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YOU'RE SO BRAIN-Y
by Jennifer Lynn Weston
(Sung to the tune of ‘You’re So Vain’ by Carly Simon)
You started life in a laboratory, a mouse with an outsize head,
You were used in DNA-combinent tests, ‘could improve you or leave you dead,
As those foreign genes spliced onto yours, your mental cognizance spread,
That’s when you first found your Lifetime Ambition, Lifetime Ambition,
You’re so brain-y
You prob’ly want to conquer the planet,
You’re so brain-a-a-nee!
I’ll bet you want to conquer the planet, don’t you, don’t you?
Well you have one friend who was sim’larly spliced (and in contrast with you
he’s slim),
But those IQ genes which adhered to you, completely avoided him,
So you clobber him with pencil ends, annoyed because he’s so dim,
Nevertheless, he’s your constant companion, constant companion,
Chorus
So the two of you try to take over the world, for it’s own good or so you claim,
Using oddball schemes which never succeed, and frequently cause you pain,
But no matter what your failure rate, you always try it again,
We have to say this for you: you’re persistent. Narf! You’re persistent!
Chorus
(I got the idea for this from the opening scene of ‘Brainy Jack’, where Brain
is hurrying to Carly Simon’s house “to find out if that song is about
me.” I suspect he refers to the 1972 hit, ‘You’re So
Vain’, and the controversy it stirred on first release- just who was the model
for Simon’s unnamed egocentric? I don’t believe she is describing Brain-
for one thing, he’s too short to keep ‘one eye on the mirror’ from a dance
floor. However, with some slight rearrangement of the lyrics.....)
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