Fan Fics

Pinky, Elmyra & the Brain:
The Mousefeathers

By The Siren

"Gee, Brain. What are we going to do today?"
"The same thing we do every day, Pinky. Endure Elmyra, and try to take over the world!"

    "Rock-a-bye mousies, time for your nap!"
    Elmyra Duff violently rocked Pinky and the Brain, as they screamed and desperately held on to her arms. Decked out in diapers and baby bonnets, the two mice dizzily watched the room start to spin, as Elmyra began twirling around in circles.
    "Brain!" Pinky cried. "I think I'm getting all tingly, ha, ha!"
    "You would," Brain cried, who himself was getting nauseous.
    "One, two, three!" Elmyra abruptly stopped and flung the mice across the room. They landed with a violent thump on her dresser.
    "I am in considerable pain," Brain said wearily.
    "Me, too," said Pinky, "but I kind of like it. Narf!"
    Just then, the doorbell rang. "Pizza!" Elmyra cried, grabbing her piggy bank and racing out of the room.
    "I pity that poor pizza deliverer," Brain muttered as he pulled off the diaper and baby bonnet and rubbed his sore hip.
    "So, Brain," Pinky said as he pulled off the baby bonnet and replaced it on his head backward. "What's in store for tonight?"
    "Tonight, Pinky, I have devised a plan which in mere seconds will render me ruler of the world!"
    "Ooh, then I'd better get my last minute shopping done, hadn't I?"
    Brain decided to ignore that comment. "Using parts I found in Elmyra's garage, I have assembled a device which I call the
electrenfibulator. By attaching it to a telephone pole, it will produce an electrical current, which, upon meshing with air molecules, will travel around the telephone poll, through the wires, and to electronic devices everywhere, rendering all who use them completely susceptible to suggestion for exactly thirty seconds. During this time, I will speak into a little microphone inside the electrenfibulator, and proclaim myself ruler of the world!"
    "Brilliant, Brain!...Oh, wait, no. What if someone isn't using an electronic device, Brain?"
"Humans are technological piranhas, Pinky," Brain said dryly.
"Anyone who is anyone uses electronic devices as much as possible.
Why do you think everyone is so panicked about Y2K? Now, any other questions, Pinky?"
    "Just one, Brain. Why were the Denver Broncos' uniforms bright orange for so many seasons, and then suddenly one season dark blue?"
    "No, Pinky. I mean about the plan!"
    "Oh. Don't think so, Brain."
    "Good. Last night, while you and Elmyra were asleep, I assembled the electrenfibulator onto a nearby telephone poll. However, according to my calculations, the electrenfibulator will work optimally only at sunset."
    "Oooh, Brain," said Pinky. "That'll be in about fifteen minutes!"
    "Yes, Pinky." Brain looked over at Elmyra, who had returned, and was now seated on the floor trying to shove pizza into a doll's mouth.
"We must leave immediately. Elmyra?" Elmyra looked up at Brain, who gave her his sweetest look. "Pinky and I have been good all day, and we took our nap. May we go outside and play for a little while?"
    Elmyra blinked at him. "Alone?"
    "Oh, we'll be alright," Brain said sweetly. "We're just going to play in a nearby park."
    "We're going to the park?" Pinky cried, dancing around. "Whoopeee!!
We're going to play in the park! We're going to play in the...oof!"
Brain whapped him with a pencil.
    "Well..." said Elmyra, "okay. But be careful, and be sure to be back before sunset, or I'll have to come get you!"
    "Do you want to come, Elmyra?" Pinky asked. Brain frantically motioned "no" to him.
    "I can't. Little Baby Stinkbottom has a cold."
    "Okay." Pinky skipped after Brain out the window.

***

    "Behold, Pinky! The electrenfibulator!"
    "Naaarrrf!" Pinky stared at the contraption Brain had assembled at the park. A small metal box with a lever had been attached to a telephone pole. Little electrodes on the back of the box had penetrated the poll and were sticking out the other side. Connected to either side of the metal box was a thick cable.
    "This, Pinky, this will allow us to capture the world!"
    "What does this big, thick wire do, Brain?" Pinky reached for the cable.
    "Don't touch that, Pinky!" Brain slapped his hand away. "That controls where the electrical current travels. If that is
disconnected while the electrenfibulator is on, it will send electricity in random directions, the consequences of which could be
dire!"
    "Oh." Pinky backed nervously away from the cable.
    "The time has come, Pinky. Everything is ready. Victory, at last, is holding her hand out to us, and we are about to take it!"
    "Eww. I hope she washed it first."
Brain waited a few moments as the sun started to set. "Are you ready, Pinky?"
"Ready!"
Brain pulled down the lever on the electrenfibulator. Little sparks shot from it, around the cable, and up the telephone pole,
stretching out over the wires. The sky was turning orange and pink.
    "Yes-s-s, Pinky. It's working. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
    "I think so, Brain. But if you call her Dottie, she'll kill you."
    Brain glanced quizzically over at Pinky. "No, Pinky. We have succeeded! We are about to take over the world!"
    But just then, a shrill voice sounded out from behind them.
    "There you are, mousies! Time to come home!"
    Pinky and Brain turned around in horror, to see Elmyra running up to them.
    "Wait, Elmyra!" Brain cried. "The electrenfibulator is reaching maximum power! We have let it finish!"
    "You have to put that away now! I told you! Time to go!" Elmyra ran up to the telephone poll.
    "No, Elmyra!"
    But it was too late. Elmyra had already pulled out one end of the cable, sending lightning bolts straight through the telephone pole and into the air. Two of them struck Pinky and Brain, whose fir stood on end and who screamed. Nearby, two birds that were flying by fell out of the sky, and landed with a thud on the ground, having been zapped by the bolts.
    Elmyra pulled the cable completely out and the lightning stopped. The mice fell to the ground, blackened and unconscious.
    "Oh, my poor little mousies!" Elmyra cried, dropping the cable and scooping up the mice. "You're all boo-booed! I gotta take you home and make you better!" And with that, she ran off, mice in arms.

***

    The two birds lay unmoving on the ground. A third bird swooped down next to them. "Coo! Hey, you two," he said. "This ain't the first time you've been char broiled! C'mon! The Godpigeon's waiting for us!" He landed next to one of the birds and kicked it slightly. "C'mon, Squit. Get up. We gotta get going." He then tottered over to the other one. "Hey, Pesto! Quit lying around on the job!" Neither bird moved. "Hey, you two! It's me, Bobby! Get up." The birds still didn't move.
    "Oh, boy," said the third bird, "looks like you two have been pigeon a la king one two many times. This is not good. C'mon, get up! Watsa madda with you?"
    Squit began to groan and move his head a little. Bobby fluttered over to him and roughly sat him up. Squit glanced around in a daze. "Wha...?"
    "You was flambayed by a telephone wire. Now get up. We gotta see the Godpigeon." Pesto began to move his head a little. Bobby roughed him to his feet as well. "C'mon you two. This ain't the first time this has happened! Let's move!" Bobby herded Pesto and Squit, and then took off. Dazed, Squit and Pesto followed.
    Suddenly, Squit regained his senses and realized...
    "Am I in the air?" Freezing, Squit quickly fell screaming back to the earth. Bobby and Pesto swooped down after him.
    "Squit, wadda you doin'? We're already running late!" Bobby cried.
    Squit, or what appeared to be Squit, stumbled to his feet. "No! This isn't possible! I'm covered with feathers! My head has shrunk!
This couldn't have happened! The electrenfibulator isn't capable of doing this! How could this be? I'm a bird! I'M A BIRD!!!"
    "Yeah, yeah. You're a bird. Big news. Would you c'mon?" Bobby said.
    The bird that looked like Squit backed away. "You! Who are you? Answer me!"
    "Yo, Squit! It's me, Bobby! And that's Pesto, ain't ya, Pesto?"
    Pesto stared blankly into space.
    "Hey, Pesto, answer when I tell you to." Bobby slapped Pesto on chest, pounding out his reply...
    "NARF!"
    "Narf?" Bobby stepped back, and then moved forward. "Are you narfing at me? Are you narfing at me?"
    "POIT! ZORT! TROZ!"
    "Yo, Pesto. I know all the curse words in the Italian language, and that ain't any of 'em! Wadda you saying?"
    But Squit had started to approach Pesto. Hesitantly, he looked him in the eye. "Pinky?"
    Pesto showed recognition.
    "Pinky, it's me," the bird with the gray head said. "The Brain."
    The chubby purple bird's eyes widened. "Brain!" He began to laugh, wildly. "Brain! Lookit me! I'm a bird! I'm a bird!"
    "Yes, Pinky. So am I."
    Pinky began to flap his wings and race around. "Wheee! Fun fun silly willy! I'm a bird! Birdie, birdie, birdie!"
    "Yo! Pesto! Squit! Watsa madder with yous?"
    Brain took Bobby by where his shoulders would be. "I'm afraid we're not your friends Pesto and Squit. My name is The Brain, and that," he said, motioning to the bird running in circles, "is Pinky. We are two ex-lab mice who have accidentally switched bodies with Pesto and Squit in a botched attempt to take over the world."
    Bobby shook his head. "Coooo! We've been in some strange ones before, but this one takes the calzone. How'm I gonna explain this to the Godpigeon?"
    "I'm afraid I don't know," Brain said, looking off toward Pinky. "I can't explain Pinky when he's in his correct body!"
    "Well, neva mind!" said Bobby. "We've still gotta meet the Godpigeon, and we're late!" He fluttered into the air.
    "I'm afraid we have a problem," Brain called after him. "I'm unable to fly!"
    "Wadda ya mean? Your wings ain't broken! C'mon!"
    "Wings?" Brain said quietly. "Yes. I am now a bird. Let's see. If I calculate the wind trajectory, and multiply it by my wingspan..."
    Pinky tottered over to Brain. "Gee, Brain. It's not that hard to fly. You just flap your wings." Pinky began to flap, and rose into the air. "HAHA! Birdie, birdie! Troz!"
    "Flap my wings," said Brain. "I can do that." He began to do so, and also rose into the air. "Ha, ha! Look at me! I'm flying! YES-S-S!
I AM a bird!"
    "Yeah, right, wonderful," Bobby herded the two together. "You're a bird. Now turn your torso right and let's go. Mama mia! The Godpigeon's gonna be annoyed wit us!"
    As the three flew off, Pinky turned to Brain. "What do you think Pesto and Squit are doing right now in our bodies, Brain?"
    "I'm not sure I want to know."

***

    "AAAAAAHHHH!"
    Smack.
    Pesto and Squit landed hard on their mousy stomachs on Elmyra's dresser. Elmyra loomed over them.
    "Time to apply the baby oil to the nasty-wasty burns!" she cried.
Before they could move, the two found themselves practically drowning in greasy oil.
    Coughing and gagging, Squit cried, "Geez, Pesto! Wadda you think we did to deserve this?"
    "I dunno, Squit. But this little meatball's one real piece of work, know-what-I'm-sayin'?"
Elmyra picked the two now-mice up again, and nearly squeezed the life out of them. "Poor mousies! You had a bad day!" She rocked them violently back and forth. "I wuv wittle Pinky! I wuv you, Brainie Big Head! Rocky, rocky!"
    "WHOA!" Pesto and Squit held on for dear life.
    "Time for beddy bye!" With that, she dropped them on a little pillow on her dresser.
    Pesto scrambled to his feet and shook a fist at her. "You do that again, and I'll clean the clock wit ya! You hear me? You little %@!!&$$..."
    Elmyra gasped, and her face turned red. "NAUGHTY POTTY MOUTH!!!" she cried, grabbing Pesto and heading out the door.
    "I'll show you potty mouth! You put me down, you..." and then Pesto began spewing out words Squit couldn't even remember hearing when he was being pounded. The bathroom door slammed shut, and all was quiet.
    Squit turned toward the mirror on Elmyra's dresser. His new, confused looking, large-headed mousey face stared back at him. "Ya know something, Brainie Big Head?" he said to the reflection. "I think that was poetic justice for both of us."

***

    Bobby, Pinky, and Brain landed on a bus stop bench. It was now dark, and the three could only see that which was illuminated by the street lamp. A fat, gray-feathered pigeon waddled into the light.
    "The Godpigeon," Bobby said softly.
    The three fluttered down onto the ground. Bobby bent over and kissed the Godpigeon's feet. He turned and cast a warning look toward Pinky and Brain. Pinky hesitantly bent over and kissed.
    Bobby turned to Brain. "Go on, you!"
    "I will not," Brain replied.
    "Look, you. Every Goodfeather kisses the Godpigeon's feet. Every Goodfeather."
    "Even his wife?" Pinky asked.
    "It's disgusting," said Brain.
    The Godpigeon made a noise. "Bizza buza abda bidooda?"
    Bobby looked around in alarm at the Godpigeon, then back at Brain. "The Godpigeon says you are not his wife. You must kiss his feet. Why do you not do so?"
    "I just said...wait a minute!" Brain cried. "How did you get all that out of what he uttered?"
    "I speaks fluent Pigeon."
    "That was not any Pidgin."
    Bobby pressed his beak menacingly against Brain's. "Are you telling me I don't know my own language? I know what Pigeon is."
    "A Pidgin language is bits and pieces of two existing languages, preliminary to a Creole. It has elements from both parent languages, which I would have detected, even if I didn't understand it. I didn't detect a thing."
    Bobby pressed in closer. "Listen, you. You are now not only insulting me, but you are also insulting the Godpigeon!"
    "I am not insulting you. I am simply telling you that that was not a Pidgin. It sounded more like gibberish."
    "Aowwh, I don't know, Brain," said Pinky. "It sounded like pigeon talk to me. In fact, I think I picked it up!" Pinky turned toward the Godpigeon. "Buzz buzz buzz! Hubba bubba! Ha, ha! Narf!"
    "Narf?" said the Godpigeon.
    "Pinky, stop that!" cried Brain.
    Bobby bowed his head toward the Godpigeon. "Godpigeon, I must apologize for Pesto and Squit. They are not themselves, today."
    Pinky began to run around in circles again. "Ha! Ha! Buzza meatball! Birdie birdie! Troz!"
    "Pinky, CEASE!" cried Brain.
    Pinky paid no attention to him. "Birdie, birdie! Dubba bubba!"
Brain grabbed a nearby stick and whacked Pinky over the head with it. Pinky fell flat on his face. His eyes twirled for a minute as he looked up. He then laughed.
    "Pinky, when I tell you to cease, cease!"
    "'K."
    Brain looked over at Bobby and the Godpigeon. He then cocked an eyebrow. Bobby and the Godpigeon stared at him, wide-eyed and agape.
    "Boy," said Bobby. "I never thought I'd see Squit do that!"

***

    The Godpigeon lead the three to an open area near the bus stop. It was covered with old food left from riders. Bobby's eyes went very wide. "Wow!" he said. "Look at all this food!"
    Brain glanced annoyingly in his direction. "Food? This is litter. These people ought to be cited!"
    The Godpigeon turned around. "Zizza bazza dooda, imer abbla zaazaa mada dada."
    "WOW!" Bobby turned gleefully to Pinky and Brain. "The Godpigeon says he does not know why you two are acting like you are, but because the three of us have been loyal Goodfeathers, he wishes to dine with us tonight at this great feast!"
    Brain made a face. "He's kidding right?"
    "He's going to share all this with us?" Pinky cried.
    Bobby turned back to the Godpigeon. "We are most honored, Godpigeon!" He kissed his feet, and Pinky did the same.
    "Oh, let's not go through this again," Brain muttered. "And if he thinks I'm going to even touch any of this..."
    "Bizza buzza hemma humma."
    Bobby blinked disbelievingly at the Godpigeon. "He...does...know..."
    "He knows what?" Brain snapped.
    "He knows you are not Pesto and Squit. Squit would never act this ungrateful, and Pesto would never act this gracious!"
    Pinky threw himself in front of the Godpigeon. "We're sorry!" he cried. "We didn't mean to trick you. We're just poor little birdie mice who have no home and need to take over the magic blue ball to get to the fairy land and claim our crayons!" He began to sob.
    "What did he say?" Bobby asked Brain.
    "I have no idea."
    The Godpigeon patted Pinky on the head. "Zizza bazza bam booda, whizza mazza schazzda."
    Bobby cocked and eyebrow. "The Godpigeon forgives you, and says he knows you did not mean to deceive."
    "Chizza mazza vamdoola."
    "He says he welcomes you to our family, and would like to make you..."
    "Za zaazza flamdazza!"
    Bobby gasped. "An honorary Goodfeather! That is the highest honor a non-pigeon can receive from the Godpigeon!"
    "Oh, how nice," Brain muttered. "Just what I've always wanted."
    Bobby grabbed the scuff of Brain's neck. "He didn't say he was going to make YOU an honorary Goodfeather, you fat, feathered..."
    "Oh, no." Pinky stood up, threw his wings around Brain's neck, and pulled him away from Bobby. "You can tell the Godpigeon thank you, but I won't accept any honor unless Brain is also gets it."
    "Oh, he'll get it alright," muttered Bobby.
    "You accepted being part of T.H.E.Y.," Brain said.
    "That's different! You gave that up!" cried Pinky. "I'm sorry, Godpigeon, but Brain is my best friend. I won't become a Goodfeather without him!"
    The Godpigeon came over and again patted Pinky on the head. "Zizza zizza flambooda."
    "The Godpigeon cannot make Brain an honorary Goodfeather," Bobby said. "But he respects and admires your loyalty toward your friend."
    "Ziz za! Fram da! Ma za!"
    "Which," Bobby said sheepishly, "is more than...Bobby...ever...did."
    "Zip zada vandola."
    "The Godpigeon still wants you to feast with us, and will honor you by granting a favor."
    "Ooh! Ooh!" cried Pinky. "A favor! What should I ask for? A new dolly? Some crayons? A trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain?"
    Brain grabbed Pinky's beak. "Tell the Godpigeon we would like to return to our suburban headquarters to fetch our counterparts and equipment so that we may return to our correct bodies!"
    Pinky pulled free from Brain's grip. "Why would we want to do that, Brain? Don't you hate living with Elmyra?"
    "Yes, Pinky," Brain said. "But we will never take over the world as long as we are Goodfeathers. And we cannot curse Pesto and Squit to a life we ourselves do not want to live. No, my friend, we must return to our natural bodies. Besides," Brain scratched his wing, "these feathers are itchy."
    "Well, that's because they're dirty, Brain," said Pinky matter-of-factly.
    "Hey," said Bobby, "who you callin' dirty?"
    The Godpigeon bowed toward Pinky and Brain and made another utterance. "The Godpigeon finds your request noble and will grant it. He also...," Bobby looked at the Godpigeon. "You're kidding!"
    The Godpigeon made a sharp warning noise at Bobby. Bobby looked fearfully at him, then back at Pinky and Brain.
    "He also WILL make you both honorary Goodfeathers!"
    "Whoopeee!!!" cried Pinky. "Let's eat!"
    Brain looked at the ground and made a queasy face. "I don't think so," he said.

***

    As Bobby, Pinky, and Brain flew toward Elmyra's house, two mice stuck their heads out the window. "It's about time you guys got here!"  cried Squit.
    "You calzone heads!" cried Pesto. "How dare you do this to us! Do you have any idea what we've been through tonight?"
    "We came back as soon as we could," Brain said, as the birds landed on the window seal. "Your Godpigeon held us up."
    "Yo, Bobby," snapped Pesto. "Why didn't you tell the Godpigeon what was going on, huh?" But Bobby simply wandered away, shaking his head and mumbling something about the Godpigeon needing a vacation.
    "Where is the oaf?" Brain asked.
    "She's asleep on the bed," Pesto quipped. "That little fuzzy meatball! I ought to knock her into next week! She shoved suds down my throat!"
    "You have my sympathy," Brain said dryly. "Where is the electrenfibulator?" He began searching the room.
    "The what?"
    "The device that caused this situation. Where is it? Is it still on the poll?"
    "I don't have your fibulator!" Pesto cried. "What do I look like, Keeper of the Fibulator? Do I look like the Master Pigeon of the Fibulator to you?"
    Brain chose to ignore him. "It must still be on the poll. Come! We must get back there and try to reverse the effects before someone steals it!"
    "Who'd want to steal that piece of garbage?" Pesto snapped.
    "But, Brain, will it work at night, not being sunset and all?" Pinky
asked.
    "We'll simply have to do our best," Brain replied, unsure himself.
    "Wait!" cried Squit as the birds rose into the air. "Pesto and I are
mice now! How are we gonna get there?"
    "Yeah, you're not just going to leave us with this crazy girl, are ya?" Pesto cried.
    Brain rolled his eyes and picked up Squit by the tail. Bobby did the same with a cursing Pesto, and they flew off toward the park, Pinky trailing behind.

***

The electrenfibulator and cable was exactly where Elmyra had left them. Bobby, Pinky and Brain landed. Brain and Bobby set Pesto and Squit on the ground and all five wandered up to the device.
    "Now," said Brain. "We must recreate the accident. Bobby, you must play Elmyra's role."
    "Why do I have to play Elmyra?" Bobby asked.
    "'Cause you're the only one here, dodo" Pesto said flatly. Bobby flicked Pesto's head with his wing tips. "Ow!"
    "You must follow my instructions exactly," Brain continued. "Once I reconnect the electrenfibulator, Pinky and I will fly up and hover over the poll. Squit and Pesto, you will stand here." He tottled over to where he and Pinky and been standing when Elmyra pulled the cable out, and made an "X" with his talon. "Any questions?"
    "Yeah," said Pesto. "So, what?"
    "Bobby will then start the electrenfibulator, wait until the lightning reaches the wires, and pull out the cable. Thus, we will be
struck by the lightning again, and put back into our original bodies."
    "Whoa, wait a minute," cried Pesto, suddenly alarmed. "You mean we gotta get fried by lightning again? I don't think so!" He started to walk away. "You all have a good time. I'm outta here!" Bobby stepped on Pesto's tail, causing him to fall on his face.
    Squit ran over to face him. "C'mon, Pesto. It's the only way we'll get our own bodies back!"
    "No! I have been flambayed, mangled, soaped, oiled, and thudded tonight. I am NOT going to be fried again!"
    "You don't have a choice, blabber beak," Bobby said, picking up Pesto and holding him upside down. "Get over there before I mow the grass wit ya!" He plopped Pesto down, who walked sulking to the "X".
    "Very well," said Brain. "Bobby, as soon as the lightning strikes, pull the cable completely out. Do you understand?"
    "Furgetabboutit!" Bobby walked over to the electrenfibulator.
    Brain hooked the wire back up. "Places!" He and Pinky flew to just above the pole, as Squit and Pesto stood on the "X". "Ready?" Bobby gave him a thumbs-up.
    "NOW!!"
    Bobby pulled the lever. The electrenfibulator shot out sparks, which traveled around the cable, up the poll, and along the wires.
    Bobby pulled out one end of the cable.
    Lightning flew everywhere, striking the two flying birds and the mice. They shrieked. Bobby quickly pulled out the other end of the cable. The electrenfibulator stopped, and the two birds plummeted to the ground. The mice lay unmoving. Bobby raced up to one of the birds, nudging him.
    "Squit, Squit! Speak to me!"
    The bird moaned and moved his head a little. Then his eyes flew open and he grinned.
    "Squit?"
    "NARF!"
    "Oh, no." Bobby raced around, nudging the other bird and the mice. "Squit? Pesto? Where are yas?"
    Brain sat up, looked at his hands, saw they were wings, and realized he was in Pesto's body. "Oh, dear," he mumbled.
    "That was fun!" cried Pinky, fluttering around in Squit's body. "I have HUGE teeth! Can we do that again?"
    "We're going to have to," Brain moaned, stumbling over to the electrenfibulator.
    "NO!" cried Pesto, now in Brain's body. He stumbled away. "I am NOT going though that again!"
    "You ain't got no choice!" Bobby picked him up by his tail, and replaced him on the "X".
    "Do we have to?" moaned Squit, rubbing his--Pinky's--forehead and sitting on the "X".
    Brain reconnected the electrenfibulator, and he and Pinky fluttered into the air. "Ready?"
    Bobby took his position.
    "Now!"
    Bobby started the electrenfibulator, which redid its motions. At Brain's signal, Bobby pulled out the cable end, sending the lightning into the air. As the birds hit the ground, he pulled out the cable and ran to Squit's body.
    "Squit, Squit! Are you in there?"
    The bird opened his eyes. "I'm Pesto, you moron!"
    "No, you're not!" said Bobby ominously.
    Pesto, now in Squit's body, shot up. He looked at his wing tips.
"MAMA LEONIE!" He cried, and started cursing the ground, the sky, Brain, Bobby, and anything else he could think of.
    "Oh my gosh," Squit cried, staggering to his feet. "I'm in Pesto's body! I can't believe it!"
    "And I'm Brain's!" cried Pinky. He started to run around. "Ooh! I feel so top-heavy!" He leaned right and left, trying to balance Brain's head, and finally teetered over. "HAHA! Narf!"
    Brain stood over him. "Pinky, you're insulting me."
    "Ooh, Brain. You're head is bigger than I thought!"
    "And I've never felt so light headed in my life!" Brain muttered.
"Quickly! We must get out of each other's bodies before permanent damage is done!" Brain reached behind him, and examined his now-straight tail, shaking his head. "How can anyone live like this?"
    "Lookit me!" cried Pinky. He pushed his feet into the air, thus standing on Brain's head. "HAHA! Troz!" Brain walked faster toward the pole.   
    "Wow!" cried Squit, flapping around. "This is so surreal!" He began to roll around on the ground.   
    "You ain't just whistling Figaro," muttered Bobby.
    "Yo, Squit, quit doin' that in my body!" cried Pesto.
    "Sorry, Pesto, you're just so chubby! It's kinda fun!"
    "Are you callin' me chubby?" Pesto cried, coming over to Squit.
    "No, Pesto, I..." But then Squit stopped and looked him in the eye.
"Why, yes I am, Pesto. Whadda goin' to do about it? Knock your teeth out?"
    "No, I'm gonna knock YOUR teeth out!" Pesto doubled up his fist, preparing to punch himself in the mouth.
    "Yo, Pesto, Squit, stop it!" Bobby cried. "Get your carcasses up in the air so we can finish this thing!"
    "Yes," said Brain, who had finished reconnecting the electrenfibulator. "Pinky, return to the 'X'!"
    Pinky, still upside down, turned toward Brain. "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
    "You're afterlife? Yes-s-s!"
    "Say that again!" cried Pinky.
    "What? Yes-s-s?"
    "Ha, ha! That's so funny in my voice! Yes-s-s! Narf!"
    "Pinky, stop saying that nonsense word in my voice!"
    "Troz!"
    "All of yous, stop it, and let's get this over with!" Bobby cried. "Geez! It's almost sunrise!"
    "Then the electrenfibulator should work better," mumbled Brain, as he dragged Pinky by the tail to the "X". Pinky continued to laugh, crying as he went, "Ponder, ponder! Big word! Big word! Yes-s-s! HAHA! Zort!..."
    Squit and Pesto flew into position. "Ready up here!" Squit cried.
    "Ready!" cried Brain.
    Bobby pulled the lever. Again the electrenfibulator repeated its actions, and again, Bobby pulled the cable end. Again the lightning struck the two birds and mice. Bobby waited a few seconds.
    Suddenly, the electrenfibulator exploded, blowing apart the cable and the box. Bobby jumped back. The lightning stopped, and the birds again fell to the ground. Bobby jumped up and ran to the electrenfibulator, now sparking and smoking on the ground.
    "Holy marinara," said Bobby. "If it didn't work this time..." He ran over to Squit's body. "Oh, please, please tell me you're Squit!"
    The bird fluttered its eyes. "I'm Squit."
    "No foolin'!" cried Bobby, shaking him. "Are you really Squit?"
    "Yeah, I'm really Squit." Squit opened his eyes a bit wider. He examined his wings. "I'm Squit! I'm really Squit!" He flew into the air and twirled around. "I'm back in my own body! Coo! Coo!"
    Pesto joined him. "Oh, baby! Does that feel good!"
    Brain wearily sat up, rubbing his own large head. "Thank Heaven that trip is over."
    Pinky shot up. "HAHA! Narf!" he cried. "Oh, boy, Brain. That was fun! Can we do it again tomorrow?"
    "No, Pinky!" cried Brain. "Never again. NE-VER AGAIN!"
    "You ain't kidding," said Bobby, pointing to the electrenfibulator.
    "Oh, no," moaned Brain, picking up the pieces.
    "Oh, well, too bad," said Pinky, coming up next to him. "So, what now?"
    Just then, a shrill noise pierced the dawn. "MOUSIES?!!"
    "Oh, no," cried Bobby, "it's the girl!"
    "Great," muttered Brain.
    "I'm not dealin' with her again," cried Pesto. "Let's get outta here!"
    The Goodfeathers took off into the air. "So long, mice!" cried Bobby.
    "Can't say it's been fun, cause it hasn't!" Pesto yelled.
    The three quickly started to fly away. Suddenly, Squit froze.
    "Wait, guys," he said, and started flying back toward the mice.
    "Yo, Squit!" cried Bobby. "Wadda you doin'?"
    "Squit, c'mon!" called Pesto. "They're not our problem!"
    "We have to help them!"
    "Man, Squit's right," said Bobby in a quick, unhappy realization. "They're honorary Goodfeathers!"
    "They're WHAT?" cried Pesto.
    "Hey," called Squit, hovering high over the mice. "Do you guys need a ride back to the house?"
    Elmyra's voice sounded through the night. "OH MOUSIEEEES?!"
    Brain's ears lowered. "I think we already have one."
    Squit looked over in Elmyra's direction. "You sure about that?"
    Brain looked up at the Goodfeathers, then in Elmyra's direction. He wondered who would kill whom first. "I'm sure."
    "Okay. Se ya." Squit flew back to the others. "They don't want our help."
    "Of course not!" said Pesto, slapping Squit on the back of the head. "They're mieces! Mieces is nothin' but trouble!"
    As Pesto and Bobby flew away, Squit lingered behind. He watched Elmyra roughly pick up Pinky and the Brain in one hand, the electrenfibulator in the other, and run off. "Nah, it's the girl that's trouble, Pesto. You of all birds ought to know," he said. He
stared sadly after her. "Poor mice. I really do feel sorry for them." With that, Squit flew off to join his comrades.

    Back at Elmyra's house, Brain sat staring sadly at the ruined electrenfibulator. He sighed, and looked over at Pinky, who was
playing quietly in a corner.
    "They changed their uniforms."
    Pinky looked up. "What, Brain?"
    "The Denver Broncos. Their owner, Pat Bowlen, had Nike design new uniforms for the team that were more comfortable and increased their mobility. They also selected navy blue as opposed to bright orange. Then at the beginning of the 1997 season the Broncos switched the uniforms from the old orange ones to the new navy blue ones. That's why they were wearing orange, and now they're wearing dark blue."
    "Oh. Thanks, Brain."

    As the Goodfeathers flew, Pesto turned to Bobby. "So, Bobby. Wadda we gonna do tomorrow night?"
    "I dunno," Bobby replied.
    "Same thing we do every night, Pesto," said Squit. "Try to take over the world!"
    Bobby and Pesto stopped and stared at Squit. "Why would we do that?" Bobby asked.
    "I dunno," Squit replied. "Maybe we're megalomaniacs."
    "Excuse me?" said Pesto, moving menacingly toward Squit. "Excuse me? Did you call me a megalomaniac? Did YOU call me a megalomaniac? Are you saying I am a little blonde kid in a silver jacket with dark glasses building forts and houses and the Statue of Liberty out of colorful interlocking blocks on commercials here to AMUSE you?"
    "No!" cried Squit, sweating. "That's not what I'm saying!"
    "I am a megalomaniac."
    "Yeah," Squit said, nodding quickly. "That's what I'm saying."
    "THAT'S IT! I'LL SHOW YOU MEGALOMANIAC!!!!" Pesto attacked Squit, and a fight ensued, curse words flying everywhere.
    Bobby began to laugh. "Ya, know," he said, "I didn't know how much I missed seeing Pesto pound Squit...till I saw Squit pound Pesto! Ha, ha!" He continued to laugh at his battling comrades, as the sun began to rise.

They're Bobby, and Pesto and the Squit, Squit, Squit, Squit, "Ow!"

THE END

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