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Buster & Babs: No Relation?
By Kevin Mickel
(aka HKUriah@AOL.com)
"Hiya, Toonsters, I'm Buster Bunny."
"And I'm Babs Bunny."
"No relation," they said in unison, just as they had on
dozens of prior occasions. Buster was about add something more when suddenly Babs
got all dreamy eyed, smiled at him and said longingly, "Yet!"
"Ah-er-um. Gulp!" stammered Buster as he tugged
on the collar of his sweater. "Uh, gee, Babs, I..."
"What?" demanded Babs with irritation as she sensed his
discomfort. "You find the concept distasteful or something?"
"I never said that," protested Buster. "It's
just that..."
"Well you're sure acting like it," said Babs
angrily. "I'll see you around, Buster. I'd better go before I say
something that I'll regret."
Buster stared after Babs in amazement as she stormed off towards
the Looniversity, leaving him to feel very much alone. "Oh great," he
muttered once she was gone, "I sure handled that one well. It's not gonna be
easy to smooth this one over." He tried to figure out how he was going to
apologize when his watch beeped. "Oh-oh," he said as he checked the
time. "Now I'm gonna be late for class. What else can go wrong
today?"
##########
As Babs worked the combination to her locker, she found
herself thinking, "Buster Bunny, sometimes you make me so angry that I
could..." Her thoughts trailed off as she opened her locker and looked at the
picture of Buster that she had taped to the inside of the door. "Well," she said
with a sigh, "we'll work it out. Sooner or later, Buster'll realize what we've
got and..." Babs stopped when she remembered the picture that she had seen
taped up inside of Buster's locker. "Or maybe not," she said as she
slammed her locker shut and headed off to class.
##########
When Buster finally got to school, he was relieved to see that
the class hadn't started yet. Taking his seat next to her, he said, "Hi,
Babs." She pretended not to hear him and turned casually away.
With a heavy sigh, Buster said, "Listen, Babs, about this
morning, I..."
Buster was cut off as a large crate fell down from the ceiling to
land only a few feet in front of him. As soon as the dust settled, the lid of the
crate swung open and out popped Yakko Warner singing, "Helloooooo."
He was immediately joined by Wakko, who added,
"Tinyyyyyy."
Then Dot joined them as finished up with, "Toooooons!"
"Ewoooo!" squealed Elmyra when she saw them.
"It's the Fuzzy-heads!" and she charged towards them with her arms open wide.
In a desperate act of self-defence, Wakko pulled out his mallet
and flattened her like a pancake as soon as she was close enough. "Do we really
want to go through all that again, Elmyra?" he asked calmly.
"No," she managed to gasp as she rolled herself back to
her seat, "I geffs not."
"Hey now wait just a minute," said Buster as he got
over his initial shock of seeing the Warners. Walking over to Yakko, he said
angrily, "What are you doing here? You've got your own show!"
"This is very true," said Yakko. "At the
moment, however, we happen to be on this one."
"Oh no you're not," said Buster. "This one's
ours, and..."
"Don't you talk to my brother that way, Buster," said
Dot menacingly. "'Cause if you do, I'll PULVERIZE YOU!!"
"You do and you'll answer to me," said Babs as she rose
to Buster's defence.
Babs and Dot eyed each other warily and with a growing sense of
malice. They looked like they were about to tear each other apart when Yakko stepped
between them and said, "Whoa, whoa, girls. Simmer down. This is supposed
to be a comedy, not the opening battle of WWIII."
"Yakko's right, Babs," said Buster as he laid a hand on
her shoulder. "Settle down."
Babs forced herself to calm down and took a step back from Dot.
"Sorry," she said sheepishly, "I guess I got a little carried away."
"Me too," admitted Dot as she held out her hand.
"Friends?"
"Why not," said Babs as she shook it. "It
sure beats being enemies."
"Well now that that's settled," said Yakko, "maybe
I can explain.
We're not here to take over your show, Buster. We're merely today's object lesson
for Surprise Cameos 113. You were surprised, weren't you?"
"Surprised doesn't begin to cover it," muttered
Buster. "I'm sorry, Yakko, I was just worried. I mean, you've still got your
show."
"I wouldn't worry about that if I was you," said Yakko
with a wave of his hand. "Sooner or later, the Big Guys at Warners will realize
that you're too important to consign to Rerun Limbo. Take it from me, you'll be
back."
Turning then to Wakko and Dot he said, "Come,
Siblings. Our time here is up. It's time to go and annoy Dr. Scratchansniff
again."
As the Animainiacs left the room, Buster said thoughtfully,
"They sure are an interesting trio."
"I agree," said Babs. "Especially that
Dot. I don't know what it is, but there's something familiar about her."
Buster turned to look at her with surprise. "Are we
talking again?" he asked.
"It looks that way."
Buster sighed with relief. "Good. Uh, Babs,
about this morning, I'm sorry I got so flustered. You just caught me off
guard."
"Oh, it's alright. I may have pushed a little to hard
myself."
Buster was going to say something else, but before he could, the
classroom door opened and in came Bugs Bunny. "All right," he said,
"calm down. I hope you all paid close attention to today's object lesson and
the reactions that it provoked, because I want a detailed, ten page analysis of it next
Friday."
There was a collective groan from the everyone in the classroom,
and Bugs said, "None of that. You've got all next week to do it. If you
want, you can work with a partner, but if you do, then I'll need fifteen pages from the
team. Any questions? No? All right, class dismissed."
##########
That afternoon, Buster met Babs at the Looniversity Library so
they could get started on their new assignment. "Buster," said Babs
tentatively as they spread out their notes, "I've been meaning to ask you
something. I need your help with another project besides this one."
"Sure, Babs, what is it?"
"Well, have you been told what your mid-term project is for
Mentor 101?"
"Yeah, I have to do a remake of one of Bugs old films.
Why?"
"That's the same project everyone got. Even me.
That means I've got to do one of Honey's old pictures, and well, Honey was essentially
Bosko's co-star. Would you be willing to play the part of Bosko for me in my
project?"
"Gee, Babs, I don't know. Some of those old
Harman-Ising films are pretty sadistic. I thought Elmyra was the one into animal
abuse."
"O come on, Buster. I wouldn't ask you to turn any
animals into musical instruments. I was leaning towards Bosko in Person, it's just a
vaudeville act."
"Welllll," said Buster, sounding unconvinced.
"Please, Buster," she said tenderly as she placed her
hand over his cheek. "It would mean a lot to me if you did." Then,
rubbing her hands between his ears she added, "I'd be very grateful to
you." She leaned closer to him then and added, "I can't do it without you,
Buster. Please help me. Please. Please," she added another time as she
put her arms around him and looked deeply into his eyes.
"Oh, all right," said Buster as he extricated himself
from her grasp. "Y'know, I hate it when you do that."
"No you don't," said Babs flatly. "You love
it. If you didn't, you wouldn't force me into doing it so often."
"Oh," said Buster dejectedly, "you've figured me
out. Does this mean you won't do it anymore?"
"In your dreams, Buster. It's too much fun to
stop."
Buster couldn't help but laughing. "Well, at least
I've still got something to look forward to."
"That you do," agreed Babs. "By the way,
what picture are you gonna do the remake of?"
"I'm not sure yet. Monty beat me to the punch on
Knighty Knight Bugs, and I don't want to have to work with him more than once, so that
rules out quite a few to start with, and I don't see Elmyra being able to redo any of
Elmer's old routines that he tried on Bugs. In fact, I think she's already decided
on doing Ant Pasted."
"That makes sense," agreed Babs. "Especially
in the light of her pathological hatred of insects. But what are you gonna do?
Bugs did do a lot of films without either Elmer or Sam."
"I know. I'm kind of leaning towards Hillbilly Hare,
but I haven't decided yet. Anyway, let's get started on this analysis thing. I
have a feeling it's not gonna be easy."
They started by comparing their notes, but they had not been at
it for very long when Hector Hare came by. "Hi, Babs," he said as he sat
down to join them. "What you workin' on?"
"Our analysis for Cameos 113. We're kinda busy,
Hector. Do you mind?"
"Oh, so your working with Buster again?"
"Yeah, Hector," said Buster angrily, "she
is. You got a problem with that?"
"Hey, take is easy, Buster. I'm just being
friendly."
"Well go be friendly with someone else. We've got work
to do."
"Humph," said Hector as he got up to leave.
"I wouldn't let too many people see you like this, Buster. You could actually
lose your bid for reelection to Monty."
"Good bye, Hector," said Buster forcefully.
Hector shook his head. "So long, Babs," he said
politely. "I'll see you around."
As Hector left them, Babs looked at Buster and said, "That
wasn't very nice of you."
"Oh really? You want me to call him back for
you? I'll even leave you alone with him if you want."
Babs smiled and shook her head. "I don't believe
it. You're jealous."
"Who? Me?"
"Yes, you. I'm not sure if I should be flattered or
angry."
"Which would you prefer?" asked Buster hopefully.
"I think I'll settle for flattered."
"Good," said Buster with relief. "I do wish
he'd leave you alone though. Maybe if you didn't encourage him so much..."
"What do you mean, 'encourage him'?"
"Oh come on, Babs. He's always hitting on you.
I've never seen you do anything to discourage him."
"That's not the same thing as encouragement, Buster."
"Isn't it? Steer clear of him, Babs. He's bad
news."
"Is he? Don't you tell me who to steer clear of,
Buster Bunny. I can take care of myself."
"Fine," said Buster roughly. "If that's the
way you want it, fine," and he started gathering up his notes.
"Where are you going?"
"Home. I've got things to do," and he stormed out
of the Library leaving Babs to stare after him.
After leaving Babs, Buster went back to his locker, and after
taking a quick look around to make sure that no one saw what he was up to, he opened it
up, and taking out the bouquet of roses he had hidden in it, he said to himself,
"Babsy'll flip when she finds these. Boy did she look mad. Well, so much
the better. It'll make this that much more fun."
Going over to Babs locker then, he quickly opened it, (Babs had
given him the combo a long time ago) and put the flowers in with a note attached that
said, "Just kidding. See you tonight, Buster." Closing her locker,
Buster took one more quick look around to make sure that no one had seen him, and he
headed for home.
Unfortunately, he failed to notice Hector Hare lurking in the
shadows. Putting away his Acme Super Duper Spy Glasses, he calmly walked up to Babs
locker and worked the combination that he had just observed Buster using.
"Pretty flowers," he muttered as he removed Buster's note and replaced it with
one of his own. "I should have thought of giving her some a long time
ago." With an evil chuckle, Hector closed Babs locker and whispered,
"Hurry up, Babs, your new boyfriend is waiting for you."
###########
It took Babs a while to get over seeing Buster walk out on her
like that, but she eventually did. Not knowing what she should think of it, she
picked up her things and got ready to go home. She went to her locker first, and
when she opened it and saw the roses she thought, "I should have known it was all a
gag," and she picked up the card that was with them.
Babs was very disappointed when she read what was on the card.
"To Babs, the prettiest girl at Acme Loo. From Hector Hare."
"They're not from Buster," she muttered as she read the card.
"No," said Hector as he came around the corner,
"they're not."
"Hector," said Babs unemotionally. "This is
really very sweet, but... Hey, how'd you get into my locker?"
"Does it really matter? Do you like the roses?"
"They are nice," she admitted.
"I'd hoped you'd think so." Hector looked a
little uncomfortable as he said this, then taking a deep breath he asked, "Babs,
would you like to go with me to the Election Party tonight?"
"Oh, Hector, I can't"
Hector nodded knowingly. "I understand. Buster's
already asked you."
"Uh, no," said Babs with hesitation, "he
hasn't."
"But you do expect him to?"
"Well, not exactly."
"I don't understand."
"Buster doesn't ask me to these things. He just shows
up at my doorstep and we go together."
"That's not very romantic."
"No," admitted Babs, "it's not. But it works
for us," she added hastily.
"But not for me," said Hector. "Babs, will
you go with me to the Election Party tonight?"
"Hector, I just told you, I'm going with Buster."
"But I asked you. Did he?"
"No."
"Will he?"
"Probably not."
"Then why are you going with him? I think it's awfully
arrogant of him to just assume that you'll be humbly waiting for him. Don't
you?"
Babs started to say no, but then she remembered how he had walked
out on her at the Library. "It is arrogant," she admitted. "If
he thinks that I'll just go with him after what he... Never mind. Hector, I'd
be very happy to go with you to the party tonight."
"Great," said Hector with enthusiasm.
"This'll be one night you'll never forget, Babs. I give you my word."
###########
That evening, when Buster got to Babs place, he was surprised
to see her leaving with Hector. "Babs!" he called out. "What
are you doing?"
"I'm going to the Election Party with Hector. What
does it look like I'm doing?"
"What?" asked Buster with disbelief.
"Why?"
"Because, Buster Bunny, unlike you, Hector asked me to
go."
Buster didn't know what to say. After standing dumbfounded
for a few seconds, Babs said calmly, "Come on, Hector. There's no point in
staying here any more." In response, Hector offered her his arm, and the two of
them headed off towards the Looniversity, leaving Buster alone by her hole.
As he watched them go, Buster felt himself falling to
pieces. It was a long time before he could summon the strength to put himself back
together again, and once he did, he mumbled, "What's the use? Or the
point? How could she just dump me like that?" and he slowly turned to trudge
back home.
###########
When Babs and Hector got to the Party, things were already in
full swing. They had not been there long when Bugs Bunny came up to her and said,
"It's about time you got here, Babs. Where's Buster? He's supposed to be
giving his campaign speech."
"You mean he's not here?" asked Babs with just a hint
of concern.
"You're asking me? You're the ones who just got
here."
"Uhm, Bugs, I didn't come with Buster. I came with
Hector."
"You WHAT!?!"
"I came with Hector," repeated Babs calmly.
"Why?"
"Because he asked me, that's why."
"Well then where is Buster? He's got a speech to
make."
"I don't know, Bugs. The last place I saw him was at
my hole."
Bugs could tell that something was wrong, but he didn't have time
to ask. "Great," said Bugs as he looked at his watch. "Well,
we'll just have to start without him."
Leaving Babs and Hector, Bugs made his way to the podium that had
been set up at the other end of the gym. Tapping the microphone to get everyone's
attention, he said, "Okay, folks, listen up. Foist of all, has anyone seen
Buster tonight?"
When no one answered, Bugs sighed and said, "Well in that
case, we'll have to let his opponent go first. Challenging Buster Bunny for
reelection to the position of Student Body President this year is Montana Max.
Monty, you're on."
There was a smattering of applause, and more than a few boos, as
Monty stepped up to the microphone. "Thank you," he said
unsincerely. "Well, I did have a special speech prepared to tell you why I was
running against Buster, and what I was gonna do if elected, but given the fact that my
opponent didn't even bother to show up tonight, I think I should say something else.
Do you really want a Student Body President who doesn't care enough about your votes to
even bother to come to the most important event of the campaign? I don't think so.
Why should he expect you to be loyal to his presidency when he doesn't even have the
courtesy to show up and ask you to? Now I know what some of you must be thinking
right about now. Somehow, someway, Monty has pulled a fast one and managed to keep
Buster away to make him look bad. Well, my friends, if you think that, you're wrong.
Now, I'll admit that in my last campaign that I cheated and broke all the rules of fair
campaigning, but this time I didn't. I've worked hard to run an honest
campaign. It's not my fault that Buster's not here, it's his own. All I'm here to do
is to ask for your support and to elect me as your new President. If you do, I'll
work hard to inspire your respect and to earn your loyalty. On that note, let me
finish with a question. Do you want a President who's willing to earn your loyalty,
or a President that can't even count on the loyalty of his own girlfriend?" and he
pointed an accusatory finger at Babs.
In that very instant, Babs was painfully aware that every eye in
the place was focused upon her. "Uh-heh-heh," she stammered.
"Hi everyone."
"That's right, everyone," said Monty, and everyone
turned back to him, much to Babs relief, "even she doesn't think Buster is worth
being loyal to. Think about it. Thank you."
As Monty stepped away from the podium, the applause were much
more genuine, and a lot louder. "Well, thanks, Monty," said Bugs as he
returned to the podium. "Uhm, has Buster arrived yet? No? Well, in
that case, I'll let you all get back to the fun. Don't forget to cast your ballots
first thing Monday morning."
Babs felt very small as Bugs left the podium and the festivities
got started again. "That was a pretty good speech," said Hector calmly.
"He made some good points."
"Yeah," admitted Babs, "he sorta did. Will
you excuse me, Hector? I have to powder my nose."
Not waiting to hear his response, Babs hurried off to the ladies
room, and staring at herself in the mirror, she muttered, "Oh, Buster. What have I
done to you? Now Monty's gonna take over the school, and it's all my
fault." Even as she said this, she tried to convince herself that it was
Buster's fault, but for some reason she couldn't. True, it was kind of presumptuous
on his part that she'd come here with him tonight, especially after the way he'd walked
out on her this afternoon, but it was also true that they had an understanding about these
things. She knew that he'd be by for her, and that he'd apologize for walking out
the way he did, but she deliberately chose to ignore that fact. It didn't take her
long to figure out what she had to do. "I can't stay here," she
said. "I've got to find Buster. We've got to work this out."
Leaving the ladies room in a hurry, Babs ran right into Bugs
Bunny, who had a look of concern on his face. "There you are, Babs. I've
been looking for you."
"Not now, Bugs. I've got to go find Buster. We
need to talk. Have you seen Hector? I owe him the courtesy of telling him that
I have to leave."
Bugs smiled knowingly. "I'm sure you and Buster'll
work it out," he said. "I think I saw Hector going over there, behind the
bleachers."
"Thanks, Bugs. I gotta go."
Knowing what she had to do, Babs pushed her way through the crowd
to where Bugs had said he saw Hector go. It was a quiet, out of the way spot, and as
soon as she saw him, Babs knew why Hector was there. He was talking to Montana Max.
"Good work, Hector," she heard Monty say as he handed
him a pile of cash. "That rabbit's reputation is ruined, and I can honestly say
it wasn't my fault."
"Nope" agreed Hector as he pocketed the cash,
"it's mine."
"No," said Babs as she stepped around to where they
could see her, "it's mine. You won't get away with this, Monty. I'll tell
them the truth."
"Right, Rabbit. Your credibility's just as ruined as
Buster's. Give it up, Pinky, you and your boyfriend are history."
"We'll see about that, Monty. And you, Hector, you
used me. That was awfully rotten of you."
"Yeah, so? What are you gonna do about it?"
Babs only response was to spin around, transforming herself into
a yard worker. Activating her Acme Super Gale Force Leaf Blower, she turned it on
them, blowing all the color off their forms and splattering it against the wall.
Then she pulled out a window squeegee and carefully wiped away their inklines, leaving
them as nothing but stark white
silhouettes of their former selves. "Well that'll do for starters," she
said curtly. "But don't worry, later I'll think of something really
nasty. I'd do it now, but I've got to get to Buster's, fast."
With that, Babs pushed aside the corridor's background to reveal
the one with Buster's rabbit hole on it. "Buster" she called down into the
hole, "are you down there?"
After a few seconds, Buster came up. "Hello,
Babs," he said coolly. "Did you come to turn the knife?"
"Ouch," said Babs. "I deserved that.
But no, I'm not. I'm here to apologize. I never should have gone to the party
with Hector. I knew you'd be by for me, and I deliberately ignored you. I'm
sorry, Buster. Can you forgive me?"
Buster looked at Babs and considered what she said. He
wanted to believe her, but something still bothered him. "Why did you go with
Hector?" he asked. "And don't just say it was because he asked you."
"I don't know," admitted Babs. "I guess I
was mad at you. I mean, it wasn't very nice, the way you walked out on me at the
Library."
A look of confusion formed on Busters face. "But what
about the flowers?"
"What flowers?"
"The flowers that I put in your locker. The note with
them should have told you I was only kidding."
"YOU put those flowers in my locker?"
"Of course I did. Who else could have?"
"Hector said he did," said Babs, feeling very much like
an idiot. "Somehow he got into my locker and switched your note with one from
him."
"Oh he did, did he," said Buster, his anger
rising. "Where is he? I'm gonna explain to him that it's not nice to go
into a girls locker without her permission."
"Hmmm," said Babs thoughtfully, "you're defending
my honor. Does this mean you've forgiven me?"
Buster found it impossible not to smile. "How couldn't
I? We're a team, Babs, I can't stay mad at you over this. Especially when I
practically drove you into it. I'm sorry too, Babs. I need to pay more
attention to your feelings, and to stop taking you for granted."
"You mean that?" asked Babs.
"Yep. So, uh, you wanna go back to the party with
me?"
"I'd love to. In fact I... Oh, wait a
minute! The party. Buster, there's something I've got to tell you.
Hector, he wasn't interested in me. Monty paid him to come between us to make you
look bad. He's got everyone ready to vote for him on Monday instead of you.
We've got to stop him. We've got to let everyone know that this was all another one
of his dirty tricks!"
"No," said Buster with a strange calmness, "we
don't."
"Huh?"
"We don't need to expose Monty's trick."
"But, Buster, how..."
Buster held up his hand to quiet her. "Leave it to
me," he said reassuringly. "I've got a plan."
"Well," said Babs with hesitation, "if you say
so. Let's get back," and she pulled down the corridor where she had left Monty
and Hector's silhouettes.
"What happened to them?" asked Buster when he saw their
featureless white forms.
"Oh, they got blown away. Come on. We don't have
a lot of time."
Hurrying back out the main gym, they found the party still going
strong, but as they worked their way across it, everyone began to notice them.
"Look," someone called out, "it's Buster!"
"Well it's about time," said someone else.
By the time Buster had reached the podium, everyone had quieted
down and was waiting to hear what he had to say. "Hi, everyone. I'm sorry
I'm late. I heard about Monty's speech, and I have to admit that he raised some
valid points. So valid that I'm not even gonna try to refute them. Instead
I'll just say this. Over the past year, I've done the best job I could as your
President. If you think it's been a good one, then vote to reelect me. If you
don't, then vote for Monty. If you do reelect me, I'll continue to do the best job
that I can, but I'm telling you right now that I won't be able to spend quite as much time
at it. You see, there's something else that I've been neglecting that I need to
devote more of my time to."
Buster paused for just a moment before saying, "That's you,
Babs. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and it's time that I admitted
it." Leaving the podium, he walked over to her and said, "I'm not gonna
let anything, not even being President, ever come between us again." Then,
having nothing else to say, he kissed her.
As everyone in the hall started to applaud, Buster stepped back
from her and asked, "So, can I count on your vote on Monday?"
"Oh yeah," said Babs dreamily. "You sure
can."
##########
Monday afternoon, as Buster and Babs were getting ready to
tape the opening sequence for the next episode of Tiny Toons, a messenger came by with the
election results. "I can't look," said Buster as he handed them to
Babs. "What does it say?"
Babs looked down at the tally and studied it for a moment before
saying, "Well, it was awful close, but, it looks like you got reelected. I
guess everyone liked your honesty."
"Did you?" he asked hopefully.
"I'm here, aren't I?"
"Yeah, you are. Oh, by the way, I've decided on which
one of Bugs old films I'd like to do for the mid-term. But if I do it, I'll need
your help."
"Sure, Buster. Which one?"
"Hold the Lion, Please!"
Babs didn't recognize the title. "I'll be glad to help
you," she said, "but what do you need me for?"
"Go watch the film. You'll figure it out."
Babs was about to ask Buster what he meant when the music for the
opening sequence came in over the speakers.
"Hiya, Toonsters," said Buster when it was finished,
"I'm Buster Bunny."
"And I'm Babs Bunny."
"No relation," they said in unison.
Buster put his arm around Babs shoulders then, and turning to
look at her he said matter-of-factly, "Yet!"
THE END
"Buster & Babs: No Relation?" was written, conceived, dreamed up, and is
longed to be seen animated by Kevin Mickel.
Persons whom the author would love to hear read this monstrosity: Charlie Adler &
Tress MacNeille. (But it probably won't ever happen)
HKUriah, my online name, is also the name of the main character in a novel I've written
that has nothing to do with cartoons.
Most annoying cartoon writer in the world, John K. (I wouldn't think of trying to
spell that name off the top of my head, and I'm to lazy to go look it up)
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.
"And that's a wrap!"
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