, and turn left; we cut to an overhead shot of
the mice walking down a duct path, with the mice's forms growing more and more shadowed,
until they come to a stop by a ventilation screen; the room beyond it appears to be
darkened, save for a computer displaying the After Dark "flying toasters"
screensaver ... the shaft and its screen also appears to be located near the room's
ceiling ... ]
BRAIN: [Whispering] This may be the room we're looking for, Pinky; help me get this
screen off, and *quietly*!
PINKY: [Speaking loudly] Righty-o, Brain! [Brain whops him on the head] [Speaking
softly] Uhhh ... righty-o, Brain!
[Brain begins removing the screen's screws, using the same screwdriver seen earlier.
Soon, the screws are all loose, and Pinky and Brain set the screen down against one side
of the shaft. Brain then takes a piece of string out of his backpack, and ties it around
his waist; he also plucks one of his hairs from his fur, ties it to one of the screen's
screws, and drops the screw over the shaft's edge onto the floor; it falls onto the floor
BRAIN: Hmm ... fortunately for us, Wallace apparently didn't install motion detectors
or any type of DNA-based sensors in this particular room ... either a byproduct of his
facility's security devices still being under construction, or that he spends a great deal
of time in this room ... nevertheless, we should hurry. [to Pinky] Begin lowering me to
the floor *slowly*, Pinky ... and make sure not to let go or perform any *more* loud
PINKY: [Whispering] Right, Brain! *TROZ*!
[Pinky begins lowering Brain towards the floor, until Brain's feet touches the floor.
Brain unties himself, then scurries over to the desk in the room, and climbs up to its
top. Brain then walks over to the computer terminal ... ]
BRAIN: [Whispering] No doubt, if this Faust is anything like *ours*, he'd at least have
installed some type of security system into his computers ... [Brain taps a key with his
foot, which removes the "flying toasters" screensaver and shows a DOS promp,
with a sentence reading: "Please Enter Password Sequence"] Hmm ... I was right.
[Brain pulls from his backpack a pair of mechanical hands as seen from "A Pinky and
the Brain Christmas", and begins typing ... ] [Whispering towards Pinky's direction]
Pinky, this may take awhile; I'd like for you to stand guard, and alert me if someone's
PINKY: [Whispering] OK, Brain! *POIT*!
[Brain continues typing on the keyboard ... .]
[Meanwhile, we fade away from this scene and return to the world we know as
"Earth-1", where we see a worried-looking Billie pondering over the intercosmic
diametric transposer's controls ... ]
BILLIE: [Talking to herself] I'm startin' to get worried ... Egghead and Pinky have
been gone for way too long for my comfort! What's taking them so long to return? What if
the coordinates Eggy entered were the *wrong* ones?! Or something happened that's
preventing them from returning? Or---?! [Calms down] Calm down, Billie; I'm sure they're
probably all right. Still, I'd feel *much* better knowing that they're alive, safe and
[Billie reads a display screen on the transporter's control panel ... ]
BILLIE: [Thinking] Hmmm ... the screen's readout claims that transport was successful,
so nothing happened to them *during* transport out of the ordinary, I'd assume ... hmm ...
maybe I should head after the boys and see if I can find out what's wrong? [Billie eyes
the transporter's running wheel] But if the transporter's actually malfunctioning, it
wouldn't be wise to risk using it, and have *nobody* be able to come to our assistance!
Hmmm ... too bad there's nobody else with dimensional transport capacities or skills that
Pinky, Eggy, or I know, who could help me---
[Billie gasps, having suddenly come up with an idea...]
BILLIE: Waitaminute! We *do* know someone with that ability! It'd be *quite* a long
shot, especially assuming he even *remembers* Pinky and Eggy, let alone wants to provide
help, but I'll have to try! Hmm ... I suppose the first matter is contacting him ...
[Billie rushes to Pinky and Brain's cage, and pulls out from it a normal-sized book
labeled "Pinky's Address Book", and drags it over to the lab's telephone ... she
opens the book, and begins reading through the disorganized-looking entries ... ]
BILLIE: Hmm ... this was definitely written by Pinky, all right ... I guess I could
organize this into alphabetical order for Pinky, after all this is done. Let's see ...
Chunk E. Cheezy's ... Cheese of the Month Club ... Baloney Fan Club ... Psychic Friends
Hotline ... Psychic *Buddies* Hotline ... Psychic *Phone Network* Hotline ... Rob Paulsen
... Melissa Lamsen ... Don Corleone ... Phar Fig Newt--- *HUH?!* I thought I ERASED her
entry when Pinky wasn't lookin'!
[A sullen look quickly crosses Billie's face; she almost begins to imitate one of
Brain's numerous slow burns for a brief moment, then her angry appearance quickly fades.
Calmly and silently, Billie picks up a pencil, crosses out Phar Fig Newton's entry, then
tears the entry out of the directory. She tears the paper into multiple pieces, and walks
over to a nearby Bunsen burner. She sets a metal screen on top of the burner, then turns
on the burner's flame, and watches the paper quickly turn to ashes, with a bit of delight
crossing her face as the paper burns. Billie then turns the burner off, takes the paper's
ashes off the screen, and, walking over to her cage, puts the remains inside a mouse-sized
backpack ... ]
BILLIE: I guess this might be overreacting, but still, I think Pinky and I will be
having a little talk about this later ... [Quickly turns back to looking worried] that is,
if I ever see him again! [Billie rushes back over to Pinky's directory, and begins
scanning through it again, until she finds the entry she's looking for.]
BILLIE: Ah, here we go.... at least Pinks remembered to go by last name and put his
entry in the "K" section...
[Billie runs over to the lab's phone, knocks the receiver off, and begins jumping on
the phone's buttons to dial ... ]
[We fade away from this scene, and return to the "Earth-2" dimension, where
we see Brain's still typing away at the computer's keyboard ... he appears to have been at
this for quite some time; from the ventilation shaft, we hear Pinky murmuring and
shuffling around a bit, apparently bored ... ]
BRAIN: [Wiping his brow; whispering] This Faust appears to be quite adept at computer
security measures ... either he knows something about computer security systems *our*
Faust doesn't, or, more likely, he's managed to "acquire" the "help"
of someone who does ... [Continues typing, until several beeps are emitted, with the
screen flashing the words: ACCESS CLEARED: WELCOME, MR. FAUST]
BRAIN: [Sounding elated] Eureka! Success!
[Brain continues typing, even faster this time, as he scans through several files of
information, some which give him an intrigued look on his face, others changing his
expression to one of deep concern ... we see the screen's data reflected off his eyes ...
BRAIN: [Reading screen] "New Circle Partners: R. Murdoch; B. Gates; M. Eisner ...
" It appears that Wallace isn't wasting any time in accumulating such a powerful
arsenal of new, secretive allies ... "Potential backup facility locations ... "
[Brain's face changes to a worried look upon seeing this entry ... ]
BRAIN: [Thinking] The thought never occurred to me..this Earth parallels our own in so
many ways, it's almost like a present-day setting for an alternate future of some sort ...
a world where Faust *hasn't* been permanently disposed of, but to the contrary, has
returned to plague my counterparts *again* later in life! ... what if our *own* Faust does
the same, as well? Given this Faust's persistence and connections being similar to those
of our *own* Faust, I fear that if I don't take over the world soon, Pinky, Billie, and
I's own lives may never be permanently freed of the Circle's shadow! Not to mention the 6
billion fellow inhabitants of the Earth that would anything *but* benefit from that
wretched Faust's rule! [Brain shakes his head] But there's no time to ponder *those*
concerns now; I have more pressing matters to attend to ...
[Brain continues scanning through the various computer files; finally, Brain has found
the file he was searching for: a map of the facility, which Brain studies carefully; the
sounds of Pinky yawning out of boredom can be heard, with Brain issuing an annoyed glance
at his direction ... ]
BRAIN: [Whispering] Hmmm ... according to this map, there's several locations within
this complex where our friends may be located ... and [Pressing a few buttons on the
keyboard] the ventilation ducts lead to each of these most likely locations. Our best bet
would be to try each of these locations, and see if our doppelgangers are located there
... [Glances around the room, then back to the computer screen] ... but first ... [Brain
walks over to a desk caddy sitting near the computer, and removes from it a blank Zip
drive cartridge ... ]
PINKY: [Whispering towards Brain] Psst! Brain! Are you going to use this month's
"MacWorld" tip for preserving valuable computer files by making it a regular
habit to backup? *POIT*!
BRAIN: [Startled again at Pinky's retention of computer trivia] [Whispering] Why, yes,
I am, Pinky, though only to provide our friends of this dimension with whatever useful
data Wallace may have accumulated ... and then, I shall write a computer virus designed to
delete this computer's hard drive contents, as well as the contents of any other computers
within this facility that may be networked to it! [Brian inserts the Zip disk into the
computer's zip drive, presses a few buttons, and starts the computer's backup program ...
Brain watches the progress bar move across the screen, as well as glancing at the door
nervously, anticipating Wallace possibly walking in at any moment ... ]
[Fade away from this room, and into another area within Faust's complex ... we see a
large glass wall splitting a large room with white-colored walls into two halves, with
Faust seated on one side, and Brain-2 and Billie-2 on the other side ... the mice are
surrounded by various pieces of electrical equipment, wires, etc., and blueprints. The
room's only other decorum is a ventilation duct located near the top of one of the walls
WALLACE: [Talking to the mice through the glass window] I apologize for not being able
to place you within the confines of an elaborate forcefield system, dear Mr. Brain and Ms.
Billie, but as you've no doubt gathered by now, I'm still doing a bit of ... "home
maintenance" to this old place.
[Wallace chuckles a bit at that comment; the imprisoned mice look at Faust with looks
of disgust ... ]
BRAIN-2: [To Faust] Do you really think this plan of yours will actually *work*?! I
always thought you were sick before, Faust, but this time, what you're planning here is
truly over the edge ... but then, I'd expect nothing less from *you* ...
WALLACE: Ah, yes, my [Makes fingers into "quote mark" motions]
"sick" plan of utilizing one of your earliest plans, the Superconductive
Magnetic Infindibulator, for my own ends! Whereas you had the modest goal of making the
entire Earth's populace magnetically stuck to their ground due to having, of all things,
loose change in their pockets, *my* plan is one of much greater magnitude! At least this
time, Mr. Brain, there's no need to raise $99,000 to buy an infindibulator ...
[Billie-2 reads over the blueprints, looking at first worried, then her face changing
to an angry appearance ... ]
BILLIE-2: Based on the equations in these blueprints, the infindibulator you want us to
build would create a gravitational force from within the Earth so strong, it would not
only stick the public to the ground, but also crush their bodies to a pulp! The casualty
rates alone would number at least between 700 million and 2.3 billion, by my estimate ...
and I'd rather not think about the people who'd still be left *alive* after this plan's
been executed ...
WALLACE: What's a few billion people's lives compared to conquest of the Earth?
Besides, the several billion left alive will gladly serve under me and my new
"business partners'" rule ... that is, if they don't want to face a fate *worse*
than a bone-crushing gravitational force! [Chuckles] Ah, Brain, if it were not for the
efforts of my "partners'" resources and your own ingenuity, none of this would
be possible! [Wallace smiles; Brain-2 merely gives Wallace a glance of disgust, then turns
his eyes back towards the blueprints.]
BRAIN-2: [Thinking] To think that one of my *own* plans has been perverted into such a
deadly means of global conquest! I must think of a way of thwarting this effort before
it's too late, without letting our sabotage efforts on to Faust ... but *how*?
WALLACE: I'd suggest the two of you get to work ... if you wish to actually earn the
right to rest or eat, that is ... and since I'm certain you're plotting either an escape
or a rescue of your dimwitted friend, don't bother; this glass is designed to withstand
bullets! And, as you may recall, I still have the upper hand in this
"partnership" ... [Wallace holds up the molecular disrupter's remote] Well,
then, let's get to it, shall we? [Wallace grins]
[The two captured mice look at each other, then sigh and begin work on Faust's device
[We fade away from this scene, and return once again to the world self-centeredly
dubbed "Earth-1", where we see Billie talking to some figure ensconced in a
darkened corner of the lab; we see that from the figure's shadowed outline, he appears to
be very well-muscled; an outline of what looks like a cape can be seen ... ]
BILLIE: ... so you see, that's how I was able to track you down, *and* why I need your
help! So, what do you say?
FIGURE: I admit, this is a bit of an ethical dilemma for myself; on the one hand, Brain
*is* out to take over the world for no doubt a sinister and self-serving agenda---
BILLIE: [Interrupting, sounding skeptical] *Please* ... the only "sinister
agenda" in Eggy's mind is stroking his ego as much as possible. Even if Egghead ever
*does* take over the world, he'll have Pinky and I around to put him in check if he gets
out of line ... besides, I'd hope that he'd take over the world through the public's
*willingness* to have him as a leader, *not* through coercion! Plus, he isn't anywhere as
close to being evil as any of your enemies ... even you have to admit *that*! Though I do
kind of wonder *why* you never showed up before about any of Brain's plans ...
FIGURE: Well, I suppose I've been very busy handling bigger threats to the world than
Brain ... and as useful as being in two places at once would be, even *I* can't do that!
Plus, DC Comics has kept me way too busy over the past few years with all those inane
stories they've forced me through ... .
BILLIE: Ugh ... don't remind me ... DC Comics' execs must be first cousins or somethin'
of the execs over at Kids' WB ...
FIGURE: (Flatly) Indeed ...
BILLIE: Still, you haven't answered my question: will you help us?
[The figure steps out of the shadows, and reveals himself to be none other than ...
SUPERMAN (natch!), in his Animated Series design style. A chord of the S:TAS theme plays.]
SUPERMAN: Very well, Miss Billie, you have my assistance! [Pauses] Besides, Pinky *did*
mail me a very nice card last Christmas ...
BILLIE: Oh, thank you! Pinky will be *so* pleased that you're helping! ... and Egghead,
too, I guess ... .
SUPERMAN: So, what do we do now? I obviously can't fit inside your transporter device
to follow the others into whatever dimension it was that they went off to ...
BILLIE: Of course not! I thought we'd go the "long way" ... .you know, flying
around the Earth at a proper speed and trajectory that'll hurl us into a dimensional warp?
It was the main reason I thought of contacting you! I admit in your older adventures
that'd be how you'd have cracked the time barrier, but with a few of my own
[An amused look crosses the Man of Steel's face ... ]
SUPERMAN: Of course, the "long way"! It's been so long since I've done it,
though, especially since DC Comics won't let me do that time-and-dimension-hopping trick
anymore ... [Frowning] then again, they *did* put me through that aggravatingly stupid
storyline a few years back. [Shrugs] Well, why not? [Rolls his eyes] Besides, what they
don't know won't hurt them; I'm sure they're too busy planning my *next* so-called
"storyline" as we speak ...
BILLIE: Yeah ... but anyway, I think we'd better get started! Let me get the
coordinates for the dimension the boys went off to, and we'll soon be on our way!
[As we see Billie scurrying over to get the dimensional coordinates, we fade away from
this scene, and return once more to the non-canceled-NBC-network-scifi-program-associated
dimension we call "Earth-2" ... we fade into the darkened office of Wallace
Faust, where we see that Brain's finally managed to download the last of his desired files
onto the Zip disk ... he removes the disk from the computer, and inserts it into his
backpack ... ]
BRAIN: I trust my otherdimensional associate or the authorities on this Earth will find
the information on this disk to be of some use ... and now, to see where that miscreant is
holding our counterparts! But first ... [Presses a few buttons on the keyboard; the screen
lights up with the message, "Your computer has been infected by the Baloney virus ...
have a yum-yum doodle-dum gosh-a-riffic day!" A progress bar indicates the files are
being deleted at a fairly fast clip. Brain grins a bit at this.] Hmm ... Pinky's suggested
"greeting" will surely leave a negative image embedded on Faust's mind ... now
to get out of here! Ready, Pinky?
PINKY: Ready, Brain! *POIT*!
[Brain walks over to beneath the ventilation duct, as Pinky lowers the rope. Brain ties
it to his waist, and signals for Pinky to begin pulling him up ... soon, we see the mice
scurrying through the ventilation system, with Brain leading the way ... ]
BRAIN: According to the map I saw, this path should lead to a room that was only
labeled "laboratory #1" ... perhaps we'll find something there that will assist
[The mice eventually reach the ventilation shaft opening leading into this room, and
peer through the grating ... they see that "laboratory #1" is the room with
Pinky-2 and the molecular disrupter inside of it ... "our" two lab mice gasp ...
PINKY: Brain! The other Pinky! He's got some kind of weird squirt gun thingamajig aimed
BRAIN: I doubt it's a "squirt gun", Pinky, but rather something *far* more
deadly! I have a hunch that Faust has my counterpart and the "other" Billie
somewhere else in this facility, and is using your counterpart as some type of hostage!
PINKY: *Naaaarf* ... how'd you figure that, Brain?
BRAIN: [Sighs] For some reason, I've noticed in similar, previous "outings"
of ours that somebody *always* seem to end up being kidnapped or held hostage by each
outing's particular nemesis. A most peculiar recurring trait, if I do say so ... now
quickly, Pinky, help me remove this grating! [Pinky does so ... soon, the grating is
removed. Pinky-2, hearing this commotion, manages to twist his head towards the direction
of the duct, and, seeing that it's "our" set of mice, perks up ... ]
BRAIN: [Whispering loudly] *Psst*! Pinky! It's us! The, uh, "other" Pinky and
PINKY-2: *POIT*! It's you guys! I thought I'd never see you again! Uh ... do you have
"my" Brain with you guys? Or Billie?
BRAIN: I'm afraid not ... now, could you possibly tell us what's transpired?
PINKY-2: Um, I'll try, though there *were* an awful lot of big words being used ...
BRAIN: Just explain as best you can ... and we'll take things from there!
[Cut away from this scene, and back to the room with Faust, Brain-2 and Billie-2 ...
they seem to have most of the device completed. Brain-2 and Billie-2 look fairly tired ...
WALLACE: Excellent progress, Mr. Brain ... but then, I wouldn't expect anything less
from you and your companion!
BRAIN-2: Indeed ... [Thinking for a moment] ... hmmm ... .[Brain-2 picks up a piece of
graphite lying nearby, walks over to a blank space on the blueprint, and begins scrawling
a series of calculations ... Billie-2 walks over and observes this; picking up a separate
piece of graphite, she does the same.]
WALLACE: I trust the two of you aren't trying to trick me ... [Walks closer to glass
wall, peering forward] ... but I would like to know what it is that you're writing!
BRAIN-2: [Scribbling] We're just making a few calculations to ensure the optimal
operation of the infindibulator as per your desired plans ... several adjustments will
have to be made to ensure an accurate polarity of the device ...
WALLACE: And how do I know you aren't planning on rigging some type of trap or trickery
to backfire this device on my person?
BRAIN-2: [Still scribbling] Given your holding our cohort hostage, it wouldn't be in
our best interests to endanger Pinky's life, now would it? I value his life too much to
risk it at the hands of someone such as yourself!
WALLACE: I see ... [Thinks for a short while, then] Very well, you may continue ...
however, if I see any signs of trickery, I *will* be forced to utilize my
"ace-in-the-hole" ... [Grins as he fingers the trigger on his molecular
disrupter remote; the two genetically-enhanced mice gulp ... ]
BRAIN-2: [Thinking to self] Of course, that was assuming that he even caught our first
sign of trickery ... namely, *this* one! Apparently, Faust didn't design these modified
infindibulator plans himself, or he'd surely have recognized immediately that these
"calculations" are actually my way of indicating to Billie how to modify this
device to ensure our escape! I hope she's picked up on my hint ... [Continues scribbling]
Hmm ... this does make me curious about whether or not my counterpart ever used similar
tactics against his version of Faust ... or, for that matter, if my counterpart is all
right! Presumably, Faust isn't aware of the existence of those two ... yet, anyway ... .
BILLIE-2: [Thinking] Eggy's plan here seems like a good one ... I hope this works,
or---no, what am I thinking? This *has* to work ... I'll make sure of *that*! [Continues
[While this transpires, we shift our attention away from this Earth, and return across
the multiversal planes of existence to "Earth-1" ... as we fade into the
backside of the lab, we see Billie and Superman preparing to take off for
"Earth-2". Billie is perched in a saddlebag-like pouch hanging off the Man of
Steel's shoulder; she's seen shuffling through several items in the pouch with her, as
well as several papers. Billie's wearing a backpack similar to the one shown earlier, and
also a set of goggles ... ]
BILLIE: If my calculations are correct, attaining this specific near-light-speed
velocity in conjunction with the effects of Earth's gravitational field, your unique
Kryptonian molecular structure, and the specific trajectory I've plotted, should allow us
to attain a transdimensional warp that'll hurl us into the same universe as the one the
boys have wound up in ... [Gulps] I hope!
SUPERMAN: [Glances through Billie's notes] I'm certain this'll work, Billie, assuming
it doesn't merely hurl us a million years into the future instead, or somesuch ...
[Sarcastically] though I'm sure Luthor would be *so* sorry to see me permanently
BILLIE: [Briefly grins] Yeah, I'd bet ... but anyway, I've brought this along, as well!
[she holds up a crudely-constructed device] This should help us home in on the boys'
quantum auto-return wristwatches they should still be wearing, if they're anywhere within
its 10-mile range ... and I've brought along a few ... "other" ... things as
well. [She pats the backpack she's wearing, containing the burned-to-ashes address book
page seen earlier, while glaring at the backpack with a disapproving look ... ]
SUPERMAN: OK, then ... I've got your trajectory course more-or-less memorized ...
BILLIE: Ready! [She puts on her goggles]
SUPERMAN: Then let's go!
[The Man of Steel takes off from the Lab's backyard, and with the
"Superman:TAS" trumpet fanfare playing in the background, he begins heading in a
huge, arcing trajectory towards the horizon ... we see him pick up faster and faster
speed, looking from a distance like a great blur ... the duo quickly surpass the speed of
sound, and eventually, come closer and closer to the required trans-dimensional warp speed
... we see both Kal-El and Billie gritting their teeth, with an oh-so-kewl
streaking-color-effect in the background ... ]
BILLIE: [Thinking] Hang on, Pinky ... I'm coming to the rescue! ... [Billie suddenly
realizes how incredibly fast they're going] ... I hope! Hmm ... apparently, the effect of
traveling at this great a speed with only minimal protection isn't crushing my bones to a
pulp as I feared ... maybe it has to do with Superman's unique physical makeup as well
[Billie's line is cut off, as we see the streaking superhero's figure, now well into
the hyper-velocity range, vanish in a burst of light, similar to the DeLorean's
time-travel effect in "Back to the Future" ... we dissolve from this scene, and
return to Wallace Faust's facility. We see Brain and Pinky, having heard Pinky-2's best
explanation of what's happened to his cohorts, are trying to figure out a way of freeing
him ... ]
BRAIN: So, you say that if anyone tries to free you or enter the confines of this room,
that molecular "disrupter-thingy" will go off automatically?
PINKY-2: Oh, yes! *NARF*! Wallace says it can see if someone enters the room using
their NPR ... uh, their GNP ... uh ...
BRAIN: [Trying to guess] Their DNA?
PINKY-2: That's it! *POIT*! [Worried sounding] But how will you get me out of here if
you can't get to me, uh, Brain?
BRAIN: [Finger under chin, pondering] Hmm ... I think I might have an idea! Pinky, are
you pondering what I'm pondering?
PINKY: I think so, Brain, but wouldn't Jesse Ventura easily place Pat Buchanan in a
half-nelson? [Pinky whirls his fist around in a circle a few times, and falls backwards;
Pinky giggles softly]
BRAIN: No, Pinky, I mean that I have an idea, but I'll need your help! I need you to go
down there, and race around at a fast pace all around the room ...
PINKY: [Getting up] Um, won't that set off the disrupter-thingy and reeeally hurt my
BRAIN: That's "doppelganger" ... and not if what I was just thinking works!
[Ties a rope to Pinky's waist] Now, I'll lower you to the floor ... once there, start
PINKY: [Looking nervous] Um, OK, Brain ... I suppose you know what's best ...
[Brain lowers Pinky to the floor, Pinky looking worried ... as Pinky touches the floor,
the nozzle of the molecular disrupter moves away from Pinky-2, and begins tracking Pinky
... Pinky, looking nervous, begins running around in little circles, yet *isn't* giggling
incessantly for once ... several times, he runs past the table where Pinky-2 is strapped.]
[The disrupter begins tracking Pinky, but stops and targets back towards Pinky-2
briefly, before deciding to track Pinky once again ... it does this motion multiple times,
as Pinky continues racing around ... soon, sparks can be seen flying off the disrupter,
with its LCD pad displaying the rapidly-flashing message "Warning - DNA Tracking
Error" ... the sparks grow heavier and heavier, with smoke beginning to stream from
the disrupter, until finally, the disrupter explodes, shaking the entire room ... this has
the effect of undoing the straps holding Pinky-2 down, sending both him and Pinky flying
towards the ventilation duct ... a piece of the disrupter flies towards there, as well.
The mice hit Brain, sending him sprawling back, while the disrupter piece merely clanks
against a wall of the vent ... ]
[Brain gets up, looking fairly dazed/annoyed]
PINKY: Um, did I do something wrong, Brain?
BRAIN: [Shakes head] No, it went more or less as planned ... except for that bit of
physical abuse. As I suspected, since you and the other Pinky are exactly alike
genetically, the disrupter's DNA tracker wasn't capable of handling *two* duplicate DNA
patterns ... thus, the explosion that just occurred!
PINKY: What do you know, Brain ... that "two places at once" bit *did* help
us after all! HAHAHA! *NARF*!
PINKY-2: Yeah! *Wa-hahahaha*!
[Brain groans at this nonsense, then walks over to the piece of the disrupter lying in
the vent---the LCD display. He reads a label imprinted upon a portion of it ... ]
BRAIN: Hmm ... "produced in ACME Labs - Cincinnati, Ohio division" ... hmph
... apparently, the "ACME" name lives up to its "reputation" on *both*
[Suddenly, the door to the lab bursts open, and Damien rushes inside ... ]
DAMIEN: Where'd that little rodent-guy go? I thought somethin' suspicious was going on
in here ... guess I'd better call the boss! [Damien whips out a cell phone, and begins
BRAIN: We'd best get going and rescue the other Brain and Billie!
[Brain grabs the LCD display lying in the shaft, and puts it into his backpack ... ]
BRAIN: [Thinking] Hmm ... for some reason, I think this LCD display might prove useful
for us ... [Brain and the two Pinkys proceed down the shaft ... ]
[We fade from this scene, and return to the room Brain-2, Billie-2, and Wallace Faust
are in, just moments before the disrupter explosion ... we see the mice have almost
completed assembly of the infindibulator ... Faust grins broadly. Suddenly, the room is
rattled by what sounds like an explosion ... ]
WALLACE: What th--?! [Fingers the disrupter's trigger] It sounded like an explosion! If
that was your doing, Mr. Brain, you can bid a permanent farewell to your lazy-brained
BRAIN-2: [Sounding very worried] That was certainly not my doing, by any means!
BILLIE-2: [Sounding worried as well] Yeah! Does it look as if we had been able to do
that from within here? Remember, you've been watching us this whole time ... and we
haven't even activated any aspect of the infindibulator yet!
WALLACE: [Thinking] Hmmm ... perhaps you're [Suddenly, Faust's cell phone rings; Faust
answers] Yes? ... *WHAT*?! ... *WHERE*?! ... wait where you are--I'll be right there!
[Faust hangs up, and begins walking towards the door] I'll be back shortly, Mr. Brain and
Miss Billie ... [Pauses] by the way, I wouldn't think of plotting an escape ... .even if
you did manage to get past the security device on this door or the reinforced glass
barrier, you'd best not forget about my "upper-hand" in this
"partnership" ... [Holds up the disrupter's remote, and grins; the mice gulp]
See you both soon ... [Sinister laughter]
[Faust walks out of the door, and closes it behind him. We soon hear several beeping
noises, emanating from the security pad next to the room's door ... a loud clanking sound
is heard, apparently the door's lock. The imprisoned mice soon breathe a sigh of relief
BILLIE-2: Thank goodness he's gone ... at least for a little while! Did you have
anything to do with that explosion?
BRAIN-2: No! [Thinking for a short while, then a startled look crosses his face] ...
but I think someone *else* was probably the cause! Hmmm ... [Suddenly looks worried] what
if it was the *disrupter* that was the cause of that explosion?
BILLIE-2: The *disrupter*?! But that'd mean that ... [A grave look crosses her face]
no, it can't be that!
BRAIN-2: But Faust *did* hold up that device's remote control after speaking with that
hired goon of his on the phone ... for all we know, something may have happened to the
disrupter, and Faust was merely trying to bluff us ...
BILLIE-2: Well, bluff or no bluff, I'm not taking any chances around Wallace ... .and
neither should *you*, Egghead!
BRAIN-2: [Sighs] You're right, Billie ... [Pondering something] hmm ... perhaps it was
someone *else* who rigged that explosion?
BILLIE-2: Someone *else*? Who would that be?
BRAIN-2: That'll require a bit of ... explaining. In the meanwhile, let's finish the
"adjustments" to this device as I've inferred to earlier!
BILLIE-2: Right! Let's get to work! [The mice begin working faster than before on the
device ... ]
[Meanwhile, we fade to the two Pinkys and Brain, who're working their way through the
ventilation system's ducts ... they soon reach one corridor with a ventilation grate at
the end ... ]
BRAIN: Come ... perhaps our compatriots are being held in this room ...
[The mice reach the end of the duct, and peer out through the grate ... they see,
behind a large glass wall, Brain-2 and Billie-2 working at a feverish pace, with Faust
still absent ... ]
BRAIN: *YES*! [To Pinky-2] I take that's your version of Billie?
PINKY-2: Oh, yes, Brain! *NARF*! [Whispering from the grate at Brain-2 and Billie-2]
Psst! Billie! Uh, Brain!
[The two imprisoned mice look around, then glance up at the ventilation duct, located
on the other side of the glass wall ... ]
BILLIE-2: Pinky? Is that you?
PINKY-2: Yes indeedy! *POIT*!
BILLIE-2: [Sounding elated] *PINKY*! Oh, I'm so glad you're all right!
BRAIN-2: [To the ventilation grate] Pinky---are our quote-unquote "Earth-1"
counterparts with you, perchance?
PINKY-2: Oh, yes they are! They're the ones who freed me from that laser ray-gun
BILLIE-2: "Earth-1"?! From what you told me about these doppelgangers' world,
Eggy, I'd have figured *we'd* get to be called "Earth-1" ... seein' as,
according to you, we've been around longer than they have!
BRAIN-2: It's merely an arbitrary designation for each of our parallel worlds, Billie
... one my counterpart borrowed from old DC Comics ... besides, is the issue really that
important to you?
BILLIE-2: [Shrugs] Not really, I guess ... I'm just glad to know my Pinky's still
alive, safe and sound! [Looking at the infindibulator] Are we ready to fire this thing up
BRAIN-2: [Twists a few final bolts] Just a little more and ... *there*! Activate the
infindibulator, Billie! [To the shaft] I advise the three of you to stand away from the
vent grate ... just in case! [The Pinkys and Brain do so]
[Billie-2 activates a few switches on the infindibulator ... a strange glowing emanates
around the device, with various electrical discharge rings surrounding it. The device
begins shuddering, then emits a blast of electrical energy in the direction of the glass
wall ... the wall begins to buckle, and quickly shatters, with the shards flying away from
Billie-2 and Brain-2; inside the ventilation shaft, the two Pinkys and Brain, standing at
a distance from the opening, manage to stay sheltered from the flying glass. Their means
of escape achieved, Billie-2 deactivates the device.]
BILLIE-2: A simple yet powerful electromagnetic discharge, using the metallic
ventilation duct as a target anchor for the discharge ... not bad, Eggy!
PINKY-2: [Not understanding a word Billie-2 just said] *Naaaarf* ... .that sounds kind
of squishy in a good way!
BILLIE-2: Yeah ... I guess it kind of does! [She giggles; Brain and Pinky stare at each
other, feeling a strong sense of deja vu ... ]
BRAIN-2: [Rolling his eyes] Indeed, but we'd best get going---in case this commotion
has attracted Faust's attention! [to the shaft] Do you have the means to hoist us up?
BRAIN: Yes, we do! [Thinks for a moment] But what should we do with the infindibulator?
I'd hate to imagine what Faust would plan on doing with the device the way it's currently
BRAIN-2: You don't even know the *half* of its purpose, my friend ...
BILLIE-2: Hmm ... I think *I* might have an idea of how to destroy both this device
*and* Faust's facility at the same time! Unfortunately, I'm gonna need something to use as
a timer to make this idea work!
[Brain removes the LCD display from his backpack ... ]
BRAIN: I think I may have something that might aid you, Billie! [To the Pinkys, while
tying a rope to his waist] Lower me down, quickly ... we don't have a lot of time left!
[As Brain is lowered to the floor, we fade away to the exterior of the
"Earth-2" ACME Labs facility. We see a glowing vortex open up in the sky,
followed by the emergence of the Man of Steel and the "Earth-1" Billie,
traveling at a fast clip ... the Metropolis Marvel veers away from hitting the building's
sign, slows to a normal speed, and lands in front of the lab's entrance ... Billie looks a
bit fazed, while the Man of Tomorrow is, well, unfazed ... ]
BILLIE: [Shaking her head] Whoa ... I *definitely* should've worn some type of
protective gear for that journey ... [Billie gets her first good look at her surroundings,
and sees the alternate-ACME Labs sign on top of the building] Well, at least this place
doesn't look like somethin' outta "Blade Runner" from what I can tell ... come
on---maybe the boys are inside!
[The duo walk over to the lab door. Inside moments later, we see the two are looking
around the lab ... Billie is examining various papers, as well as one of the reference
texts seen earlier ... ]
BILLIE: Well, from what I can tell, this Earth doesn't seem to pose any significant
dangers ... in fact, it seems to be a twin of our own world from what I can tell! Same
rivers, same president ... [Glances over at a nearby TV Guide] Even similar NBC Saturday
morning sitcoms! But one thing's for certain ... I still don't have an idea of where the
boys are! There's no note or anything here ... though there are, as I suspected,
doppelgangers of them that live in this version of ACME Labs, judging from this photograph
... [Glances at a photo hanging on the alternate PatB's cage wall. The picture depicts the
two boys with Billie-2.]
SUPERMAN: I don't detect any sign of *either* version of the guys in the lab, Billie,
or in this version of New York City, either, thanks to my super-senses ... but I *did*
find this while searching one of the rooms at super-speed! [Hands a paper to Billie; it's
the ransom note for her Earth-2 counterpart that Wallace wrote. Billie reads it, then
BILLIE: As Pinky would say, *Naaarf* ... according to this, someone's kidnapped the
version of me that lives on this world, and are holding ... er, "me", hostage!
The note says that my counterpart's in Washington, D.C ... maybe that's where the boys
went! Come on ... let's get goin'! [Billie climbs back into the Man of Steel's saddlebag
SUPERMAN: Right! [Superman exits the lab, and takes off into the sky, heading towards
the direction of Washington, D.C ... we fade back to Faust's facility, where we see Brain
standing next to Billie-2 and Brain-2 ... they've installed the LCD display into the
infindibulator ... ]
BILLIE-2: So, how much time should we give it?
BRAIN-2: Perhaps no more than 15 minutes ... I'd like to be out of this building as
soon as possible, and we don't know how soon Faust will return to this room! Hmm ... the
fact that he's taken this long to come back has me worried ... is he aware that there's
two versions of us in this same building? Or perhaps this room is secretly wired for
BRAIN: I didn't see any monitoring devices in this room when I scanned through the
computer files on this facility ... apparently, Faust has yet to install a full range of
security measures. Still, we'd best hurry, and find a way out of this facility before our
trap goes off!
PINKY: [To Brain] *POIT*---what trap?
BRAIN: We've rigged the infindibulator with a timer device, Pinky ... as soon as the
counter reaches zero, the infindibulator will activate. But instead of creating a magnetic
charge spread out over the entire surface of the Earth, it will instead create a weaker
charge centered exclusively within the radius of this facility! The resulting localized
gravitational force will crush this building, thus destroying everything within! I highly
doubt that Faust will be able to deactivate the device, but if he makes any attempt to do
so, the infindibulator is programmed to automatically activate. [To his counterpart] On a
slightly different note, I've taken the precaution of erasing the hard drive of every
computer in this facility, and saved a Zip disk filled with information about Wallace's
operations. I presume the authorities or yourselves might find this information to be
BRAIN-2: I thank you for that consideration, my friend ... now I believe we'd best get
going, and find a way out of this complex, so we can contact the proper authorities.
BRAIN: I'll lead the way ... while perusing the map of the facility, I've located
several possible exits from this building! Now come! Our time grows short!
BOTH PINKYS: [In unison] *And so are we*! *Wa-hahahaha*!
[Both Brains slap their faces, and groan, while Billie-2 giggles softly at this lame
joke ... ]
BILLIE-2: [Stops giggling] Wait a minute ... we can't leave just yet! What're we gonna
do about Faust?
BRAIN-2: Hmm ... you have a point, there, Billie. Even if we left Faust in this
building and called for the police, he probably has some type of emergency means of escape
... plus, it'd be much more reassuring to know that Faust is back behind bars! We must
somehow find a way of making sure Faust doesn't escape! But how?
[The mice all assume pondering poses, including the two Pinkys (or something resembling
"pondering" for them) ... then Pinky-2 speaks up]
PINKY-2: Oooh! I know! Maybe we could just, uhhhhh ... no, wait---Regis Philbin already
has a game show ...
PINKY: No, wait! We could ... aaaaah ... no, no ... we don't have any bananas ...
BRAIN-2: Well, I'd suggest that we leave this room, before Faust returns to check on
our progress on the infindibulator ...
[The mice scurry to the wall, below the ventilation shaft entrance ... moments later,
the mice are hiding within the shaft itself, listening for any signs of Faust ... ]
BILLIE-2: Any *useful* ideas how to take care of Faust? I'm afraid that old Warners
localized spatial-distortion gag isn't going to work, Pinky ... er, Pinkys ... [She smiles
at both Pinkys ... they grin back] ...
BRAIN: Hmmm ... [Suddenly, an idea occurs to him] But of course! The catalytic
BRAIN-2: [Shakes his head] I highly doubt it, my friend ... Faust had the room we came
into designed to neutralize the firing mechanisms of the weapons, remember? What if he's
installed at least that type of neutralizing control system in the rest of the facility?
BRAIN: No, he doesn't, according to the facility blueprints I've scanned through ...
no, I believe that Wallace's impatience in kidnapping you and Billie before he's finished
fully installing such security means through his entire facility will prove to be his
undoing! [Brain opens his backpack, and removes his immobilizer; Pinky does the same] Now,
all we have to do is fire this at Wallace, and---
PINKY-2: But isn't the infindibu-whatsis supposed to go off in less than 15 minutes? If
he'll be frozen in place for longer than that, won't Faust be crushed by the building when
that device-thingy goes off? *POIT*!
BRAIN-2: [To Pinky-2] I fail to see why you should be concerned for his welfare, Pinky,
especially when that vile miscreant was threatening to *kill* you with that molecular
disrupter! Though I suppose for some level of humanitarianism, we can try sparing him from
being crushed by this building. Perhaps there's a way of luring Faust outside, away from
the main portion of whatever grounds this building rests on ... [To his otherworldly
counterpart] I have an idea, albeit a potentially risky one ... first, we shall need to
borrow *these* ... [Brain-2 takes the immobilizer from Brain's hands, and motions for
Pinky-2 to do the same] Now, we'll ...
[Fade to a few moments later ... a brief cut to the infindibulator reveals
approximately 5 minutes remain on the counter ... Faust returns the room where the
infindibulator's located ... ]
WALLACE: I can't for the life of me figure out *how* that dimwitted friend of yours
escaped, Brain, but when Damien *does* find him, he'll--[Does a slight double take at the
destroyed glass wall *and* the infindibulator] What th---?!? [Looks very irate] I knew I
shouldn't have been so impetuous on seeing to the cause of that explosion! No doubt, Mr.
Brain was lying about not trying to escape! [Walks over to the infindibulator, and sees
the counter] Hmm ... I gather Brain's decided to ensure that either the infindibulator
will be of no use by myself, or ... it's rigged to explode! Well, I'm sure that Mr. Brain
couldn't have gotten *too* far ... in any case, when I do find him, I shall have to resort
to "cruder" means of dealing with him, *and* his two rodent cohorts!
[Wallace pulls from his pocket what looks like a credit card-sized device, and exit the
room ... however, he doesn't get far before he sees what looks like Brain standing at the
end of the hall ... *our* Brain, to be specific.]
WALLACE: Aha! So, you think you could escape my presence, Mr. Brain? I don't know how
you freed your imbecile friend, but I regret having let you out of my sight for even a
moment! [Pulls out the credit card-sized device, and aims it at Brain] While I hoped it
didn't have to come to this, I suppose you *will* have to be taught some type of ...
[Before Faust can press the device's button, however, Brain scurries off down the
adjoining corridor; Faust decides to follow in pursuit. Brain runs down the hall, and
turns a corner, where we see standing in wait his counterpart, holding a catalytic
immobilizer behind his back. Brain scurries to a shadowed corner, and lies perfectly
still. Faust, rounding the corner, sees Brain-2; Brain-2 begins running towards what looks
to be an exit ... ]
BRAIN-2: [Thinking] I hope this works ...
WALLACE: Trying to make an escape, Brain? Not likely ... besides, you'd never be able
to access the security panel from your height to open the door! [Aims his device towards
the running Brain-2] Not that you'd even get the chance to *try* accessing it ...
BRAIN-2: [Thinking] Drat! He's right! I suppose this means I'll have no choice but to
freeze him in place right here!
[Brain-2 stops running, and spins around to face Faust. He fires his immobilizer, but
at the same time Faust fires his device at Brain-2; when the immobilizer smoke clears, we
see that Brain-2 is trapped inside what looks like some type of forcefield-like dome, with
the immobilizer's freezing formula giving it a bluish tint. Brain-2 seems to be shivering,
apparently only suffering part of the formula's full freezing effect ... ]
WALLACE: Ah, Mr. Brain, that *was* a lovely attempt at trying to lure me into a trap,
even if it *was* ultimately futile! [Wallace holds up his device] This little wonder was
"borrowed" from a government research facility for new military weapons ... it's
a portable containment forcefield, as you obviously see. It also comes with a nice little
feature ... [Faust presses a button on the device a few times, causing Brain-2 to gasp
heavily for air] ... it allows one to regiment the amount of air inside the field,
allowing for both imprisonment *and* serving as a quite effective "negotiation"
tactic ... and apparently, that little "freeze spray" you attempted to fire at
me merely gave you quite a chill ...
[Wallace walks closer to Brain-2's imprisoned form, as the "Circle" music
begins playing in the background, sans chanting]
WALLACE: [Sounding more sinister] I regret having to do this, Mr. Brain, but your
resistance has left me with little choice. Even though it seems that you've managed to
sabotage the infindibulator, once Damien or I track down your superintelligent female
cohort, I'm certain my global domination plans shall continue. [Grinning sinisterly, as
Brain-2 continues to gasp for air] Besides, it should be interesting to see which cause
you die of first, Mr. Brain ... hypothermia *or* asphyxiation ... perhaps even *both* ...
[Faust chuckles sinisterly, as Brain-2 appears to be on the verge of passing out ... ]
WALLACE: Goodbye, Mr. Brain ...
[Suddenly, a blue-colored spray emanates from behind Faust; Faust turns around, but
apparently too late to evade it ... the spray *very* quickly envelopes Faust, and when it
clears, Faust is frozen in place. The remote device is also frozen with Faust. Pan over to
reveal that the weapon's firer is none other than Pinky ... ]
PINKY: [Glancing at Brain-2's imprisoned state] *NARF*! Oh, no---the other Brain! Don't
worry ... I'll get you out!
WALLACE: [Thinking] The "other" Brain? What on Earth could that numbskull be
talking about? [Still able to move his eyes, Wallace peers down at Pinky attempting to
wrestle the forcefield device out of his frozen hand] Hmm ... for that matter, he looks
rather ... different ... from when I tied him up mere hours ago! For some reason, Mr.
Pinky looks ... *younger*?!
[Pinky, having gotten the device out of Wallace's hand, smashes down on a button
labeled "Deactivate" as hard as he can, crushing through the frozen layer of ice
surrounding the remote's buttons ... the forcefield surrounding Brain-2 disappears,
causing Brain-2 to fall to his knees, gasping for air and shivering ... Pinky rushes over
to help Brain-2 get up ... ]
PINKY: Um, Brain? Are you OK? *POIT*!
BRAIN-2: I'm fine, Pinky ... [Coughs] ... [Glances upwards at his tormentor] And it
appears to me you did a fine job of incapacitating Mr. Faust once and for all! *YES*!
PINKY: [Blushes] Aw, thanks! ... Y'know, this is just like the last time "my"
Brain and I fought "our" Faust, only without falling ceiling lamps! *NARF*!
[From a nearby ventilation duct grate, two figures emerge ... namely, Billie-2 and
BILLIE-2: Eggy? Is that you? We've called for the police and they're on their---whoa!
[Stares up at Faust] Looks like the three of you've taken care of Faust already ... except
it isn't outside of the facility as we planned! [Glances at Brain-2, who's still
shivering] Eggy? Are you OK?
BRAIN-2: [Sounding a bit better] Yes ... I'll be fine! [Coughs]
[Pinky-2 rushes over to Brain-2]
PINKY-2: Brain! You're OK! Oh, I'm so glad you're all right! [Hugs Brain-2 around his
fairly aged, oversized head; Brain-2 allows Pinky-2 to express his relief for a short
while, then gently pushes Pinky-2 away]
BRAIN-2: Yes, Pinky, I'm fine ... [Glances at Faust] And I'm sure the authorities will
be here before Faust dethaws ... [Quickly realizing something] Provided that the
authorities get here *before* the infindiublator's timer goes off!
BRAIN: [Walks out from the shadowed hallway] Indeed ... we must escape quickly!
[Faust's eyes widen at the sight of two Brains in addition to the two Pinkys ... ]
FAUST: [Thinking] *Two* of them?! But--how?! Surely those two can't be twins ... the
ACME Labs files I've "acquired" never indicated those two had any
genetically-enhanced relatives! What's going on here?!?
PINKY: Um, how much time *do* we have left? POIT!
[As if in answer, the building suddenly begins trembling, as if caught in a violent
earthquake; pieces of the ceiling begin to crumble ... a large piece of the ceiling falls
in front of the exit, with another piece on top of the ventilation shaft opening ... ]
BILLIE-2: Oh, great ... I guess this is it! There's no way we can get outta here in
time! [Thinks for a moment, then rushes over to Pinky-2; she wraps her arms around his
waist] Guess this is goodbye, Pinky! [Billie-2 gives Pinky-2 a kiss, similar to the kiss
seen in "Brain Noir" ... ]
PINKY-2: [After the kiss, looking out of breath] *Naaaarf* ...
BILLIE-2: [Looking at "our" Pinky, and shrugs] Eh, why not? [Pecks Pinky on
the cheek; Pinky blushes] Nice knowing you all...
[They all cling together; suddenly, a large portion of the ceiling comes apart. This is
followed by the trumpet-fanfare-laden entrance of ... ]
BRAIN: [Surprised] *SUPERMAN*?!? What ... how---
BILLIE: [In saddle bag] Don't forget *me*, Eggy! [Glances at the caving-in ceiling]
Whoa! Guess I'd better save the questions until later! We've gotta get all of you outta
SUPERMAN: Agreed! It looks like we've got here just in time! Come on, everybody, climb
aboard! [The mice climb into the saddle bag; Superman, grabbing the frozen Faust, flies
out of the hole in the ceiling, and lands the group at a safe distance from the caving-in
facility ... looking onward, the group sees that the fair-sized building's walls are
buckling, as well as the ground surrounding the facility. A sign on a brick wall
surrounding the facility reads "Toxic Waste Processing---NO TRESPASSING". What
looks like an electromagnetic pulse is surrounding the walls of the building, presumably
emanating from the infindibulator ... ]
BRAIN-2: [Reading the sign] Hmmph ... "toxic waste" ... what an appropriate
cover alias for Wallace Faust!
BILLIE: [Confused] *Wallace* Faust? Don't you mean *Wally*? [The other mice stare at
her] Never mind ...
BRAIN: I'll explain all this later, Billie ...
PINKY-2: [Suddenly remembering something] *POIT*! Wait, Superman---we left Faust's
guard Damien inside! We can't let him get crushed!
BRAIN-2: I suppose Pinky's right ... [To Superman] Is it possible for you to---
[Superman takes off at superspeed for the facility ... a moment later, he returns with
the rattled-looking agent of Faust's]
PINKY-2: Oh, *Brain*, this is *Superman*--- anything's possible with him! I mean, he's
super...uh...man! HAHAHA! NARF! [Brain-2 rolls his eyes]
DAMIEN: [Dazed] Wha ... what's happening?
BILLIE: [Shrugs] You've got me, buddy!
PINKY: [Pointing at the facility] *POIT*! Look!
[All look onwards, as the walls finally completely cave in, as does the ceiling; a huge
cloud of smoke billows outward ... when it finally clears, there's little left standing of
the former complex but rubble and a large, gaping hole ... the mice all cheer.]
SUPERMAN: [To Faust] From what I can gather, I assume your scheme was justifiably
ruined, Mr. Faust! [The Man of Steel holds something up ... namely, Faust's infindibulator
plans] From the looks of these blueprints, it looks as if someone was planning on reducing
this entire Earth's populace to a crushed pulp! [Supes frowns at Faust]
BRAIN: Indeed ... and from the files I've gleamed through on Faust's computers, he had
several plans even *more* hideous in mind should this one fail!
BRAIN-2: I suppose a full explanation of all this is in order, Superman, but first,
would you mind ... ? [Glances at Faust]
SUPERMAN: But of course ... [Superman's eyes begin glowing a fiery red, as his heat
vision activates, slowly de-frosting Wallace. Eventually, Faust is fully thawed, and
collapses to his knees, breathing a sigh of relief ... ]
SUPERMAN: [Sounding quite stern] I wouldn't rest easy just yet, *Faust* ... [to the
mice, courteously speaking] Would you care to point me towards the nearest prison?
BOTH BRAINS: [In unison] Gladly!
[A short time later, the Man of Steel (with passengers in tow) is streaking towards a
nearby prison facility ... a few moments later, Faust and Damien, escorted by several
prison guards and Superman, enter the prison cell that Faust had originally escaped from
SUPERMAN: Why don't you just stay here, Faust, and save *all* of us a lot of trouble?
BRAIN-2: I second that opinion!
BRAIN: As do I!
BILLIE-2: I third it!
PINKY-2: I, uh ... seventh it? *POIT*! [Billie-2 grins at him, while Pinky-2 merely
SUPERMAN: Besides, you'll at least have *company* from now on ... [Nodding towards
Damien; Faust merely scowls]
[Pan over to the prison guards]
GUARD #1: [To fellow guards] I dunno what's odder ... that Superman's here with a bunch
of short, furry-looking people, or that he's carrying around a purse!
SUPERMAN: [Off-screen voice] Just escorting a few ... friends that were being
threatened by Faust, officer! [Pauses] ... and this *isn't* a purse!
BRAIN: [Ignoring all this] I think we should be heading back to what's left of Faust's
facility, to meet with the police!
BILLIE-2: Yeah, you're right ... come on, let's go!
WALLACE: [From his cell, as the "Man From Washington" Circle music plays,
still sans chanting] You haven't heard the last of *me*! I may have been thwarted this
time, but the Circle *will* be rebuilt, stronger than ever! I'll have my revenge on *all*
of you rodents, no matter what reality you've emigrated from! This, Wallace Faust swears!
[Wallace breaks out into maniacal laughter, as the music reaches a crescendo; all the
mice gulp. The guards merely scratch their heads and look dumbfounded by all this;
Superman rolls his eyes, as if he's heard villains give this speech multiple times before
[Fade to the rubble of Faust's facility ... the mice and the Man of Steel are standing
in front of the former building's grounds, with various police cars surrounding the
complex. Superman finishes talking to one of the officers, then walks over to where the
mice are standing...]
SUPERMAN: I've been talking with the police ... they plan on examining this facility
thoroughly for any more incriminating evidence against Faust ... though I think with or
without more evidence, Faust won't see the outside of a prison wall for *quite* a long
BRAIN: [Removing the Zip disk from his backpack] Perhaps this Zip disk filled with
various information about Faust's facilities will assist in ensuring a lengthier prison
sentence ... and I believe the police will also want to make a few inquiries into his
"partners" on this juncture as well! [Muttering to himself] ... though I imagine
the Bill Gates of this world, if he's like our own, already *has* enough legal problems to
worry about ...
SUPERMAN: [Taking the disk from Brain] I'm sure Ms. Lamsen will find appreciate this
BRAIN: Ms. *Lamsen*?
BRAIN-2: She's here? We haven't seen her since ...
[A figure walks over to the group ... a middle-aged woman who bears more than a passing
resemblance to an older version of Melissa Lamsen (from "Circle Closing In").]
PINKY-2: Why, hello, Melissa! *NARF*! It's so nice to see you again!
MELISSA: [Smiling] Nice to see you again, too, Pinky ... .Superman already told me
about your little adventure ... [Raising an eyebrow] Including why he looks young enough
to get carded at the movies, as well as the duplicate lab mice! [To Superman] No offense,
but we're more used to seeing the Man of Steel with a more, well, "aged" look to
SUPERMAN: [Scratching his head] Aged?
BRAIN-2: Yes...well, you see, on *our* Earth, Superman's not exactly on the younger
side... [Melissa whips out a rolled-up copy of "Newsbleak", and holds the cover
up; the cover shows an elderly-ish version of Superman, with greying hair at the temples,
and a less-stylized "S" insignia. The main headline reads: "Superman: Over
the Super-Hill? Crimefighting In One's Twilight Years"]
SUPERMAN: [A bit taken aback by this] Uh, yes, I *see* now ... [holds up the Zip disk]
anyway, I hope the information on this disk helps! [He hands Mel the disk]
MELISSA: I hope so as well ... plus on another note, I think the boys at the Pentagon
will be quite pleased with getting their experimental forcefield device back, if we can
find it in all this---
[Superman zips off at super-speed ... a split-second later, he returns, with the
credit-card-sized device in hand]
MELISSA: [Astonished] ... rubble. [Takes the device] Thank you very much!
SUPERMAN: [Smiling] You're welcome, Ms. Lamsen ...
BILLIE: Out of curiosity, what do you do for a living, Mel? On our Earth, our version
of Melissa was hoping to gain employment with some secret agency, last time we checked ...
MELISSA: [Smiling proudly] I'm the head and sole employee of my own private
investigation service! My reason for being here is that, once I heard that Faust had
escaped from jail, I felt strongly compelled to do something about it, shall we say,
especially after our previous encounter with Faust ...
BRAIN-2: But how did you hear that Faust had escaped? Until Billie was kidnapped, we
hadn't even been aware that Faust was at large! And, for that matter, I thought last I
heard, you were working for the government ...
MELISSA: Apparently, the government wanted to keep the news of Faust's escape a bit
hush-hush; they still don't want to draw much attention to the fact that there was a
secret government organization plotting to take over the world! But I have my ways of
finding such information out, thanks to a few regular contacts ... and to answer your last
question, I *did* work for the government as an agent for awhile after our last encounter
with Faust, but decided to quit and go into the private investigation business for myself
... I suppose at the time, I figured working for myself would beat working for Uncle Sam.
But nowadays, I've given some thought about going back ... [Smiles] and after completing
this case, they'll probably make me a head director!
BILLIE-2: Well, I wish you the best of luck!
MELISSA: Thanks! Now, I think I'll be on my way ... it was nice seeing all of you
again! [Glances at "our" set of lab mice] Including the "extras" ...
[Melissa exits ... ]
BRAIN: Hmmm ... I'm curious: have the three of you ever had contact with your Earth's
Man of Tomorrow?
PINKY-2: Oh, yes! We met him this one time when we tried joining the Justice Society!
*NARF*! ... too bad things didn't work out very well ...
BRAIN-2: *Indeed* ... I'll stave off discussing the details of that failed juncture ...
but suffice it to say that the odds of our *ever* joining with said superhero team are
*exceedingly* slim ... [Muttering] And to think if Green Lantern's power ring *hadn't* run
out of its 24-hour charge at the unfortunate time it did, our plan surely would have
succeeded! ... that, and that dunderheaded Johnny Thunder's idiocy ...
PINKY-2: I dunno, Brain ... I rather liked hanging around with Johnny! Hahaha! *POIT*!
BRAIN-2: [Flatly] You *would* ...
BILLIE-2: Well, at least that outing gave you somethin' to do after
"Animaniacs" got canceled!
BRAIN: [Sounding intrigued] "Animaniacs" existed in this world as well? Might
I query as to what brought about *its* demise?
PB&tB-2: [In unison] *HE-BOO*!
BRAIN: "He-Boo"?! I don't believe I'm acquainted with that program ...
PINKY-2: Oh, but I am! NARF! It's my favorite 80's-era merchandising-driven program!
They rerun it on that one channel they aired that really great weekday afternoon
"Sonic the Hedgehog" series on! Though I did think that He-Boo looked rather
poultry-like ... [Saddened] and it *did* wind up getting us booted off the air, *POIT* ...
BRAIN-2: [Explaining] During the early 80's, Mr. Plotz and the other head honchos at
the time at Warner Brothers decided that our program, "Animaniacs", wasn't
pulling in enough of a desired viewership for their myopic, short-term-sighted
profit-making purposes ... after analyzing other successful shows of the time, they
decided to create a show that *would* make them more money ... hence, He-Boo was born!
[Flashback to this program ... we see what looks like a giant chicken-like figure with
a blond wig and "Conan"-like clothing wielding a sword ... he holds it into the
air and clucks a bit, mimicking the words "I have the power!". The sword is
promptly struck by lightning, leaving He-Boo looking a bit charred and
roasted-chicken-like ... the flashback ends ... ]
BRAIN-2: [Shuddering at the memory] Anyway, the new show quickly caught on in
popularity, leading the network heads to decide to finally pull the plug on our program in
1983 ... since then, there've been no new "Animaniacs" episodes. Our former show
currently resides in reruns on the Cartoon Network ... and, with the current programming
plans of Warner Brothers, there's no indication of that will change anytime soon,
especially with the success of that insipid "Pokemon" show! That, and their
plans on producing "He-Boo: The Next Generation" ...
[Both sets of lab mice (and Superman) look a bit depressed upon listening to this ... ]
BRAIN: [Finger under his chin] Hmm ... if we were to create some means for you to get
back on television with new appearances, say ... a reunion special, perhaps it would give
you the means to utilize the nostalgic, ratings-grabbing pull of such a special and use
the following mass of viewers as a way to take over the world!
BRAIN-2: [Thinking] Hmmm ... [Perks up] *YES*! A reunion special! Of course ... why
didn't I think of this before? If we can find a means to appease those addle-minded
executives, perhaps a reunion special will ensure a swift means to global conquest!
PINKY-2: Oh, goody! Plus, we can get the old gang back on TV! *POIT*!
PINKY: [To Brain] But Brain, didn't we do something like that once? When your
hypno-beam-thingy failed because nobody watched our show? POIT!
BRAIN: Well, *yes* ... but with the 15-plus-year time gap between their version of
"Animaniacs" having been canceled and the present, I'd imagine the massive
nostalgic pull that would've built up in that meantime would surely draw in a huge
viewership! Especially if those dimbulb executives provide ample promotional effort ...
BRAIN-2: *YES*! Always!
PINKY-2: [To Brain-2] Gee, I guess you've gotten a plan from the "other"
Brain, er ... Brain, just like you wanted, *POIT*!
BRAIN-2: Indeed, Pinky ... now then, as to how we can assist our doppelgangers with
their own plan for global conquest ... hmmm ...
BRAIN: That's quite all right ... I believe after this experience, I shall retire the
use of the intercosmic diametric transposer for the time being, and try devising another
means of global conquest that doesn't involve breaching the fabric of our space-time
continuum ...thus, perhaps we should get going---I *do* have a world of my own to set
PINKY: And I have recycled footage to watch of me dancing in place and laughing on the
"Cat and Bunny Warneroonie Super Looney Big Cartoonie Show"! *Wa-hahahahaha*!
[Brain whaps Pinky on the head] *OW*! *POIT*!
BILLIE: [Annoyed] Hey, Eggy, we've gotta talk about your whappin' my Pinky on the head
like that ... besides, I wouldn't mind watchin' some recycled stock footage with him ...
[She rubs Pinky's head, while Brain rolls his eyes ... ]
BRAIN: [Flatly] You *wouldn't* ... [Shakes his head] what a waste of airspace that show
is! And that grossly out-of-scale, recycled footage of my being run over ad nauseum by a
pinball and looking dazed in the "new and improved" title scene on that
"Cat and Bunny ... Bill Bradley ... Super Glue-y ... Big Cartoonie ... Whatever"
version of that fetid program certainly doesn't raise my opinion any of that
Kellner-inspired mess! Besides, you have all the original episodes on videotape that that
glorified clip show rebroadcasts in its sliced-and-diced manner, so why do you watch it?
PINKY: Um ... because I like seeing recycled stock footage of myself saying nonsensical
theme song lyrics in that fun-fun, silly-willy title scene? *POIT*! They even colored my
face blue somehow! *Hahaha*! Besides, it's the only place that's rerunning our old
episodes, *TROZ* ... [Pinky looks saddened]
BRAIN: [Sounding a bit depressed] *Yes*, my friend ... at least for *now* ... though
that may change in the future, for all we know!
PINKY-2: [Trying to lighten the mood] Umm . . . can we go somewhere and celebrate for a
little while? I mean, we did defeat Faust and all, and we've hardly even gotten the chance
to know each other! *NARF*!
BRAIN: Well ... I don't see why we can't, I suppose. There is after all *some*
satisfaction in handing *any* version of Faust a sound defeat!
BRAIN-2: Agreed ... so, what do you want to do to celebrate, Pinky?
PINKY-2: Hmmm ...
[Fade from this scene, and to a New York City McDonald's ... we see both Pinkys
intermittently giggling for no apparent reason, while the others munch on said
restaurant's "fine" cuisine. We also see that Superman's changed into his Clark
Kent identity, with the standard blue suit and red necktie ... ]
BRAIN: [Between bites of a garden salad] I must ask you, Mr. Kent ... why is it you
haven't shown up regarding any of my previous plans before? My doppelganger mentioned to
me his meeting with this world's Metropolis Marvel, but ...
CLARK KENT: [Eating a "super-sized" value meal] Well, to be blunt, I suppose
the fact that either someone or something manages to thwart your own already largely
ill-conceived plans *and* my constant battles against more important, deadly foes like
Luthor and Brainiac ...
BRAIN: "Brainiac" ... ?
CLARK KENT: You know, an evil android entity bent on taking over the world? With an
unusual looking ... head ... and ... [Trails off, as Brain glares at him] ... *ahem* ...
well, uh, never *mind* ...
BRAIN: [Annoyed] I resent such a close variation of my name applied to an evil robot!
It's bad enough having that dog from "Inspector Gadget" sporting it, but at
least he can lay claim to having it *first* ...
PINKY: Oooh, I love that show! And for some reason, the police chief on it sounds an
awful lot like *you*, Brain! *NARF*!
BRAIN: [Flatly] *Indeed* ...
BILLIE: [Munching a french fry] Aw, don't get riled up, Eggy ... "Brainiac"'s
just an old nickname for someone who's an egoistical know-it-all! [Pauses, then giggles]
BRAIN-2: "Brainiac"? I can't recall our version of the Man of Steel ever
having had such a nemesis ... though I've already expressed my dislike on one occasion
about a short, bald old Justice Society villain with telekinetic mental powers being named
"the Brain Wave" ...
BRAIN: I can't say I blame you, my friend ... [Both Brains look fairly annoyed]
BILLIE: Gee, no Brainiac here, huh? Maybe there *is* somethin' to that "subtle
differences" thing the old comics kept beatin' into the ground about parallel worlds,
BRAIN: Indeed, as much as these constant comic book references are getting to be an
annoyance; haven't any of you read Issac Asimov? Or Stephen Hawkings? They had as much to
say about this subject as those funny-book writers did, and with a far greater
scientifically minded view!
CLARK KENT: Actually, I've read Hawkings once ...
BILLIE: Me, too ...
PINKY: Umm ... I saw Hawkings on that "Simpsons" episode once!
*Wa-haha---[Pinky suddenly stops laughing] Wait a minute ... why am I laughing? That was a
*lame* episode! *POIT*!
BRAIN: Given the unfortunate slide quality-wise of the "Simpsons" these past
few seasons, I'm not surprised, Pinky ... [To his counterpart] It's so strange, how in all
these types of outings that we've had, we always manage to wind up at a fast food eatery
for some reason or another ... particularly McDonald's! Though we *did* stop at a
*Burger King* for "variety" on a previous outing with those aggravating
Warners ... [Brain rolls his eyes]
BRAIN-2: Really? You don't say ... there was this one time that we were attempting to
prevent someone from purveying Cabbage Patch Kids illegally throughout the country in 1985
... we wound up working with those obnoxious Warner brats and that
"in-your-face", explitive-abusive Detroit cop Axel Foley ... yet for some
reason, we wound up stopping off at this establishment's various franchises for
practically every other meal!
BRAIN: [In pondering mode] Interesting ... illegal Cabbage Patch Kids?
PINKY: [Staring at his Happy Meal box, and laughing] *Wa-hahahaha*! Ooh, this
*is* fun! Eating at this strange, parallel Earth McDonald's! *NARF*!
BRAIN: *What* is so "strange" about this establishment? It's the same as any
McDonald's on our *own* Earth! [Thinks for a second] In fact, I believe on our own
world, there's a McDonald's in this equivalent location as well! There's virtually
no difference! Even those dimbulb teenaged employees over there look to be counterparts to
the ones at our Earth's McDonald's!
[Brain points towards some teenaged cashier accidentally dropping somebody's change
into their open drink container, saying "whoops ... sorry, dude!"]
PINKY: Well ... didn't Billie say something about "similar worlds but with subtle
differences" or something? *POIT*!
BRAIN: *What* subtle differences are there about *this* establishment?
PINKY: Wellll ... um ... [Looks around] ... that empty trash can over there is usually
*full* on *our* Earth! Ooooooh, *subtle*! *NARF*!
[Brain slaps his hand over his face, and moans ... ]
BRAIN: [Sounding annoyed] Yes, Pinky, you certainly seem to have grasped the whole idea
PINKY: I have? Oh, goody! Hahaha! *TROZ*!
[Both Billies, and Clark, attempt to stifle a few chuckles at this exchange; Brain-2
BILLIE: [Finishing up her french fries] Can we get going home now? I've kind of had my
fill of alternate realities for one day ... [To the Earth-2 lab mice] no offense . . .
BRAIN: I believe we have no further business to conduct on this world ... [Sees Billie
isn't wearing a "quantum auto-return wristwatch"] I take it you'll be heading
back to our own Earth with the assistance of Superman?
BILLIE: Yeah, I will ... unless the two of you wanted to come ride along with me! [To
Pinky, sounding smooth-voiced] There's plenty of room ...
PINKY: *Naaarf* ... .
BILLIE: Though before we go, I think I've gotta bit of business to take care of first
... [To her counterpart] Uh, could I talk to you for a few minutes, Billie?
[Pulls Billie-2 off to the side, away from the group's earshot (except for Superman's,
natch) for a moment; the mice and Superman all stare at each other ... ]
BILLIE: Um, I guess I wanted to ask you if ... well ... you know ...
BILLIE-2: You want to know if my Pinky and I are an "item"?
BILLIE-2: [Grins] I think we both know the answer to that question ...
BILLIE: Yeah, I guess so ... but how *much* of an item, if I can ask?
BILLIE-2: [Glances over at Pinky; shrugs] Enough of one, I guess, considering Pinky's
unwavering attachment to Eggy ... why'd you ask?
BILLIE: I was just wondering, that's all ... [Whispers] but do you think we could, um,
"exchange" a few notes on how to do a better job of winnin' him over? I figure
it couldn't hurt! Besides, if the two of you are actually, y'know ... *married* ...
BILLIE-2: [Shrugs] Well, I guess we could exchange notes ... but actually, Pinky and I
aren't married ...
BILLIE: You *aren't*?! [Worried] Why not?!
BILLIE-2: Well, I've been waitin' for him to "pop" the question for years now
... but everytime I drop that hint, he keeps askin' me to give him a safety pin so he can
"pop" it with! [Billie-2 sighs, and looks saddened] Maybe it's for the best ...
BILLIE: Hmm ... maybe we'd *better* exchange a few notes after all ... [Slyly to her
counterpart] as well as a few *plans* ... if push comes to shove, you could pop the
question to Pinky yourself ... after all, these *are* the nineties! [Thinking] And not a
bad idea for *myself* to keep in mind, if "my" Pinky doesn't ever get around to
[Both Billies grin slyly back towards the table; both Brains look perplexed, while both
Pinkys merely grin broadly. Superman, having overheard all this via his super-hearing,
merely smirks a bit, and gives a wink towards the two love-smitten Billies ... ]
BILLIE: Hmm ... actually, now that I think of it, I've got some other unfinished ...
"business" ... on this Earth after we get our notes-exchange done with ...
[Narrows eyes, and looks at her backpack filled with the charred remains of Pinky's phone
directory page ... ]
[We fade from this scene, and back to the "Earth-2" ACME Labs building in New
York City, specifically the walkway in front of the lab ... Superman (back in costume),
with Billie in the saddlebag, stands on the walkway in front of the other mice ... ]
SUPERMAN: Well, all this was quite ... "educational" ... but I suppose it's
high time I got back to my own universe! [To the "Earth-2" lab mice] It was very
... interesting ... to meet the three of you! If you happen to run into him, give my
regards to my counterpart ... [To Billie] Are you ready?
BILLIE: Just a moment ... [To Pinky] So, Pinky ... do you wanna ride with me back to
[Makes fingers into "quote mark" motions] "Earth-1"?
PINKY: [Sounding excited] Oh, Brain, can I go with her? Pleeeeease?
BRAIN: Why would you want to go with Billie and Superman, Pinky? You already have the
means to head back to our own Earth ... you're still wearing the auto-return wristwatch!
PINKY: I know, but I've always wanted to fly around the world at near light speed and
breach dimensional barriers and get *really* dizzy! Pleeeease, Brain, can I, can I, can I?
BRAIN: [Flatly] Aren't you dizzy enough *already*?
PINKY: Um, let's see...uh...no?
BRAIN: [Sighs, places hand over face] Very well ... I suppose Billie will greatly
appreciate the company ...
PINKY: Oh, goody, goody, thank you Brain! *TROZ*!
PINKY-2: [Sratches head] Um, I've been meaning to ask, uh, Pinky ... what does
PINKY: Why, it's "ZORT" in the mirror! Hahaha! *TROZ*!
PINKY-2: "TROZ" ... [Saying it Pinky-style] *TROZ*! *Wa-hahahaha*! It *does*
sound rather fun-fun, silly-willy!
[Brain-2 rolls his eyes at this nonsensical word-exchange ... ]
BILLIE: Hop aboard, Pinky! [Pinky does so] Next stop: this world's Indian Ocean!
SUPERMAN: The Indian Ocean? Why do you want to go there?
BILLIE: I have a bit of "business" to take care of ... [To Pinky] ... so,
care to discuss why a certain name is in a certain telephone directory of a certain
handsome lab mouse?
PINKY: Um ... name? What name?
BILLIE: [Raising an eyebrow, and crossing her arms] You know who it is ... I'm talkin'
about Phar Fig---
[Superman rolls his eyes at this, smirks, and takes off, heading east; the mice all
wave goodbye ... ]
PINKY-2: Well, I guess like both our respective Shakespeares said, "all's well
that ends well", eh, Brain? *TROZ*! Wahahaha!
BRAIN-2: Yes, I suppose all is well that ends---[Looks startled] wait a minute ...
where did you learn such a cerebral Shakespearean quotation from, Pinky?
BRAIN: [Raising an eyebrow] Yes ... do tell!
BILLIE-2: He picked it up from that old "Flash" comic we were reading the
other day! Remember, Pinky? The blanket ... the warm cocoa ...
PINKY-2: Don't forget the lima beans floating in it! Yummy! *TROZ*! Hahaha!
BILLIE-2: [Giggles] Yeah ... .
BRAIN: [Flatly] I see ... . [To his counterpart, shaking his hand] I wish you the best
of luck in your plans ... without a doubt, I'm certain the idea for a reunion special
BRAIN-2: *YES*! I'm quite certain it will! And I wish you the best of luck in any of
your endeavors, my transdimensional brethren!
BRAIN: Thank you ... and now, I bid you all adieu!
[Brain presses the button on the side of his quantum wristwatch ... instantly, an
effect similar to "Star Trek"'s transporter beam occurs, with Brain's image
shimmying and fading until he vanishes from sight ... the others wave goodbye ... ]
BRAIN-2: Well, that's that ... come, Pinky, Billie ... we have work to do ...
BILLIE-2: And we have ice cream to eat, Pinky! Remember?
PINKY-2: Of course! [Pauses] ... *TROZ*! *Wa-hahahaha!* *TROZ*!
[Brain-2 shakes his head, and the three mice walk towards the entrance to their lab
building ... we fade away from this scene, and back once again to "Earth-1",
specifically its ACME Lab building. Fading into the interior, Brain is seen placing the
intercosmic diametric transposer inside a closet, covering it with a tarp ... Billie and
Pinky stand nearby, watching him do this ... ]
BRAIN: As stated before, I believe for now, I shall leave dimensional travel to the
realm of those comics characters you are so enamorated with, Pinky ...
PINKY: Like Superman? That was *loads* of fun, flying at that reeeeally fast speed,
Brain! *NARF* Though I didn't much like that trip over the Indian Ocean, I admit ...
[glances nervously at Billie].
BILLIE: Let's just drop it for now, OK, Pinky, and leave that piece of paper in the
past ... [thinking to herself] the *distant* past ... [Touches Pinky's arm] All right? I
mean, it can't get much further away than bein' buried in an entirely different
PINKY: Really? OK! *POIT*! By the way, I hope Superman got back home OK after that long
interdimensional trip-thingy, without even a rest stop break! *NARF*! ... um, Brain?
BRAIN: Yes, Pinky?
PINKY: Can we go visit that "Earth-2" place again sometime, now that we know
it isn't like a canceled NBC sci-fi series?
BRAIN: While I wouldn't completely rule out the chance of another encounter, Pinky, at
this point it seems rather doubtful ... though the future isn't set in stone, of course.
Though I fail to see a need to visit that particular dimension again, unless it were part
of some future plan for global conquest, which seems unlikely, seeing as our *next* plan
PINKY: [Sounding a bit disappointed] Oh ... OK, then, NARF!
BRAIN: Now come, Pinky ... we must prepare for tomorrow night!
PINKY: Why, Brain? What're we going to do tomorrow night? [Gasps] Travel to an Earth
where we only exist as fictional TV characters?
BRAIN: [Annoyed] *Noooo*, despite how lacking such an Earth must be to be devoid of
*my* existence ... [Billie rolls her eyes]
[Fade back to the parallel world of "Earth-2"'s ACME Labs, where Brain-2 is
seen typing at a PC ... the words "An Animaniacs Reunion Special" appear at the
top of the screen, while the words "List of Characters to Appear",
"Pointless Celebrity Cameos", "Sponsors", and "Ways to Win Over
Dimwitted WB Executives" are printed in bold at the top of separate columns. Nearby,
Pinky-2 and Billie-2 are reading a comic book, specifically the "Flash" ...
mouse-sized mugs of cocoa sit near the mice.]
PINKY-2: [Holding up said comic] See, Brain? This is the book where they used that
Shakespeare quote! *TROZ*! HAHAHA! *TROZ*!
BRAIN-2: Put that comic away, Pinky! We must prepare for tomorrow night!
PINKY-2: [Walking over to Brain-2] Why, Brain? What're we gonna do tomorrow night?
BRAIN-2: [Flatly] Break you of the habit of saying that ludicrous "word"...
[A split-screen image forms of both Earths' Brains, raising their fists in similar
BOTH BRAINS: The same thing we do every night, Pinky ... *TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD*!
[The split-screen stays in place as both halves display each world's ACME Labs
building, with the respective labs' signs blinking ... ]
SINGERS: One set is youthful, the other's well-aged ... they're Pinkys, Billies and the
Brains, Brains, Brains, Brains, Brains ...
[The closing orchestra notes sound, with Pinky-2 saying "TROZ! HAHAHA!"
followed with the sound of him being bopped on the head, as we fade out to ... ]
Pinky/Pinky-2: Rob Paulsen
Brain/Brain-2: Maurice LaMarche
Billie/Billie-2/Melissa Lamsen: Tress MacNeille
Wallace Faust: Jeff Glenn Bennett
Damien/Prison Guards: Billy West
Superman: Tim Daly
Chicken Boo: Frank Welker
Pinky, the Brain, Billie, Wally Faust, Elmyra, ACME Labs, Chicken Boo, Phar Fig Newton,
"Animaniacs", the "Cat and Bunny...um...Whatever...Show" © 2001 by
Warner Bros., used without permission.
Superman created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster.
Superman, the Flash, Johnny Thunder, Green Lantern, the Brain Wave, the Justice Society
of America and related elements © 2001 DC Comics, used without permission.
Axel Foley, "Star Trek" © Paramount
Studios, used without permission.
"Stargate SG-1" © Showtime.
"A Brief History of Time" written by Stephen Hawkings.
Damien, Melissa Lamsen created by Brainatra.
Thanks to: Sharklady, Romey, and Craig (for dialogue suggestions/commentary).
An imitation or similar-looking copy of an item/individual