Authors Note: Before I start, there is
something that I must say. Certain individuals, who shall be named later, contributed
greatly to this story. However, I do not wish for it to be assumed that they
provided their credited gags and nothing more. All of them read an
"advance" copy of this story, and they were kind enough to review and comment on
it for me. These comments were most helpful in polishing up the story, and in adding
more details in some of the thin spots. For this, I must say, "Thank you."
By the way, this is my third Tiny Toons story, the first being,
"Buster and Babs: No Relation?" and the second was, "What's in a
Name?" If you have not already read those stories, both available in the
Archives, I strongly recommend that you do so, as this one brings certain elements of the
two previous ones to their, "logical conclusion." This, by the way, is what the
title refers to. Well, that's all I wanted to say. I'll shut up now and let
you read the story.
And That's a Wrap!
by Kevin Mickel
Hamton fidgeted nervously as he stood outside the junkyard
where Fifi's car was parked. "Why am I so nervous?" he thought.
"It's not like I've never asked her out before, and after the way she hugged me when
we won the Acme Bowl, I know she's interested, so why am I all worked up over this?"
Unable to figure out why he was so hesitant, Hamton looked down
at the little box that he had for her. "I hope she likes these things," he
thought as he strengthened his resolve and entered the junkyard. Making his way to Fifi's
car, he knocked timidly on the door and said, "Fifi? Are you home? It's
After a few seconds, the car door opened a little and Fifi said,
"Hamton! Come een. Eet eez good to see you."
Hamton breathed a sigh of relief, followed Fifi into her car, and
once she had shut the door behind them, he held out his package and said, "I, uhm,
got you a little something."
"Oh," said Fifi as she took the package, "how
sweet." Not wanting to appear too eager, she carefully removed the wrapping
paper and set it aside before removing the cover from the small cardboard box that had
been wrapped in it. When she saw what was in it, it was very hard for her not to
react. The box contained an Acme mini-dustbuster, complete with cigarette lighter
adapter, and a bottle of Acme Pretty Lady Deodorant. She looked up carefully from
the box to see Hamton
beaming at her with obvious affection in his eyes. "What do ah see een
heem?" she thought, and almost immediately the answer came to her. "The honesty,
the fact that he obviously cares for me, and the fact that he eez willing to try."
With these thoughts on her mind, a genuine smile formed on her
face, and she said, "Thank you, Hamton. Thees was really very thoughtful of
Hamton breathed a sigh of relief. "You're welcome,
Fifi. You don't know how much trouble I had in trying to pick those things out for
"Ah can imagine," said the pretty skunkette.
"So, how are you doing?"
"Oh, not bad. Uhm, Fifi. You know the
Valentine's Day Party at Acme Loo is tomorrow night. Would you like to go?"
"Ah would love to," said Fifi, and she meant it.
"But zat eez tomorrow. What are we going to do tonight, my little Piggy of
Passion?" and she reached around with the tip of her tail to playfully tickle his
Hamton couldn't help but giggle as she did that. "Oh,
well, uh, I heard that the Bijou theatre is showing a program of Pepe Le Pew's greatest
films tonight. Would you like to go?"
"Pepe Le Pew?" asked Fifi with excitement.
"Le sigh. Hamton, you sure know how to show a girl a good time."
"Does that mean you'd like to go?"
"Great!" said Hamton, and he grabbed the door handle to
push it open. "After you."
"Always a gentleman," said Fifi as she stepped outside.
"Well," said Hamton as he joined her after closing the
door, "I try," and he offered her his arm.
"Ah know," said Fifi as she wrapped her arm around his
elbow. "Eet eez one of your charms."
"Here you go, Shirl," said Plucky as he handed her a
large rectangular package. "Happy Valentine's Day."
"Like, thanks a lot, Plucky. This is totally sweet, or
Unwrapping her present, Shirley was surprised by what she saw. In an obviously
expensive frame, Plucky had given her a picture of himself. "Uhm, Plucky..." she
"Yeah, isn't it great?" he asked, cutting her
off. "Now in those horrible moments when we can't be together, instead of
having to pine away in solitude, you can gaze longingly at my picture." Then,
turning her hand a little so he could see the picture too, he added, "It really is a
good photo, don't you think? I had a copy of it blown up to poster size and tacked
it up on the inside of my closet door."
Shirley looked back and forth from Plucky to the picture.
After a few seconds of this, she sighed heavily and smashed it over his head, destroying
the photo and turning the frame into a strange collar around Plucky's neck.
"Gee, Shirl," said Plucky, sounding more than a little
groggy, "what did I do wrong?"
Turning her back to him, Shirley said, "Like, if you have to
ask, it's not even worth discussing."
"Does this mean you won't go with me to the Valentine's Day
Party tomorrow night?"
"Grrr!" said Shirley as she turned around.
"Don't push me, Duck. I'm mad enough as it is!"
"What?" asked Plucky with desperation. "Come
on, Shirl, how am I supposed to apologize if you won't tell me what I did to upset
Shirley shook her head and sighed. "Y'know, I like
you, Plucky, I really do, or some junk. You're a handsome, talented young duck, but
you can also be a real jerk, and I don't wanna have to deal with it anymore."
"Oh really?" asked Plucky as he pulled the picture
frame off of his head. "Well, it's not very easy for me to love you either,
Miss Loon. You expect me to be perfect. Well, I'm not. Yeah, I admit it, I've
got a huge ego. I'm also selfish, greedy, and somewhat of a coward, but I know what
I am and what I want. That's who and what I am, Shirl. You can either take it or
"Well, if that's gonna be your attitude, I'll just have to
leave it. In fact I..." Shirley stopped when she realized
something. "Like, what did you just say?"
"I said you can take it or leave it."
"No, before that."
Plucky waited for just a moment. "You heard me,"
he said calmly.
"Yeah, I did. Are you saying that you, like, love me,
or some junk?"
Plucky looked her straight in the eye and said, "I love you,
Shirley the Loon. Almost as much as I love myself."
Shirley closed her eyes and forced herself not to explode.
"He meant it as a compliment," she told herself. Opening her eyes, she
took a deep breath and said, "I love you too, Plucky, in spite of all your
faults. Or maybe it's because of them. After all, they make you who you
"Whew," said Plucky as he ran his hand across his
forehead. "Well, now that we've got that settled, maybe we can..."
"Plucky," interrupted Shirley, "shut up.
Just shut up and kiss me before you say something totally stupid and force me to smack
For the first time in his life, Plucky kept quiet, and then he
did what he was told.
Early the following morning, Babs was visiting Buster at his
rabbit hole. "Ah, Valentine's Day," said Babs as they sat next to each
other on the couch in Buster's living room. "A day of roses, chocolate, and
romance," and she reached out with her left ear to tickle Buster's right one.
"Cut it out, Babs," said Buster as he pushed aside her
ear. "I want to talk to you."
Sensing the seriousness in his voice, Babs pulled back her ear
and said, "Okay, what about?"
"Well, first of all, are you gonna go with me to the
Valentine's Day Party tonight?"
"Of course I am. Who else would I go with?"
"Well, there's always Hector Hare."
"Buster!" said Babs menacingly.
"Sorry, just kidding."
"I know. Hey, I've been meaning to ask you something
for a while now. You're our Student Body President. How come you schedule
parties for these events instead of dances?"
"Two words, Babsy; Junior Prom."
"I still don't get it," said Babs with confusion.
"You've learned to dance since then."
"True, but that doesn't change the fact that I made an
absolute idiot out of myself. Do you honestly think that I'm gonna remind people
about that by scheduling another dance anytime soon?"
"I guess not," said Babs thoughtfully. "I
should have realized that there was something more to it."
"Don't worry about it," said Buster. He paused
for just a moment then before saying, "Listen, I wanted to make sure that you're
gonna go with me tonight because, if it's all right with you, I'd like to use it to make
"What kind of an announcement?"
"A very important, very special one," said Buster as he
took ahold of her hand. "In three months, we graduate. Once we do, we
have to start living the rest of our lives, and I want us to live ours
together." Sliding down off the couch and onto one knee, he added, "Babs,
Barbara Anne, will you marry me?"
Babs was overjoyed to hear Buster's question. "One of
these days," had finally come. A broad smile formed on her face, and without
any hesitation she said, "Yes, I will."
Buster breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Reaching into his
pocket, he pulled out a tiny box. Opening it to reveal a diamond ring, he slid it on
to her finger and said, "Then I guess this is for you."
"It's beautiful, Buster," said Babs as he rejoined her
on the couch. "Where'd you get it?"
"It was my mom's."
"Your... Oh, Buster, I can't..."
"Shh. Yes you can. It's yours now, Babs.
Besides, my father insisted that I give it to you."
Babs looked down at the ring, and forced herself to accept the
idea that it was hers. After a few seconds, she looked up and said simply, "I
love you, Buster."
"I love you too, Babs," and he kissed her.
"'Scuse me," said Bugs suddenly. "But I take
it that everything went well?"
"Bugs!" said Babs with surprise as she broke out of
"Dad!" said Buster. "When'd you get
"About ten minutes ago, but the two of you were too busy to
"Ten minutes?" asked Buster as he looked at his
watch. "Whoa! Babs, I think we just set a new record."
"It does look dat way," said Bugs. "So, I
take it that everything went okay?"
"It did," said Babs, and she reached out her hand to
show him the ring.
A faint smile formed on Bugs's lips. "It looks good on
you, kid. She'd approve."
"Thanks," said Babs. "I'm glad you think
"I know so," said Bugs. "Well, it's still
early, and I've got plenty of time before I have to go to the airport. Whattaya say
we go celebrate together? I know a place where..."
Bugs was cut off as his beeper sounded. "Now
what?" he muttered as he checked the number in the display. Picking up the
phone, he dialed the Looniversity, and after a few seconds, he said, "Bugs here.
What's up, Doc?"
Bugs listened to whoever was on the other side of the phone for a
few seconds before hanging it up in disgust. "Sorry, kids. It seems dat
dere's an emoigency over at d'Loo that needs me attention. It's probably gonna take
all day to take care of it." He paused for just a moment then before handing
the keys to his Cadillac to Buster and saying, "Your cousin Clyde is coming in for a
visit. He's too young to tunnel, so he's flying in at 9 o'clock. I was gonna
pick him up myself, but now I won't be able to. Can you and Babs go and get him for
"Sure," said Buster as he took the keys.
"Just dis. Don't let Babs drive. I know what
she's capable of when she gets behind the wheel."
"Here," said Monty as he shoved a package into
Elmyra's hands. "Happy Valentine's day."
"Ewoo!" squealed Elmyra as she shook the package.
"What is it?"
With a frenzy of speed, she tore off the wrapping paper and
pulled the lid off the box to find a terrified Clyde Bunny bound and gagged inside of
it. Elmyra gasped with delight. "A Bunny!" she cried.
"Oh, Monty-wonty, I've always wanted a bunny-wunny!" Then, grabbing Monty
and squeezing him tightly, she added, "Thank you-wank you!"
"Er-uh, Elmyra," gasped Monty, "loosen the grip a
"Oops!" said Elmyra as she relaxed her death grip to a
friendly embrace. "Sorry-worry."
"Ah, it's okay, toots," said Monty as he returned the
embrace. "It's one of your more endearing quirks."
"Well I'm glad somebody thinks so," said Elmyra.
Stepping away from Monty then, she picked up Clyde by his ears and said to him, "I've
got a great little cagey-wagey for you down in my basement. Come on Monty, let's go
show the bunny-wunny his new homey-womey."
Swinging Clyde around by his ears and bashing him against the
walls as they went, Elmyra led Monty down to the basement where she kept her Acme Calamity
2000 Escape Proof Bunny Cage. Once they were there, she undid Clyde's bonds, and
dropping him into the cage she asked him, "Do you like your new home, cute little
"Please, lady," said Clyde, "let me go home."
"But, Bunny," said Elmyra as she picked him back up,
"you are home. You get to spend the rest of your life with Auntie Elmyra, and
I'm gonna hold you, and squeeze you, and love you all to pieces!"
As she said this, Elmyra squeezed Clyde so tightly that his eyes
grew to five times their normal size, and they nearly popped completely out of his head
before he passed out from a lack of oxygen. "Oh phoo!" said Elmyra with
disgust as she dumped his limp form back into the cage. "I hate it when they do
"Yeah, well, just keep this cage locked," said Monty as
he secured the hatch. "You don't want him to escape."
"No," agreed Elmyra, "I don't. Say, how'd
you catch this bunny-wunny, Honey? I've been trying for years without any
"You gotta know where and what to look for," said
Monty. "Trying to get ahold of Buster or Babs would bring the other to the
rescue, and trying to hold on to them both would cause more problems than it would be
"Yeah," said Elmyra glumly, "I know. I had
them both in here for a while, but... Oh, never mind."
Not sure of what it was that Elmyra was referring to, Monty said,
"Anyway, given the fact that it would be too difficult to hold onto those two, I
thought I'd try something different. I found this bunny at the airport earlier and
captured him as he was getting off of his plane. Some out of town bunny like him isn't
gonna have any local connections, so if you keep quiet, nobody'll ever even know that he's
here. Do that, and you should be able to keep him for a long time."
"I hope so," said Elmyra as she looked down at Clyde's
unconscious form. "Come on, let's let him get some sleep."
One they were back upstairs, Monty turned to Elmyra and said,
"Look, I've got some things I gotta do today, so I'd better get going. There's a
Valentine's Day party up at the Loo tonight, you wanna go?"
"Oh, Monty-wonty, I'd love to!"
"Great. I'll pick you up at 6:30. See you
"Okay, Snookums," said Elmyra as she led him to the
door. "See you tonight."
"Yeah, I'll see you later," and he gave her a quick
kiss before heading out to his waiting limo.
Elmyra sighed heavily as she watched him being driven away.
'That's my Monty," she whispered, and she went back inside.
Buster checked his watch. "9:30," he
muttered. "I don't get it. The plane landed half an hour ago, and all the
passengers have gotten off. We should have seen Clyde by now."
"You sound worried."
"I am. Something's not right, Babsy. Come on, I
wanna talk to someone who was on that plane."
Making their way to the ticket counter, Buster said to the agent,
"Excuse me, but I'd like to check on a passenger that was supposed to be on flight
307 from Brooklyn."
"Of course, sir. What was the passenger's name?"
"Just a second," said the agent, whose name badge
identified her as Kim, and she typed a few things on her keyboard. After a brief
pause, she said, "Okay, according to this, he did get on the plane in Brooklyn."
"Oh great," said Buster. "He never got off
here in Acme Acres."
"What do you mean?"
"We've been waiting for him at the gate since the plane
landed. He never came out."
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure," said Buster. "Don't
you think I'd recognize my own... My mentor's nephew when I saw him?"
"Your Mentor's nephew? Say, you're Buster and Babs
Bunny, aren't you?"
"No relation yet," they said automatically.
"Yeah," added Buster, "that's who we are.
But what about Clyde?"
Something clicked in her mind. "Clyde Bunny? Bugs
Bunny's nephew?" The alarm in her voice grew as she realized just how serious
this disappearance was. "Okay, let's not jump to conclusions. Maybe he
just got lost. Let me make a PA announcement for him. Hang on." Kim
picked up her phone then, and after dialing a special number, the PA system popped on and
she said, "Attention, please. Attention, please. Would Clyde Bunny please
report to the nearest ticket booth and have the agent there call 3452? Clyde Bunny
please report to the nearest ticket booth and have the agent call 3452. Thank
Hanging up the phone, Kim looked at Buster and said, "That
was heard all over the airport. If Clyde is anywhere here, we'll find him for you
"Yeah," said Buster. "But what if he's not
A look of intense concern formed on Kim's face. Picking up
her phone, she reactivated the PA and said, "Security, please report to ticket stand
177. Security to stand 177."
It took only a few seconds for a security guard to arrive.
"What's the matter, Kim?" asked the guard.
"We've got a missing boy bunny on our hands, Wally.
I've confirmed that he got on the plane in Brooklyn, but he never came out the gate
"Really? When did his flight land?"
Wally checked his watch. "Only fourty-five minutes
ago?" he asked, sounding very annoyed. "We can't do anything until he's
been missing for at least two hours. Call me at 11:00," and he started to walk
"Wally, wait!" called Kim. "You don't
understand. The kid that's missing, it's Clyde Bunny."
"You know, Bugs Bunny's nephew!"
"Is that supposed to impress me? I don't get paid
enough to be impressed. Bugs may be the most important rabbit in Acme Acres, but
officially his nephew can't be missing for another hour and fifteen minutes. If he
hasn't shown up by then, call me and we'll fill out a missing bunny report. Until
then, don't bother me. After all, he's just another missing rabbit."
This was too much for Buster. "Hold it, pal!" he
said menacingly, and he grabbed his necktie and yanked it down hard so that Wally was
forced to bend over so Buster could look him in the eye. "First of all, Clyde
Bunny is not just another missing rabbit. He's my cousin, and if you don't do
something to help me find him, I can guarantee that once you recover from the injuries
that my girlfriend and I are about to inflict upon your person, that you will never hold
down a job in Acme Acres again. Bugs Bunny isn't just important around here, he's
powerful. I'm sure that the airport would rather cut you loose than suffer his
wrath. You got me?"
"Uh," gasped Wally, "it's awful hard to breathe in
"I don't care about that. I care about Clyde.
Now are you gonna help me, or do Babs and I make you regret that you were ever born?"
Out of the corner of his eye, Wally could see Babs spinning
around, transforming herself into a GROW. (Gorgeous Rabbit Of Wrestling) "Lemme at
'im, Buster," she snarled through her clenched teeth. "I haven't taken
anyone apart for a long time now."
"Oboy," gasped Wally. "Okay, you win, I'll
start a search for your cousin."
"That's better," said Buster as he released him.
"So, what are you gonna do?"
Still looking a little frightened, Wally unclipped his radio from
his belt, and said into it, "Unit seven to all units. We have a missing child
on our hands. A young rabbit, name of Clyde Bunny. If you find him, please
report in immediately." Putting his radio back onto his belt-clip, he asked
Buster, "Is that good enough?"
"It's a start," said Buster. "Now I want to
see your surveillance tapes for the area between the plane and the gate."
Wally opened his mouth to protest, but when he heard Babs crack
her knuckles, he said, "Alright, follow me."
He took them to the main security office, and pointing to a
couple of chairs, he said "Have a seat. It'll take me a few minutes to get what
As Wally left, Babs spun herself back to normal and said,
"Man, what an ultra-maroon."
"No kiddin'," said Buster, he sounded distant.
"Hey," said Babs, "take it easy. We'll find
Buster forced himself to smile. "Yeah, I know."
Just then, Wally returned. "Okay," he said as he
switched on the overhead TV and turned it channel 3, "I've set the tape to show up
here. If Clyde was on the plane, we should see him."
Buster and Babs watched apprehensively as a grainy black and
white picture filled the TV screen. A workcrew pushed a rolling staircase up to the
door of an airplane, and then its door opened and the passengers started to file
out. After a few seconds, a young rabbit could be seen coming down the stairs.
"Look," said Babs, "there's Clyde."
"Yeah," said Buster guardedly. "But where
did he go?"
The two rabbits watched intently as Clyde came down the stairs.
What they saw next shocked them, and confirmed Buster's worst fears. Soon after Clyde got
to the ground, one of the workers that had pushed the stairs up to the plane grabbed him
by the ears and quickly disappeared out of the camera's field of view.
"I knew it!" shouted Buster as he sprang to his feet,
"he's been bunny-napped!"
"But by who?" asked Babs. "That guy's face
was never visible. How are we gonna find him?"
"I think you should leave that to us," said
Wally. "Obviously, a crime has been committed here. You should leave the
investigation to be handled by someone who's capable of doing it right."
"I agree," said Buster. "So that pretty much
rules you and your fellow wannabes out! Come on Babs, I've got a plan."
Grabbing Babs by the arm, Buster ran as fast as he could with her
back to where he had parked Bugs's Cadillac. "Here," he said as he tossed
her the keys, "we need to get to the Looniversity, fast!"
"But, Buster," said Babs with hesitation, "Bugs
"Don't worry about it. You can get us back to the Loo
a lot quicker than I can."
Knowing that Buster had a point, Babs jumped into the car and
started the engine. "Whoa!" she exclaimed when she heard the deep roar
that it made. Looking to Buster, she asked simply, "V8, right?"
"Uh-huh. MUCH more power than your Mom's K-car, and
better construction too."
"Right!" said Babs with enthusiasm, and a huge grin
formed on her face. She dropped the car into gear and hit the gas. Ignoring
the red light at the parking lot's exit, and smashing an unfortunate Yugo into the
embankment, she headed for the Looniversity. It didn't take her long to have all
eight cylinders firing at full tilt, and the speedometer was instantly pinned all the way
to the right. Zooming along at somewhere well beyond 120 mph, Babs swerved across
the highway and onto the Looniversity's exit ramp, ignored the red light at the
bottom of it, and continued on to her destination.
Laying on the horn, she sent a crossing guard scurrying for
cover, and when the driver of another Yugo had the audacity to assume that she would heed
the yield sign in front of her, she slammed into him, knocking the tiny Eastern-block
vehicle into the parking lot of "Ed's Okay Used Cars." Babs looked up into
her rearview mirror to see whom she assumed was Ed replacing the sign with one that said,
"Ed's Junkyard," before the lot was lost from view. "Hang on,
Buster!" she shouted, "we're almost there!"
She ran through a third red light, cut the steering wheel hard to
the left to go around a huge block of traffic by cutting through Acme Park, sending
everyone in it running for the hills in terror, jumped back onto the road and weaved her
way around a few final miscellaneous potholes, pedestrians, open manholes and other road
hazards before calmly pulling up in front of Acme Looniversity. Thirty-five seconds
had elapsed since they left the airport, and as she turned off the motor, she looked over
at Buster and said with a grin, "And best of all, it's a Cadillac."
Buster, who had kept his eyes shut for the entire ride to avoid
going crazy, said simply, "Rope it in, Babs. The fun's over."
Babs nodded solemnly, and got out of the car.
"Wow!" she said as she looked at the spot she had used to push the Yugos out of
"Not even a scratch!"
"Of course not," said Buster as he took the keys back
from her. "The paint on this thing is thicker than the steel on those dinky little
imports. Come on, we don't have a lot of time."
Buster led Babs to his locker and when he had opened it, Babs
smiled inwardly at the picture of herself that was taped up inside of the door, but she
said nothing. As Buster rummaged around in his locker for whatever it was that he
was looking for, he said to Babs, "You know how difficult it can be to find people
around here on Saturdays," and he pulled a device out of his locker that was no
bigger than the palm of his hand, "but with this little thing, it'll be a snap."
"What is it?"
"An Acme Tiny Toon Locator Device. When we first went
into production, they gave it to me in case I ever needed to get ahold of one of our
co-stars in a hurry to reshoot a scene or something."
"Does it work?"
"I don't know. I've never tried it before now."
"Uhm, Buster, are you sure it's safe to use that
"What other choice do we have?"
Babs gritted her teeth. "Good point," she
admitted. "Alright. Do it."
"Uh, not just yet. I think we should talk to Bugs
Babs bit her upper lip in resignation. "Yeah, I think
When they got to his office, Buster said to Babs, "Why don't
you wait out here while I talk to him?"
"No way, Buster," and she held up her left hand in
front of his face. Pointing at the ring on her finger she said, "This gives me the
right to go with you, no matter what."
Buster couldn't help but smile. "Okay," he
said. "Let's go."
With that, Buster knocked on the door, and almost at once they
heard Bugs call, "Come in."
Buster opened the door and he and Babs went into the
office. Bugs was hunched over his desk working on some papers. "Oh hi,
kids," he said when he saw them. "Did you pick up Clyde okay?"
Buster nodded at Babs who closed the door. "No,
Dad," said Buster once she had done so. "We didn't."
The tone in Buster's voice, and the fact that he had called him
Dad while somewhere other than at home, told Bugs that something was very wrong.
"What's da matter?" he asked. "You didn't wreck me Caddy, did
"I almost wish I had,"said Buster. "There's
no easy way say this. Clyde's been kidnapped."
The looks on Buster and Babs faces made it very clear that they
weren't joking. "Okay," said Bugs very seriously. "I'm gonna
get on the phone with da cops. I assume you also have a plan of your own?"
"Alright, get to it," and he picked up the phone.
Buster and Babs turned to go, but before he could open the door,
Bugs said, "Son."
Buster turned back around. "Yeah?"
"We'll find him, one way or another. I know you're
concerned, so am I. But I also know this; it's not your fault. Don't tear
yourself up thinking that it is."
"I won't," said Buster as he nodded his head.
Then, feeling better than he had all morning, he said, "Come on, Babs, we've got work
Leaving Bugs's office, Buster took out the Toon Locator and said
to Babs, "You ready?"
"Ready as I'll ever be. Let's go."
With just a hint of trepidation, Buster typed a few things onto
the Locator's keypad, and taking a deep breath, he hit the button marked,
The next thing they knew, Buster and Babs were someplace else.
"Well," said Babs, "something's happened. But where are we?"
"I dunno," said Buster as he looked around, and as he
did so, a sinking feeling flowed over him. "Babs," he said calmly,
"whatever you do, don't look down." With that, and being very careful to
keep his eyes fixed on Babs, he squatted down to feel the ground at his feet with his
hand, but he felt nothing. Standing back up, he put his hands on Babs shoulders and
said, "We have a problem."
"What?" asked Babs, and allowing her curiosity to get
the better of her, she looked down. "Oh," she said calmly as she looked
back at Buster. Then she added, "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" and plummeted
towards the ground.
"Oh well," thought Buster, "I may as well join
her," and he looked down after her, and started to fall.
Up on a secluded cliff top overlooking Acme Acres, Plucky and
Shirley sat in the front seat of his convertible enjoying the view. "Like, this
is totally great, Plucky. We've been up here for almost two hours, and you haven't
said or done anything disgusting, or some junk."
"Yeah, well, believe me, Shirl, it hasn't been easy.
The only thing that's kept me quiet is knowing that I'll be better off if I stay on your
Shirley started to respond, but before she could say anything,
first Babs, and then Buster fell down on top of them. "Ewwww," said
Shirley once she had recovered, "mondo-dragola, it's, like, raining rabbits, or some
"Sorry, Shirl," said Babs as she gasped for breath,
"but we decided to drop in on you."
"Yeah," said Buster as he pulled Plucky's foot out of
his mouth. "We need your help."
"You bunnies need help all right," said Plucky, whose
voice was laced with sarcasm, and just a hint of anger, "but there's nothing that I
can do for you. Thanks a lot, Buster. Your timing, as always, is
As Plucky said this, Babs realized were they were.
"Shirley?" she asked with surprise.
"Like, chill out, Babs. You and Buster aren't the only
ones who have a thing going, y'know."
"Are you saying that Plucky has suddenly become less
"Not on your lives, Babs. Let's just say that we're
working around it, or some junk."
"Yeah, right," said Buster. "Look, Babs, you
and Shirley can compare notes later. Right now though, we've got more important
things to deal with."
"Whoa!" said Shirley. "I'm getting, like,
mega-stressfull vibes from you, Buster. What's the matter?"
"This morning, Babs and I went to the airport to pick up
Bugs Bunny's nephew Clyde."
"So, like, what happened."
"He's been kidnapped. And I have no idea by
whom. I need you guys to help me find him."
"Say no more, pal," said Plucky with confidence.
"We'll help you."
Spinning around to change costumes he said, "between my experiences as the Toxic
Revenger," and he spun around again, "Batduck," and he spun around one more
time, "and Pluck Twacy, world famous de-tec-a- tive, there's no crime that I can't
solve, and no criminal that I can't apprehend. So, where's the scene of the
"I'm gonna regret this," thought Buster, but he said
nothing. After a few seconds he said, "Come on, I'll take you there now."
The four friends returned to the airport, and after watching the
surveillance tape, they went down to the tarmac to search for clues. Unfortunately, they
couldn't find any. "I'm sorry, Buster," said Plucky as he put away his
hat, "but it's kind of hard to find the crooks when you've got nothing to go
on. Hey, waitaminute! Shirley! Maybe you could find something."
"You know, use that psychic mumbo jumbo stuff of yours to
figure out where Clyde's been taken."
"Uhm, well, I'll give it a try, or some junk, but I don't
have much to, like, work on."
"What do you mean?" asked Buster.
"Well, I know where Clyde was last seen, and that's
something, but it's not much. I could really use something that belongs to him or,
well, oh never mind."
"No," asked Buster, "what?"
"Well, since we haven't got anything of Clyde's, the next
best thing would be, like, something from a relative of his. Y'know, like some
hairs, or some junk."
Buster hesitated for just a second. Glancing first at Babs,
he asked, "Any relative?"
"Well, the closer the relation the better. But it
would take totally too long to go find Bugs and then get back here again. The
trail'd be to cold for me to pick up anymore. I'll just have to make do with what
"No you won't," said Buster. Reaching up, he
plucked a couple of hairs from off his head, and handing them to Shirley he said,
"Like, I don't get it, Buster. What good will these do
"Clyde's my cousin," said Buster calmly. "Is
that close enough of a relation?"
"Like, it should be, or some junk. But, if Clyde is
your cousin, doesn't that make Bugs..." and her voice trailed off as she couldn't
bring herself to say it.
"My father," finished Buster for her.
"Whoa!" said Plucky. "Hold the phone!
Buster, are you serious? Are you saying that those rumors are true? Is Bugs Bunny
really your dad?"
"He is. But that's not important right now. All
that matters is..."
"Like heck it's not important," interrupted
Plucky. "Buster, we graduate in three months. If we don't land those
theatrical shorts contacts with Warner Bros. our careers are as good as over. Do you
think you could get your dad to put in a good word for me with the studio execs?
After all, with both Daffy and Bugs on my side I'd be sure too..."
Plucky was cut off as Buster reached out and clamped his beak
shut. Looking at Babs he said, "Now you know why we kept it a secret."
Babs only nodded.
Shirley looked at Babs with amazement. "You
Babs nodded. "He told me not too long ago, when Daffy
tried to take over the Loo using his Bug's Bunny costume."
Shirley nodded her understanding, while at the same time giving
Babs a friendly, "We're gonna talk about this later," look, before turning her
attention to the problem of finding Clyde.
Standing on the spot where Clyde was just before he'd been
grabbed, Shirley closed her hand tightly around Buster's hairs and began to
concentrate. "I'm getting something," she said after a few seconds.
"It's like, very faint, uhm, hang on, it's, uh, oh yeah, here it comes, it's,
it's... Money!" Shirley paused for a few seconds before repeating,
"Money?" She sounded very confused. "Like, I don't get it, or
Plucky reached up and pried Buster's hand off his beak.
"But I do," he said. "Whenever something goes wrong in Acme Acres and
money's involved, who is always responsible? Montana Max, that's who."
"You're right," said Babs. "But what would
Monty want with Clyde?"
"Beats me, Babs," said Plucky, and ten thousand beets
dropped from the sky to land on his head.
Crawling out from under the pile of fresh vegetables, Plucky
gasped, "When will I learn?" Looking up at Babs, he said, "I mean, I
don't know. You're gonna have to figure that one out for yourself."
"You're right," said Buster with enthusiasm.
"That must be it. Thanks a lot, Pluckster, you've hit the nail right on the
"Ah, don't mention it," said Plucky as he finally
dragged himself out from under the beets. "So, are you gonna head over to
Monty's and look for the kid?"
Buster looked at Babs and smiled mischievously. "We're
not," he said. Then, he and Babs said together, "The Vanderbunnys
Monty was busy polishing his collection of wheat pennies, when
he heard his door bell ring. "Ah'm comin'," he shouted in disgust as he
headed for the door. "Whattaya want?" he shouted as he pulled it open to
see Buster and Babs all decked out in their Vanderbunny suits, which of course, meant that
he didn't recognize them.
"Oh, MaxaMILLION," said Buster, "you DO say the
strangest things. How are you, old boy?"
"Huh?" asked Monty. "Who're you?"
"Oh, Max!" said Babs as she slapped him hard on the
shoulder. (So hard that his eyes bulged out of their sockets for a couple of
seconds.) "Don't you remember?" she gushed. "Biff and Buffy
Vanderbunny! How could you forget the time we went for the ride in Monte Carlo to sling
mud into the faces of the poor folk?"
"Oh, uh, yeah," lied Monty. "Now I
remember. So, what brings you to Acme Acres?"
"Oh, Max, Max! MAX!!" said Buster as he and Babs pushed
their way past him into the mansion. "You are the forgetful one, aren't you?
You told us that you were working on a plan to rid the world of non- wealthy
rabbits. We thought this was just a grand idea, and we wanted to talk to you about
investing in the project."
"I did?" asked Monty with confusion, but then he
quickly added, "Oh yeah, I remember now. So, how much were you thinking of
"Oh just oodles and oodles of cash," said Buster.
"Show him, Buffy dear."
"Of course, Biffkins," and she opened her clutch purse,
and instantly a bundle of cash the size of a bale of hay popped out of it.
Monty's eyes turned into dollar signs, and he started to drool
uncontrollably as he looked at the pile of wealth that had just appeared before him.
"We thought this might do for a start," said Babs as
she stuffed the money back into her purse. "Would it be enough?"
"Oh, definitely," said Monty. "I'm sure that
with that kind of an investment that I could finally get the project out of R&D and
into production and deployment."
"I'm sure you could," said Buster. "Of
course, we'd have to see your operation first. Take a look at what you've done so
far, examine any rabbits you've already dealt with and such to make sure that you're
progressing in the direction that we'd want you to go."
"Oh," said Monty, sounding a little embarrassed.
"I'm afraid that wouldn't be possible. You see, everything is still in the
developmental stages. I haven't even eliminated a single rabbit yet."
Babs started to laugh. "Oh but, MONTY!" she said
hysterically, "don't be so modest. Surely you must have eliminated at least one
rabbit by now, to at least test your theories? I mean, how hard could it be to test
them on just one poor rabbit? Even a small, young one would suffice."
"Gee," said Monty with genuine sincerity, "I'm
sorry, but I haven't. In fact, until you came along with your investment, the whole
project was on the back burner. Believe me, if I had anything to try out, I'd've
done so by now. There are two very irritating rabbits here in Acme Acres that I'd
love to eliminate, but up until now, I haven't had the funds necessary to do the
Both Buster and Babs could tell that Monty was being honest with
them, and that surprised them as it was the first time they could remember his ever doing
so. "Well," said Buster with disappointment, "I'm afraid that just
won't do. We had thought you had something that you could show us. But, since
"No, no," said Monty, cutting him off. "You
misunderstand. I do have something to show you. It's just not as far along as
you thought it was."
Buster and Babs exchanged a look of surprise, and then Babs said,
"Well then by all means, do show us your operation."
"With pleasure," said Monty with enthusiasm.
Monty led Buster and Babs to the security wing of his
mansion. "It's in here," he explained as he pressed his thumb up against
the electronic locking device.
"Access granted," said a computerized device, and the
huge door swung open.
Monty then led them into a huge laboratory where dozens of
scientists were busy working. "Ooooh!" said the two rabbits together in
pretend astonishment. "What is all this?"
"This," said Monty with pride, "is my ultimate
weapon for exterminating poor rabbits. Now, with the help of your investment, I can
get it out of the developmental stage and into deployment."
"Fascinating," said Buster, hiding his concern.
"So, how DOES it work?"
"Over here," said Monty, "I'll show you," and
he took them over to the main computer terminal. Babs nudged Buster and casually
pointed up at a poster of her and Buster that was tacked up on the wall over a large,
strange looking machine. In big red letters printed across their faces were the
words, "Main Objectives For Eradication."
"I say, Monty, old bean," said Buster as he looked at
the poster, "THOSE are your primary objectives?"
"They sure are. Those two have given me so many
problems over the years that I will take great delight in finally destroying them once I
get this system on line."
"Do tell," gushed Babs, fighting all the while to
conceal her nervousness. "How will you do it?"
"I'm glad you asked," said Monty. Turning to the
technician who was busy working at the terminal, he said, "George, these are my
friends the Vanderbunnys. Would you mind powering up to give them a
"Sure, boss," said George, and he activated the system.
"Scanning for objectives," said a tinny computer
voice. There was a brief pause and then the voice said, "Objectives
located." Suddenly a pair of giant mechanical hands flowed out of the machine
and promptly tore the poster to shreds. The hands brushed themselves off, and the
machine said, "Scanning for objectives."
"So what is it doing now?" asked Buster.
"Making sure that there are no more targets. Once it
does it'll sound all clear and deactivate."
"I see," said Buster. "How does it..."
"Objectives located," said the computer again, and the
mechanical hands started towards Buster and Babs.
"Quick," shouted Monty. "Cut the power,
"Run!" shouted Buster, and he and Babs leapt aside just
as the hands smashed down on the spot where they had been standing. Both hands
snapped their fingers then, and they each went after one of the rabbits.
"I can't shut it off!" screamed George.
"Once it's locked onto a target, we can't shut it down!"
That was all Buster needed to hear. "Oh
Buffykins!" he called to Babs, who was currently on the other side of the lab.
"Come this way!" and he started to run towards her.
The two rabbits charged at each other at top speed, with the
mechanical hands close behind them. Then, at the last possible second, they jumped
aside to avoid crashing into one another. The hands though, being simple mechanical
devices, could not match this maneuver, and they slammed full force into each other,
destroying themselves in the process.
"NO!!!!!" shouted Monty in disgust.
"QUICK! PULL THE PLUG BEFORE..."
But it was too late. Even as he shouted his instructions,
the feedback created by the hands destroying themselves started working its way through
the system. The whole thing began to short circuit, burst into flames, fall to
pieces, or otherwise self-destruct. In a matter of seconds, the entire system was
reduced to a roomful of smoldering
Monty stared at it all in disbelief. "It's
ruined," he mumbled "Three years of research, millions of dollars, all
down the drain. And why?" he asked as he turned menacingly towards
George. "Because YOU couldn't program it to tell the difference between a rich
rabbit and a poor one!"
"You're quite right," said Buster as he helped Babs
up. "I'm sorry, Max, but if you can't design your products to perform properly,
then I'm afraid that we'll have to invest our money elsewhere."
"No, wait!" said Monty in desperation. "I'm
sure we can work out the problems."
"Maybe you can," agreed Buster. "But not
with our money, I'm afraid. Come Buffy, I understand there's a mouse interested in
eliminating rabbits in the next town. We'll go talk to him. Don't bother to
show us out, Monty. We know the way."
As Buster and Babs left the laboratory and headed for the front
door, they could hear Monty exploding at his technicians in a fit of rage. Once they were
safely out of the mansion and had shed their Vanderbunny get-ups for their regular attire,
Babs said, "Well, I wouldn't wanna be one of Monty's scientists right now."
"Me either," said Buster unemotionally.
"Hey, what gives? We probably just saved our
"I know. But we still haven't found Clyde. I
don't get it, Babs. If Shirley and Plucky were right, and Monty was behind the
kidnapping, why did he do it? He obviously didn't use him to test out that
contraption of his."
"I dunno," said Babs. "Maybe he...
Well... Maybe... I'm sorry, Buster. I just don't know."
"Neither do I," said Buster. "Come on, let's
head back to the Looniversity and check in with Bugs. Maybe we can figure something
Neither of them said much of anything as they made their way back
to town, and all the way, Buster wracked his brains trying to figure out what they might
have missed, but no ideas came to him.
"Hey look," said Babs as they walked past a TV
store. "There's a picture of Clyde on the television!"
"Hmm," said Buster when he saw it. "I wonder
what they're saying."
Going over to the store, they could hear someone's voice saying
over Clyde's picture, "Once again, Clyde Bunny, Bugs Bunny's nephew, has been
kidnapped." The image on the screen dissolved then to the airport's security
tape, and the voice said, "This footage, taken by airport security cameras, shows the
actual crime as it took place." Right after the shot of whoever was
grabbing Clyde was played, the image cut back to the anchorman, who said, "We are now
going to join reporter Walter Andrews, who is standing by at Acme Looniversity,
where Bugs Bunny has called a press conference to talk about his nephew's abduction.
The image on the screen cut to that of another reporter, who
said, "Thank you, Fred. Any minute now, we expect Bugs Bunny to come out and
make a statement concerning... Wait a moment. Here comes Bugs now. Let's
hear what he has to say."
The camera zoomed in on Bugs then, who said, "As you all
know, my nephew Clyde has been kidnapped. Now, I'm not one to play with woids, so
I'll get right t'the point. Anyone who can produce information that leads to me
nephew's safe retoin can expect to be substantially rewarded. Now, are dere any
The camera zoomed back out again to reveal a room full of
reporters. One of them stepped forward and said, "Felix Messmer, Acme
Gazzette. Mr. Bunny, can you tell us anything about the investigations that are
going on to locate young Clyde?"
"Sure. In addition to a full scale police
investigation, my protege, Buster Bunny, is conducting an independent investigation with
da help of some of his friends. I'm confidant dat if the police don't find anything
that Buster will. Uhm, Walter, you had a question?"
"Yes, Walter Andrews, channel 8 Eye-witless news. Mr.
Bunny. In regards to Buster, for a long time now, certain rumors regarding your
relationship to him have been circulating around Acme Acres, but as there was no evidence
to substantiate them, they have not been given any credence. However, one of the
security guards at the airport told us that when he was looking for him there that he
heard Buster Bunny refer to Clyde as, 'my cousin.' We also have the statements of a
close friend of Buster's, who spoke with us on a condition of anonymity, that Buster
admitted to being your son. Would you care to comment on
Both Buster and Babs were shocked by the reporter's question.
"Plucky," muttered Buster with disgust as he grabbed ahold of Babs hand and
squeezed it hard. "Well, Dad," he whispered, "what are you gonna
Bugs too was caught off-guard by the question, and it was several
seconds before he answered. Very calmly, he said, "Buster Bunny is my
son. When he was first preparing to attend the Loo, we decided together that it
would be best for him to attend anonymously. But that is not what this press
conference was called for. My nephew Clyde has been kidnapped, and I want him
found. I have nothing more to say at this time."
With that, Bugs left the podium and retreated back into his
office, ignoring various calls of, "Mr. Bunny! Wait! What about..."
"Well," said Babs as the anchorman returned to discuss
what had just happened, "your secret's out."
"Yeah," said Buster glumly. "I know."
"Do you think Bugs'll be upset with you?"
"No. It was really more my idea than his anyway.
Come on," he added as he glanced at his watch, "now I really wanna go talk to
As they made their way to the Looniversity, they passed by a
badminton court where Arnold was attempting to teach a few people the finer points of the
game. "Now listen up, you weakling type persons. This game is very simple,
no? So simple that even you can understand it. All you have to do is hit the
birdie over the net with your racket. Once you do that..."
"HIT the birdie?!?" gasped Elmyra with horror.
"Are you crazy?
Why would anyone want to hit a cute little birdie-wirdie?" With that, she
snatched the birdie away from Arnold and added, "We have to squeeze it, and hug it,
and shower it with LOVE!" and she began to do so.
In that very instant, though it was only inanimate rubber and
plastic, the birdie came to life and screamed so loudly that Elmyra's eardrums momentarily
popped out of her head. Then when it could scream no longer, and terrified at the
prospect of life as one of Elmyra's pets, it committed the ultimate act of self-defense by
exploding in her hands, knocking her hair around backwards and covering her whole body
with black soot.
"Ewoo," gasped Elmyra, feeling very groggy, "I
think I'll go home now, bye."
Buster and Babs both tensed up as Elmyra left the badminton court
and headed towards them on her way home. She was still so dazed however, that she
didn't seem to notice the two rabbits as she walked past them. More than a little
surprised, and unsure of why she felt compassionate, Babs called to her and said,
"Hey, Elmyra. Are you all right?"
"Huh?" she asked as she turned around. "Oh,
I'm all right Bunny-wunny. I'd love to stay and talk, but right now I just wanna go
home. My brain hurts."
Babs just couldn't resist. She did a quick spin around into
a doctor's uniform, and placeing her hand on Elmyra's forehead she appeared thoughtful for
a second and said, "Hmmm. It will have to come out!"
"Uh-heh-heh," stammered Elmyra, not realizing what Babs
had just said, and she turned to go home.
Spinning back to herself, Babs said, "Now that's odd."
"No kiddin'. Even dazed like that, I'm surprised that
she could fight the impulse to try and capture us. Why, I'd almost say that she has
another..." Buster's voice trailed off as a thought occurred to him.
"That's it!" he said suddenly. I should have known."
"Known what?" asked Babs.
"It's so obvious. After his love of money and his
desire to destroy you and me, what else does Montana Max care about?"
"Well, Elmyra, I guess."
"Exactly," said Buster. "Babs, don't you see
it? Monty kidnapped Clyde to give him to Elmyra for a pet!"
"Oh, no!" said Babs with terror, realizing that it all
made perfect sense. "Buster, we've got to get him away from her. But
how? If she's got him in that same cage she had us locked in once, it'll be almost
impossible to get him out. But besides that, how do we get into Elmyra's house in
the first place without getting grabbed ourselves?"
"Hmmm," said Buster thoughtfully. "I think
I've got it," he said after a moment and he pulled out his Acme Tiny Toon Locator
"Oh no," said Babs. "Not that thing
"Don't worry, Babs," said Buster with confidence.
"I've made an adjustment to the circuits."
"Well, okay," she answered guardedly. "Do
Buster's only response was to type a few things onto the keypad
and hit the activate button.
Darkness. Buster and Babs found themselves in total
darkness. It was so total that they couldn't even see each others eyeballs.
They also couldn't move, and the smell of dirt was powerful in their nostrils. "Bstr,
r ee ndr grnd?"
"Fnk soo. Cm nn, tr t brro uhp."
Using all of their inborn rabbit burrowing abilities, they were
eventually able to force their way above the surface of the ground, which, as it turned
out, was only a couple of inches above them anyway.
"Whew," said Babs once they were free of the
Earth. "Buster, do me a favor. Lose that thing."
"I think I will. But, at least it's gotten us to where
we wanna be."
Babs turned around. They were in Hamton's front lawn.
"Another plan?" she asked.
"Sorta. Come on."
Buster led Babs up to Hamton's house and knocked on the door.
After a few seconds, his mother opened it, and when she saw who was there, she said,
"Oh, Buster and Babs Bunny. What a surprise. We just saw the news
conference, Buster. I'm so sorry about your cousin."
Buster forced himself to smile. "Uh, thanks, Mrs.
Pig. Is Hamton home? We need his help to rescue Clyde."
"Just a moment, Buster. I'll go get him for
you." She retreated into the house then, and after a few seconds she returned
with Hamton. "Now remember, Hammy. I don't mind you helping your friends, but
be careful, and don't do anything dangerous."
"Yes, Mom," said Hamton wearily as she closed the door
behind them. "Hi, Buster," he said once she was gone. "Mom says
you need my help?"
"Sure do, Hamton. And Fifi's too. Can you get
ahold of her?"
"No problem. So, what's the plan?"
Hamton stood nervously at Elmyra's front door and swallowed
hard. Taking one last look over at the bushes to confirm that everyone was ready, he
reached out and rang the doorbell.
After a few seconds, Elmyra opened the door. She looked
normal, for Elmyra, again, and seeing Hamton she said with disgust, "Ewoo, ick. A
dirty stinky piggy-wiggy. What do you want?"
"Uhm, Elmyra, could you come outside for a second?
There's something out here you should see. Something cute."
"Something cute! Outta my way, Piggy, I wanna see
it!" and she pushed her way passed Hamton out onto the doorstep. "Where is
it?" she demanded.
"Over in the bushes," he said calmly. Then as
Elmyra turned towards them, he shouted, "Now, Fifi!"
Without warning, Fifi popped up put of the bushes, and wielding
her tail Rambo style, she sent a barrage of skunk fumes hurling towards Elmyra, who
instantly lost consciousness do to the overpowering fragrance.
It took a few seconds for the fumes to dissipate, and once they
had, Buster, Babs and Fifi joined Hamton on the doorstep, where he was standing over
Elmyra's sleeping form. "Good shooting, Fifi," said Hamton as they
approached. "She should be out for hours."
"Theeoretically, yes," said Fifi as she stood by his
side, and she swung her tail around to point it at Elmyra's nose. "But weeth
her, anytheeng eez poseeble. Ah weel keep her covaired while you go and search for
your cousin, Buster."
"Good idea. Come on, Babs, let's go."
"Right," said Babs, and she started to follow Buster
inside. Before she went in though, she looked over at Hamton and asked him,
"Say, how did you survive that?"
Hamton only smiled and said, "When you start dating a skunk,
you learn to hold your breath for a long time."
"Oh stop," said Fifi with a grin. "You are,
how you say, embarrassing me."
Finally leaving Hamton and Fifi to stand guard over Elmyra,
Buster and Babs made their way into the house. Grabbing Buster's hand and squeezing
it tightly, Babs said, "Let's be quick about this, Buster. I don't like this
"Me either," said Buster. "Uh, Babs, if you
squeeze my hand any harder, you're gonna break it."
"Oh," said Babs as she loosened her grip a little,
"It's okay. I'm a little nervous myself. Come
on, the basement's this way."
The two rabbits made their way over to the door that opened to
the basement stairs, and carefully opened it. With extreme caution, so as to not set
off any automatic alarms or anti-escape devices, they slowly went down the stairs and into
the room where Elmyra kept her bunny cage. In it, huddled over in the corner, and
looking extremely bored, was Clyde Bunny.
"Clyde!" called Buster when he saw him. "Are
you all right?"
"Buster!" shouted Clyde as he turned to see him.
"You found me!"
"It wasn't easy, Kid. Take it easy. We'll have
you outta there in a minute."
"Be careful," said Clyde, his voice full of concern,
"this thing is electrified or something."
"I know, Kid. We've been here before. Well,
Babs, you're the one who knows how to work the thing. Get him outta there."
"Hang on," said Babs, and she went over to the cage's
control panel, and quickly shut the whole system down. "Okay," she said,
"it's off. Get Clyde and let's get the heck out of here before our red-headed host
"No need to tell me that twice," said Buster as he
opened the cage's lid and lifted Clyde out of it. "You okay, Kid?" he
"I am now," said Clyde. "Who is that Elmyra
"It's a long story, Clyde. I'll tell ya about it
later. But right now, let's get outta here."
Without any further delay, the three rabbits started back up the
steps, but before they had made it halfway to the top, they were greeted by a terrifying
"Oh no you don't," she chided them. "You
bunny-wunnies are gonna stay right here!"
"AAUGH!!!" cried Buster, Babs and Clyde all at once.
"How'd you get past Fifi?" asked Buster.
"I'm not as dumb as I look," said Elmyra.
"I've had a run in with that stinky-kitty before, you know. Ever since then
I've been prepared in case I ever had to face her again. Once I recovered from her
initial attack, I played possum for a while, and then when her guard was down, I hit her
with this!" and she held up an empty tomato juice drink box. "And now, my
cute little hippity-hops, I'm gonna make sure that..."
Elmyra was cut off as a full force skunk blast hit her square in
the back, and she immediately fell into a state of blissful unconsciousness. At the top of
the stairs, Fifi stood holding her tail and casually blew the last bit of odor away from
its tip. "Come on," she called to the rabbits, "let's get out of
"I don't get it," said Babs as they climbed the
stairs. "Elmyra said she'd juiced you."
"She deed," said Fifi, sounding a little glum.
"Well, then how?" asked Babs.
"O come on, Babs. Surely you must know by now zat zere
are advantages to dating a peeg who eez a cleanliness freak."
As they stepped back outside, they saw Hamton folding up and
putting away his Acme Portable Shower Stall. "He should have been a Boy
Scout," said Fifi with admiration. "After all, he eez always
With Clyde free, things soon got back to normal in Acme Acres.
Considering the legally questionable way in which he was rescued, Bugs decided against
pressing any kidnapping charges, and most importantly, everything was wrapped up in enough
time so that the Valentine's Day Party didn't have to be cancelled.
"So, Shirl," said Plucky as he brought her a glass of
punch, "how did your talk with Babs go after they rescued Clyde?"
"Like, it went okay. She told me quite a few
"Sorry, Plucky, but she made me promise not to tell
"What? Why not? Doesn't she trust me? I
can keep a secret as well as the next guy!"
"Uh-huh," said Shirley, sounding unconvinced.
"If that's true, then, like, who was the "close friend" of Buster's that
blabbed his secret about Bugs being his dad to the press?"
"Oh, uh, well," said Plucky as he tugged at his
collar. "You see, I..."
"Plucky, let it alone. I don't wanna get mad at you
tonight. So, like, just don't bring it up again, 'kay?"
"Okay, Shirl, the subjects closed. Come on, the
buffets over this way. I'll get you some food."
As Plucky and Shirley went to go and get some food, Hamton and
Fifi were talking about what had happened earlier. "You know," said Fifi,
"Ah don't think ah weel ever forget the look on Elmyra's face when she squirted that
juice on my tail. Eet was frightening."
"I know what you mean," said Hamton. "I
wasn't a pleasant sight."
"No, eet wasn't. Steel, things turned out okay een the
end. Eef eet hadn't been for you, Clyde might steel be trapped down there, and
Buster and Babs too. Who knows, maybe even me. That dumb redhead steel theenks
ah am a cat, you know."
"Oh, I didn't do that much."
"Yes, you deed. You may have very well rescued us all
from a fate worse then death, life as the pets of Elmyra. I theenk that desairves a
special reward, Hamton. Don't you?"
Before Hamton could respond, Fifi leaned over and kissed
him. As she broke it off, Hamton's eyes widened and he stammered, "Uh, gee,
Fifi, I, uh..."
"Oh come on, Hamton," she said playfully as she smiled
at him, "what deed you expect? After all, Ah am French."
Buster and Babs spent the first part of the evening retelling
everyone about the details of Clyde's rescue, but whenever someone tried to ask them about
Bugs, Buster would simply smile and say, "Well, I do have an announcement to make
later on. Wait until then."
Time passed by quickly, and about an hour after the party
started, Buster looked at Babs and said, "Come on, Babs. It's time to make that
Babs smiled nervously, but there was happiness in her eyes as she
followed Buster over to the podium. She stood by his side and looked around the gym
to see where her friends were. Shirley was with Plucky at the buffet table, and Fifi
was sitting with Hamton over to her right. She kept looking around until she finally
spotted Harriet, who upon realizing that Babs was watching her, silently gave her a thumbs
up signal before she melted back into the crowd.
Buster too made a quick look around the room to see where his
friends were before he tapped the microphone to get everyone's attention. Once he
had it, he said, "My fellow Toonsters. As you all know, a lot of things have
happened today," and he glanced over at Bugs, who was talking with a couple other
faculty members over by the folded up bleachers. There was a look of pride on Bugs's
face as he looked back at Buster, and after a second or two, he just nodded at him.
Seeing that, Buster said, "But I'm not here to talk about
those things. You all saw the news and read the papers, so you know what happened and how
it turned out. All I can say about it is that it's all true." Buster
paused for just a second to let that statement sink in before saying, "However, there
is one thing that you don't know about, yet."
Buster took ahold of Babs left hand then and held it up so
everyone could see what she was wearing. Taking a deep breath, Buster said,
"Babs and I have an announcement to make."
"And That's a Wrap!" was written by Kevin Mickel, (aka HKUriah@AOL.com)
"cause he's a Toonster, boop-boop-dee-doo.
Boo!" (Babs, Shirley and Fifi. "The Acme Bowl")
Acknowledgments: (or, thanks a heap to the following people)
Rebecca Littlehales (aka Esbeckras@AOL.com) for the idea about Elmyra's badminton class.
Mike Cote (aka Mikote@AOL.com) for suggesting that Hamton give Fifi a dustbuster as a
Rebecca Littlehales (again) for suggesting that he give her deodorant.
Michael Demcio (aka RRQUEST@AOL.com) for pointing out to me that Buster should have
replaced the other picture in his locker with one of Babs by now.
Acme Calamity 2000 Escape Proof Bunny Cage created by John Friedrich. (aka
Nefaria@AOL.com) Used by permission. For more information about this product,
please see the story, "Buster's Guide to Unconsummated Romance." Now
available in a Toon Talk Archives near you.
It has been said that the best place to hide something is right out in the open so no
one will notice it. Line from "The Looney Beginning."
Buster (to Bugs): "Oh, Pater, oh, Mentor." According to Webster's
New World Dictionary, third college edition (1988). "Pater n. [L.
FATHER] 1. [colloq., chiefly Brit.] father: now only a humorous usage"
Well, there it is. An actual episode of the show where Buster calls Bugs, albeit in
a camouflaged way, "Dad." I rest my case.
Any resemblance to the characters in this story and the ones who appear on the
television program Tiny Toon Adventures is purely intentional.
As always, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.
Attention Steven Spielberg! Please pay close attention to my next and final
credit, which was graciously suggested to me by Ron Bauerle. (aka
Will write original Tiny Toon Adventures stories for food.