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Bunny Bedlam
by Kevin Mickel
(HKUriah@AOL.com)
"Hiya, Toonsters," said Buster as he popped up out of the tree stump
that led down into his home. "I'm Buster Bunny!"
Nothing happened.
Buster looked around in confusion. "Where's Babs?" he wondered to
himself. "Hey, Babs!" he called out. Still, there was no response.
Confused beyond measure, Buster reached down into his hole and pulled out the script
to read it over.
##########
EXT: Buster's rabbit hole. Buster pops up out of it and smiles.
BUSTER
Hiya, Toonsters. I'm Buster Bunny!
At that moment, Babs hops into the scene and moves to stand beside Buster
BABS
And I'm Babs Bunny!
BOTH
No relation yet!
##########
Buster continued to look over the script. After a few seconds, and unable
to think of anything else, he turned his gaze upward. "Hey!" he shouted up
to the animator. "Where's my gorgeous bunny co-host?"
In response to this query, a paintbrush came down and promptly added Binky Bunny to
the scene. "Uhm, hi," she said.
"Am I supposed to, uh, tell a joke or something now, uh... What was your name
again?"
A look of irritation formed on Buster's face. "Not her, you
dunderhead!" he shouted. "Come on, fix it!"
In response, the paintbrush returned and swished over Binky, transforming her into
Ramona Rabbit. "Hi, Buster," she said seductively. "Have you
missed me?"
"Yeeaaagggghhhh!!!" screamed Buster in fear. Reaching behind
himself, he produced a giant eraser and quickly rubbed Ramona out before she could work
any of her charms on him.
Turning back to the animator then, he said, "Okay, I'll make this simple.
Where is Babs?"
A large pencil appeared and scribbled the word, "Who?" on Buster's
mailbox.
Buster sighed. "You know," he explained, "Babs. Pink fur,
yellow sweater, purple skirt and ear ribbons. Her real name's Barbara Anne..."
KLANG!!!!!
A huge anvil fell down on Buster then, squashing him flat. Pulling himself out from
under it, he noticed a yellow sticky note pasted to the anvil that had the words,
"Don't call her that," written upon it.
Buster stared at the note for a second, but before he could say or do anything about
it, the eraser head of a pencil came down and obliterated everything, leaving Buster
standing in front of a start white background.
A look of recognition formed on Buster's face. "Oh, I get it," he
said with annoyance. "First Plucky, now me. Well, forget it, whoever you
are. I'm not gonna..." A torrent of water sloshed down onto Buster,
cutting off his protests and soaking him to the gills.
Thoroughly drenched, Buster reached out and pulled an old fashioned washing machine
into the picture. He ran himself through the wringer to dry himself off, and then he
stuck his flattened thumb into his mouth and started to blow on it as hard as he
could. After a couple of seconds, he regained his normal shape with a loud,
"Pop!"
Looking more than a little angry, Buster said, "Look, buddy, I..."
Buster stopped speaking when he suddenly realized that he was speaking with the
voice of Roddy Rat. "Now wait just a minute," he called. "I'm a
rabbit, and I need a rabbit's voice."
Buster nodded with satisfaction as he heard the sound of a phonograph needle being
dragged across a record. Taking a deep breath he said, "Good, maybe
now..." he stopped again when he realized that he was speaking with the voice of
Bug's Bunny.
"This is not an improvement!" he yelled, only now it was with the voice of
the Trix Rabbit.
"Hey, what gives?" he demanded, sounding like Babs.
"Well, that's a bit closer," only now he sounded like Br'er Rabbit.
"You're off again," he said, sounding like Bunnie Rabbot.
"WAY off!" in a voice indistinguishable from Thumper's.
"Not even close!" sounding like Ricochet Rabbit.
"Oh, come on, get it right. P-p-p-please?" he said in the voice of
Roger Rabbit.
"This is startin' ta get irritaitin'," sounding like Bugs.
"Well that's a lot better," he admitted in his own original voice.
"And that's, er, this is perfect," he finished in his current one.
He paused for just a moment then before asking, "Are you done?"
There was no change.
"Good," he said with relief. "Now, listen up. All I want
to do is make a cartoon. Is that too much to ask?"
In response to the question, the eraser came down again and rubbed out Buster.
Then, in a flurry of motion, the paintbrush came down and painted a complete animation
studio. Buster was seated at an animator's desk with a pencil in his hand. On
the desk was a large book entitled, "How to Make Your Own Cartoons."
Putting down the pencil, Buster got up and turned an exasperated expression towards
the animator. "No, no, no. I don't want to draw a cartoon, I want to star
in one. Don't you get it? I'm a star!"
The paintbrush came down again and transformed the studio background into a
representation of the Solar System, with Buster in the middle where the sun should be, and
he seemed to be glowing.
Buster looked around with annoyance in his eyes. With a sigh, he reached up to
pull down a new background, which turned out to be stark whiteness again.
"O great," he muttered. "Back to square one. Look,"
he said to the animator again, "this isn't working. Why don't we just
iris out and call it quits, okay?"
When nothing happened, Buster grew thoughtful and murmured, "Okay, what would
Bugs do in this situation?"
Suddenly, a lightbulb appeared over Buster's head. "That's it!" he
exclaimed as he snapped his fingers.
"So long, screwy," he said as he reached up and pulled down a curtain with
the words, "THE END" stenciled upon it, which promptly fell down on top of him
in a tangled heap.
Buster slowly worked his way out from under that curtain. "So much for that
bright idea," he muttered as he stood and dusted himself off.
Noticing then a small piece of paper at his feet, he picked it up and read,
"You're learning. Not bad. Unfortunately, I can't let it end that
way."
Buster looked at the note in confusion for a few seconds before looking angrily up
at the animator and shouting, "Who are you?!?"
In response to Buster's question, a small slip of paper fluttered down to him.
Written upon it were the words, "When you figure it out, I'll let you go."
"Huh?" asked Buster as he looked up at the animator with confusion in his
eyes.
Sitting at the animator's desk, Bugs Bunny looked down at his young protege and
said, "Don't worry, Son. You'll figure it out."
THE END
This story is dedicated to Jon Cooke (cooke@megalink.net), who in his comments in the
TTA Fan-Fiction Reference Guide about the story Pluck Amuck wanted to know when I was
going to do a story based upon Rabbit Rampage.
Thanks to the following people who previewed this and gave me advice on how to end it:
Jon Cooke (cooke@megalink.net)
Morgan Ingersoll (CamCoon@AOL.com)
Colin Feder (TacoShell1@prodigy.com)
Rebecca Littlehales (Esbeckras@AOL.com)
Anyone who wishes to refer to this story may do so, but they must use it in the context
of the above ending, not any of the alternate, rejected one that are listed here for your
reading pleasure."
Alternate Ending #1
In response to the question, the paintbrush came down and quickly painted a cage
around Buster. A look of horror formed on his face as he realized what was
happening. "Oh no!" he cried, "Not you!"
Sitting at the animator's desk, Elmyra looked down at the contents of the cage with
glee. "Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee," she giggled.
"Well Mr. Hippity-hop, now you're all mine!"
Alternate Ending #2
In response to the question, a giant anvil fell down upon him, leaving only the tip
of his ears poking out from beneath it.
Sitting at the animator's desk, Plucky Duck starred sadistically at his
handiwork. "Revenge!" he muttered softly.
Alternate Ending #3
In response to the question, a huge flood of water flowed down upon him, leaving him
thoroughly soaked and completely senseless as he fell over with a soft,
"Sploosh!"
Sitting at the animator's desk, Babs Bunny looked down at Buster and giggled
softly. "I just can't help myself," she said as she
smiled.
Greatest Cartoon Director of All Time: Chuck Jones
If Buster and Babs ever get married and have kids, would their children have lavender
fur?
No anvils were cracked in the writing of this story.
It's over, go home.--Ferris Beuller.
Ohss-dee-ah-dee-ay. That's Pig Latin for Adios.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.
"And that's a wrap!"
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